how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Wulf Ratbane]

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP

Asperger Syndrome or (Asperger's Disorder) is a neurobiological disorder named for a Viennese physician, Hans Asperger, who in 1944 published a paper which described a pattern of behaviors in several young boys who had normal intelligence and language development, but who also exhibited autistic-like behaviors and marked deficiencies in social and communication skills. In spite of the publication of his paper in the 1940's, it wasn't until 1994 that Asperger Syndrome was added to the DSM IV and only in the past few years has AS been recognized by professionals and parents.

Individuals with AS can exhibit a variety of characteristics and the disorder can range from mild to severe. Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language) and very often the individual with AS has difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. It's important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and most certainly not the result of "improper parenting".

By definition, those with AS have a normal IQ and many individuals (although not all), exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. While language development seems, on the surface, normal, individuals with AS often have deficits in pragmatics and prosody. Vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like "little professors." However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.


Damn, TB. And I thought your chick advice was good. That was some damn fine armchair pyschology, there.

Wulf

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

i guess ill go seek professional help then, and let them hook me on meds and expensive therapy sessions for the rest of my life.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

i guess ill go seek professional help then, and let them hook me on meds and expensive therapy sessions for the rest of my life.

Sure beats being creepy for the rest of your life.

 

[Teflon Billy]

i guess ill go seek professional help then, and let them hook me on meds and expensive therapy sessions for the rest of my life.

Yes.

Do that.

Do exactly that.

Tell me honestly that the middle paragraph in Wulf's post regarding Asperger's Syndrome doesn't sound a bit familiar to you.

Take the tinfoil helmet off and use your head.

(the "tinfoil Helmet" didn't actually refer to a tinfoil Helmet I think you are wearing. it is a slang term referring to someone who places too much stock in conspiracy theory. I am referring to your belief that all a doctor will do is "hook you on meds and expensive therapy sessions for the rest of your life" rather than helping you stop being like this.

Is that literal enough that you can understand?)

 

[Torm]

i guess ill go seek professional help then, and let them hook me on meds and expensive therapy sessions for the rest of my life.

I'm the last person to trust doctors - but in this case, I think I'm actually convinced TB is on to something. The thing that convinced me is your account of your conversation with your boss - if you are truly not capable of understanding the difference between being attracted to a man, and simply being able to tell whether or not he is presenting himself well and possibly whether or not women (or gay men) would find him attractive, I think that might go a long way towards explaining your attitude towards your own appearance, and that, alone, might be reason enough to go talk to a professional counsellor. Completely aside from the rest of the problems you have spoken of.

And no, that doesn't mean a lifetime of expensive meds or therapy. There are plenty of little local mental health clinics that provide a service for a relatively reasonable fee, and try to actually help you, since they are in large part state funded.

One final note from me regarding the advice in this thread: Acting in my capacity as a Member of ENWorld, I just wanted to remind everyone that (unless anyone wishes to speak up and say otherwise, specifically about themselves) all advice has been given in a non-professional capacity, and is worth exactly what you have paid for it. So no funny blaming us or ENWorld if you decide to self-treat based on TB's armchair diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome and wind up growing a second head, mmmkay?

(Also, I am not a lawyer, and the above disclaimer is provided as a courtesy to ENWorld and its members in a non-professional and unofficial capacity, as well. So no funny blaming me if Hida or anyone else sues someone and the above disclaimer doesn't hold up in court. )

If any of this seems to be babbling, please forgive me - I am very tired, and heading for bed soon.

 

[Arcane Runes Press]

i guess ill go seek professional help then, and let them hook me on meds and expensive therapy sessions for the rest of my life.

It's doubtful that they'll "hook" you on anything, and you may not be in therapy for the rest of your life.

But even if they do, it's much better than what's going on for you right now.

 

[tarchon]

i guess ill go seek professional help then, and let them hook me on meds and expensive therapy sessions for the rest of my life.

Aspergers isn't treated with drug therapy as far as I know, but then you may not have Aspergers or any other particular syndrome. Therapy might help, but, as they say, you have to really want to change. It all sounds like it comes down to the old "delayed gratification" issue. You have trouble putting up with near-term inconvenience for long-term gains. Obviously, you understand that your boss, girls, etc. expect "small talk" and such (which is the faculty that someone with Asperger's lacks - the perception of this expectation) - I think you often just don't want to do it. All of us find ourselves in situations sometimes where we would just as soon not have to chit-chat with some boring dude (I do, at any rate), but we just smile and nod for the sake of maintaining peace and order. It's a small price to pay for a large eventual benefit, an investment of time.

I'd say, If you want to change, and you don't know how - that's a reason to get therapy.
If you want to change, and you know how, just do it and save your money.
If you just don't want to change, it's obviously going to have a price, but therapy probably isn't going to help all that much with that.

 

[Joker[ZW]]

If you decide to do a therapy remember some things.
1. Do not just go to one therapist. Go once to at least 4-5 different ones and than decide whom of those you trust most to be able to help you.
2. There will be a low point after the first sessions where you get the feeling that therapy won't help you at all. Don't stop the sessions because of that, it's normal and it will go away if you chose the right one (see nr. 1).


At least that's the advice I remember from my prof.

 

[Buttercup]

one thing i'm not getting is why would i waste time showering if i'm not even going to leave my apt?

Because you don't like feeling dirty? Having greasy hair is uncomfortable?

Hida, whatever you do in this life, no matter how much money you make, whether you marry or not, there is only one person who will be with you right up until your very last heartbeat. That's you.

Don't take good care of yourself for others--do it for you. It's a simple matter of self respect.

 

[msd]

i guess ill go seek professional help then, and let them hook me on meds and expensive therapy sessions for the rest of my life.

Wow...thank goodness we got another ill-founded justification for why you refuse to change. For a second, I was in terrible fear that we had made some actual progress.