Tales From The Old Bald One-Eyed Salty Red Dog Tavern! (chapter 1, now closed)

[Wystan]

I sigh LOUDLY at the armored fellow and walk away from the downed patron back to the bar. While looking at him I state::

"You must have at least passed a Pond, a swim and cleaning is common place. And it is Drizzling, just stand still for a bit and the water might deign to hit you and cleanse you at least a bit. I mean really, you are covered in dust, and need a serious road cleansing. Now the colors you are wearing is also a totally different fact...and by the way I do not like being called pretty, or lass, handsome will do. If you impinge my honor one more time I will need to take it to an honor duel."

Turning back to the lass behind the bar::

"Now where was I, oh yes, a nice gingham would look good on you and would bring out the rosy cheeks that you have and the brightness of your eyes. of course the green ribbon in your hair will have to go, it would clash, a bright red ribbon would add such ambiance to your demeanor. I think that you could also do with a nice cheery apple red apron and have the new curtains in the bar match and the table cloths could be a good tartan with a purple and red design."

Looking around again::

"Maybe some cushions and covers on the seats and even some shirts with the taverns logo sewn onto the from for the eployees. I think that would look wonderful. But we would have to decide what the logo is..."

I appear to be talking to myself now::

"Maybe....Come to The Old Bald One-Eyed Salty Red Dog Tavern and leave with a new outlook on life....or TOBOeSRDT it's not a bar, it's an adventure..."

 

[LogicsFate]

At least you don't carry the stench of carrion on you. I will make do with my water for now."

About to take a drink, the woman hears this crack and slams the glass down, resulting in a gout of blue flame and smoke

I do NOT smell like carrion!...er wait were you referring to me?

 

[LogicsFate]

"should I have shaved, too?"

Stopping the glass just inches from her lips, she looks up at the man No, your fine and goes to take a drink

"YOU ever try shaving on a horse on the trail? Only one I ever knew to try that we called Blood-Face, well, after that . . . "

Hmm? stopping short again Is that so?

 

[Wystan]

I turn towards the outburst and notice the Interesting Lady for the first time::

"Now that is a fasion statement. However I would not say you smell of carion. You appear to be a little more health and cleanliness consciois than some of the others here. It is also easy to see that you shower on a regular basis. Your outfit leaves very little to the imagination on where the dirt could be. May I offer you a glass of water. I mean you must be parched after the time that you spent on the road."

 

[LogicsFate]

I turn towards the outburst and notice the Interesting Lady for the first time::

"Now that is a fasion statement. However I would not say you smell of carion. You appear to be a little more health and cleanliness consciois than some of the others here. It is also easy to see that you shower on a regular basis. Your outfit leaves very little to the imagination on where the dirt could be. May I offer you a glass of water. I mean you must be parched after the time that you spent on the road."

O' ok. I was worried, I've worked hard to remove any offending smells She speaks along with the elf if necessary You may offer at any time,

setting the special down for the moment I guess I should drink some water too

 

[Branding Opportunity]

The tall gentlemen in the rust-red robes generally ignores what is going on around him, although he does smile warmly when the dwarven waitress brings him his dinner, "Ah, that looks lovely. Thank you very much."

When she asks about the tab he is just about to taste the soup, the spoon halfway to his mouth, "Eh? What? Oh, yes, as it looks I will be spending at least one night here, it might be better to put it all together."

Satisfied that he has answered her questions, he proceeds to uncork the bottle of wine and pour himself a glass, seemingly oblivious to everything that goes on around him. A few minutes into his meal, he reaches into a leather satchel he put down next to his chair and pulls out a book. It is bound in dark-red leather, and carries the title, "The Intricacies of Torture and Execution: Professional Edition". He holds the book in front of him with one hand, trying to catch the best light and uses his other hand to move his food and drink to his mouth. A few times the subject matter of the book is so engrossing that he can't take his eyes from it, his wine glass held motionless inches from his lips. After a moment, his arm begins to hurt and he quickly takes a sip, putting the glass back down afterwards.

 

[Lazlow]

Sunderkeg introduces Lizard Spit

Once the fine elf tells my guy to take a bath, he looks down at himself and mutters, "it's road dust . . . I just got off the road . . . I can't have taken a bath before I come in to have a drink, or even get a room . . . you can't avoid road dust on a road . . . " He stands, drinks his grog in a long swallow, and grabs the one he ordered for the elf (without malice) and starts drinking that one while walking from patron to patron in the bar.

The vast majority of the patrons ignore you, preferring to keep to their cups. A couple give you dirty glances, but quickly turn away when they get a full look at you.

He looks each person (except one) fully from eye to toe and back, clucks his tongue appropriately and rubs his scragly chin. While in front of the woman in leather, he absently says, "should I have shaved, too?" He quickly makes eye contact with her and says, "YOU ever try shaving on a horse on the trail? Only one I ever knew to try that we called Blood-Face, well, after that . . . " He gives a heavy sigh, shakes his head and moves on to her companion, who is the one he does not give a long look to. He just glances at him and moves on to the guy curled up on the floor.

The guy curled up on the floor seems to be staring at you intently. He continues to snore, however, and upon closer examination, it seems he's sleeping with his eyes wide open. He murmurs something about "COBRAS!" but falls back asleep.

After taking in each person in turn, he returns to the bar and, to whatever Dwarf happens to be working there at the moment, says "Another beer, and is the chili dog in season? . . . Nevermind, just give me mushrooms, a half-dozen eggs scrambled up with goat cheese, a pound of rashers, and a room for the night. Feel like it's months of straight riding from the duke's keep."

Then he bides his time . . . soon, my friends, soon . . .

Both Dwarves are there at the moment, and Muirna nods at your order before she ducks into the kitchen. Sunderkeg says, "Weel, m'lad, we dinnae ha' rooms here, but I'll be moor 'n happy ta tell ya wheer ta stay."

With that, he steps out from behind the bar and walks over to a wall where he reaches up and grabs a small wooden ring attached to a piece of twine high up on the wall. He pulls it down with a quick snap! and unfurls a large map of the town (OOC: see next post for map). He stands on an empty stool and speaks loudly, apparently for all to hear... And as his voice gets louder, it seems his accent gets worse...

"Noo, f'r a doom, ye've ga foor choices: Th' G'dey Minst'del, next door, here - a wee bitty o' th' swank, bu' I hayrtily d'ecommend et, aye. Thayn, doon by th' docks, ye've ga th' Water Weasel - if'n y' theenk ye can fend off th' vayrdmin and y' dinnae min' bein' mooged, heh heh. Next oop ye've ga Fharlaghn's D'espit, a d'oadside taymple t' th' t'davelin' god, an' a hostel ta boot. They take nae gold, but they doo dequire ye ta wod'k f'r y' stee; nuthin' too bad, thoo, jes' small tasks, cleanin' 'n' sooch. Yuir las' choice, o' coorse, is ta camp ootside o' toon. But wha wi' all th' goblinoids davagin' and madaudin' an' sooch, I'd rather take me chances a' th' Water Weasel, meself."

He steps to the other side of the map, places his free hand behind his back, and continues the lecture. "Noo, 'f'n yuir lookin' f'r equipment, ye'll be wantin' Jot's Soond'dies, aye," he says as he pulls out a long pointer, seemingly from nowhere, and points on the map. "F'r moor, shell we see, 'exotic' items, ye'll be wantin' t' see Kolat, aye, ovud a' Kolat's Empoodium." He points again at a different spot, then makes circular motions on the map. "Dight heed, heed we ha' Mayd'chant's Doo. If'n y' cannae fin' whot y' need a' Mayd'chant's Doo, then y' cannae fin' et 'tall, I always see. I'll jes leave th' map doon f'r ye, take yuir time."

He climbs down from the stool and heads back behind the bar.

 

[Gray Shade]

The human with the badge claps Sunderkeg friendlily on the back as he moves past him and says loudly: "Thank you, wise and mighty Sunderkeg! I'm in town on an important mission. Sent by the Duke. I seek an item of power, which I must keep from falling into the wrong hands, but first I must find a stalwart band of adventurers to help me, for my plight is mightier than my singular might might be."

He pauses and the angle of his look goes a bit over everyone's head as he turns away from Sunderkeg and toward the tavern dwellers.

"I am an official representative of the Duke, a man at arms in his royal constabulary. My name is Sheriff Berserker Bill. You may have heard of me!"

<awkward silence--a guy in back clears his throat>

"No? Not even a little?"


"In any case, I am a Sheriff, sent on a tracking mission to retrieve an item of mystical power before it can be taken by a foul outlaw who would use its power to . . . " His voice fades as his face grows grim and he knuckles at what may have been a tear from his right eye.

"We cannot let this happen! My quest is a difficult and arduous one, but before I can complete it, I must seek the power which can only come from unifying diversity." He moves his hands like he's choking a baby. "Men and women of endurance and cunning!" He motions about at the other strangers, "Elven Poofs, Goth Chicks, Scary Intellectuals, even Drunken Amnesiacs, all have their uses, all should be pulled together NOW by the call to arms of . . . of . . . oh, crap" he wags his head once. With a deep breath, he lifts an invisible beach ball to his eye level with both arms and finishes: "of goodness itself!"

When no one jumps at this, he adds, "or the monetary reward the Duke has authorized me to disburse."

"Who's with me?!"

 

[Branding Opportunity]

The gaunt gentleman at the back raises his hand. When he believes he has the speaker's attention he remarks, "Will there be death involved?" After this he smiles encouraging, eager for an answer.

 

[LogicsFate]

"of goodness itself!" "or the monetary reward the Duke has authorized me to disburse." "Who's with me?!"

Hold on, cowboy. How about a few more details?