Mamacat's helpful hints for gaming with couples with or without kids

[pawsplay]

Honestly, the number one point I get out of this whole thing is:
"Don't play with people who try to mix children and D&D"

Well, ammend that to "I don't play with people who try to mix children and D&D," and your opinion is perfectly reasonable. Unfortunately, that means that your gaming group is probably going to breed themselves away from your table, eventually. Even if we could afford and obtain a sitter for every Friday night, with frequent cancellations because of other group members, it would just be weird to leave the kids with strangers every Friday night. They're still rather smallish and need drinks of water and lots of hugs and to be explained the differences between dragons and dinosaurs.

 

[Hawkeye]

Lay in a supply of valium, for you , the children or group members.

(No, not really.)

Hawkeye

 

[Dr. Strangemonkey]

Well, ammend that to "I don't play with people who try to mix children and D&D," and your opinion is perfectly reasonable. Unfortunately, that means that your gaming group is probably going to breed themselves away from your table, eventually. Even if we could afford and obtain a sitter for every Friday night, with frequent cancellations because of other group members, it would just be weird to leave the kids with strangers every Friday night. They're still rather smallish and need drinks of water and lots of hugs and to be explained the differences between dragons and dinosaurs.

I actually very much enjoy playing with kids around the table. I think it's a nice way to let parents in without sticking them with the additional burden of babysitting, and, well, people are going to get distracted anyway IMO it's better to have a parent get distracted by redirecting a kid than that same player get distracted by replaying a scene from Monty Python.

That and it's nice to have kids around while we participate in a kid like activity. It's appropriate.

 

[roguerouge]

This is one of the biggest pet peeves of mine.

My fiancé and I are in the same game together (we've been gaming together for close to a decade, and in multiple groups, actually), and there have been times where, after an argument or disagreement, the other party will say, "Hey, can you tell J I'm sorry?" or, they'll try to 'explain' their point of view to me, instead of to him - totally useless, considering at least in that instance I had nothing to do with the disagreement.

I have no problem with people coming to me and saying "Hey, I want to apologize to J, but I'm not sure how, can you give me some advice?" or something along those lines. But... me != my fiancé.

Of course, I can be a bit of a b****. My response to "Hey, can you tell J I'm sorry?", was to say "No." and walk away. ;D

Well, so long as you admit that.

'Cause I read that as at least possibly being an attempt to get an intermediary to prepare the way for a later apology or to try to get your help to get your partner to cool off and into a listening or empathic mood. Clearly, you have the view on the ground in this situation, but I wouldn't automatically regard all such requests as suspect.

And I write that as someone who's still waiting, 2 years later for an apology that had been made only to my girlfriend and not to me over an issue that affected us both. So I very much understand your annoyance.

 

[roguerouge]

Above all, do not tell someone that you think they are a bad parent, even if you feel that way. It's incredibly rude. If the kids are endangered in some way, call the officials and report it. Otherwise, bite your tongue and follow the golden rule.

No, don't swallow your tongue, but do talk about it differently.

Telling someone that they are a bad _____ is blame, not constructive criticism. Labeling someone in that manner means that you feel that that is their character. The better way to do this is to express concern, ask questions, and/or to talk about behaviors. That makes it specific, acknowledges that they may have reasons that you are not privvy to, and the concern indicates your investment in helping.

The other way is Monday morning quarterbacking.

 

[roguerouge]

The burden of baby sitting.... I would have thought that the appeal of gaming once you are a parent is the valuable adult time AWAY from said children.

 

[roguerouge]

How about with gaming with babies versus children? Or is there no difference in the etiquette?

 

[Fedifensor]

Usually, though, unless they're in the double digits they should be in bed by the time y'all are really getting started. 7-8 pm and they're usually conked out. Just be sure to be quieter than usual and you'll not hear a peep out of them.

My daughter's bedtime isn't until 8 pm (she's 5) and I don't think we're letting her stay up later than the typical parents. Heck, if we put her to bed any earlier, we'd have her waking us up at 5 in the morning! Anyway, I don't think my wife and I have started a game that late since before our daughter was born. Heck, my wife usually is in bed and asleep by 10 pm, so starting at 7 or 8 wouldn't give us more than 2 hours of game time.

Our standard game times are either Saturday or Sunday in the late morning or early afternoon. During the game, our daughter either is playing nearby, watching something on the TV (all hail the electronic babysitter), taking a nap, or over at Grandma's house. We're hoping that in a few years (when she's around 7) we can slowly introduce our daughter to gaming.

 

[Fifth Element]

The burden of baby sitting.... I would have thought that the appeal of gaming once you are a parent is the valuable adult time AWAY from said children.

To a very limited degree, sure. But when you have kids and see how quickly they grow up, you actually want to spend time leisure time with them. Adult time is sometimes needed, certainly, but I'm not sure I'd classify playing D&D as adult time, since it is something the kids can participate in in limited ways.

 

[Fifth Element]

I actually very much enjoy playing with kids around the table. I think it's a nice way to let parents in without sticking them with the additional burden of babysitting, and, well, people are going to get distracted anyway IMO it's better to have a parent get distracted by redirecting a kid than that same player get distracted by replaying a scene from Monty Python.

That and it's nice to have kids around while we participate in a kid like activity. It's appropriate.

Very good point. We all know that most D&D sessions have a good amount of digressions and distractions. The inevitable Monty Python references, getting the pizza, talking about upcoming movies, etc, etc, etc. The kids are no different, really.