Mamacat's helpful hints for gaming with couples with or without kids

[racoffin]

The burden of baby sitting.... I would have thought that the appeal of gaming once you are a parent is the valuable adult time AWAY from said children.

What is wrong with getting a babysitter if the kids aren't old enough to play or entertain themselves?

Babysitters are nice, if you can (A) afford them, (B) have someone you can trust, and (C) are absolutely sure how long your session is going to run.

Point A is a sticker for a lot of new parents. Sitters have come a long way from when I was a kid and they got paid a few dollars an hour. Now they want upwards of $5 an hour per child, plus money for food.

Point B is a judgement call. We are a lot picker than some parents, and have real issues with just handing over our kids to random person we've hardly met. Add into that having someone rummaging through your belongings, running up your phone bill, ordering movies without you knowing, or whatever other nightmare scenarios you can think up, and it can be a sticking point.

Point C ties into A. I'd be nice if a session ended when you thought it would, but things get going and everyone decides to go another hour, or you lose track of time, or whatever.

If both my wife and I are gaming, we have no problem hosting the game at our home. That frees up the babysitter money for ordering pizza or getting drinks, and the minor inconveinence of the kids wandering in to see what we are doing or asking for something to eat or a new TV show is well worth the peace of mind.

 

[Dragonbait]

Since there are a number of gamers who are attached that are viewing this thread, I'll ask this: what about the ever-enjoyable situation where the SO not only does not want to game, but does not approve of gaming? 3 out of the 6 people in my group are dealing with that. We are all in our mid- to late-twenties, and there are no children involved..

One deals with his gf trying to get him to do something else every time we game. We've offered to move days, but then the other options we have conflict with other people's SO's schedules. Of course.. She has NO friends of her own, so that's a key problem there.

One has a gf who is okay with him gaming, but she has told him that once he gets married he will no longer have time for hobbies. This -could- be a culture clash. He's very American and she is very Japanese.

And one has a gf who is not only veheminently against gaming (to the point where she threatened to throw some gaming books out of his car.. MY game books that he had borrowed) but against him doing things like watching anything or playing any kinds of video games that are related to being 'nerdy'

 

[Afrodyte]

Since there are a number of gamers who are attached that are viewing this thread, I'll ask this: what about the ever-enjoyable situation where the SO not only does not want to game, but does not approve of gaming? 3 out of the 6 people in my group are dealing with that. We are all in our mid- to late-twenties, and there are no children involved..

One deals with his gf trying to get him to do something else every time we game. We've offered to move days, but then the other options we have conflict with other people's SO's schedules. Of course.. She has NO friends of her own, so that's a key problem there.

One has a gf who is okay with him gaming, but she has told him that once he gets married he will no longer have time for hobbies. This -could- be a culture clash. He's very American and she is very Japanese.

And one has a gf who is not only veheminently against gaming (to the point where she threatened to throw some gaming books out of his car.. MY game books that he had borrowed) but against him doing things like watching anything or playing any kinds of video games that are related to being 'nerdy'

To be honest? I'd seek couples therapy.

 

[Mamacat]

Babysitters are nice, if you can (A) afford them, (B) have someone you can trust, and (C) are absolutely sure how long your session is going to run.

If both my wife and I are gaming, we have no problem hosting the game at our home. That frees up the babysitter money for ordering pizza or getting drinks, and the minor inconveinence of the kids wandering in to see what we are doing or asking for something to eat or a new TV show is well worth the peace of mind.

Yep. We just don't have the money for a sitter every week - we barely have money for a sitter once a month, which is why we go for a movie. We know exactly how long we'll be gone, etc. And we always game at our house, or literally right next door, where our daughter is welcome, and we can just go home quickly if we need to.

 

[Mercurius]

Those are all I can think of right now - anyone want to add anything?

13. Feel free to use small children (<3 years old) as replacement miniatures on battle maps, when appropriate (e.g. gargantuan monsters such as the Tarrasque).

 

[Fifth Element]

What is wrong with getting a babysitter if the kids aren't old enough to play or entertain themselves?

Nothing wrong with it, obviously. Just not always possible.

It is telling that the majority of this thread is about how single or childless gamers should accommodate couples with children and not about how parents who want to game should accommodate players without children.

Generally, not comparable situations. For the players without children, what's to be accommodated? That they don't like having kids around? Not the same as the gamers with kids, who often invest much of their limited free time in the gaming session, and without accommodation would not be able to do it at all.

 

[Mercurius]

Spanking - the other kid part is so far out, that I don't even want to contemplate that any "normal" people would actually consider it.

Anyway, just asking, since it is illegal to spank (or hit if you will) children around here, and greatly frowned upon by most people. Then again, you live in a country where it is a right to own a gun, and where your government kills people that break the law. I do not know why I am surprised. I bet they hit their children in Uganda as well..

I won't chastise (too much) for your judgmentalism as you were already Moderated, but I will say that I'm not sure if Mamacat was using the phrase "spanking, swat on the butt" in as strong as you suggest, as in walloping your child Old School. While I don't "spank" my 3-year old daughter, I have "swatted her on the butt" to get her going, or as a way of getting her to take notice. I never do so in a manner that would cause her physical pain, however.

Or maybe I'm just a North American barbarian?

 

[Set]

And one has a gf who is not only vehemently against gaming (to the point where she threatened to throw some gaming books out of his car.. MY game books that he had borrowed) but against him doing things like watching anything or playing any kinds of video games that are related to being 'nerdy'

Nothing you can do about this.

Option one; he's gonna bow to her demands, and you won't get to see him anymore, since she won't let him associate with people like you (we've had this happen a few times). Generally people like this (of either gender) aren't in love with the person, they see them as a 'fixer-upper' or arm-candy trophy-wives, and have convinced themselves that they can turn the person into the sort of person they would rather be dating. So-and-so doesn't want to date a gamer nerd, and instead of finding a jock or something, she's decided to find a gamer-nerd and *train him* to not be a gamer-nerd anymore, 'cause it's more fun to utterly break someone in the process of molding the perfect spouse. Usually, after a few years, they realize that the other person isn't house-training into Prince Charming and that they 'bought a lemon.' Teary recriminations then follow, as Pygmalion blames the Galatea for not working hard enough to become the sort of person that they wanted them to turn into and still being the same old 'loser' or 'geek' or whatever that they married. In especially unhappy variations, they have kids, 'because I thought he/she would change if we had kids.' Easiest way to tell if you've landed one of these prizes is if they start 'accidentally' ruining your clothes and then buying you new clothes, because how you dress reflects upon their imaginary status. When they start talking about having a yard sale to get rid of your comic book collection, do whatever you have to do to get away, even if it involves gnawing off an appendage and changing your name. This goes both ways. An insecure boyfriend who flips out whenever his arm-candy is seen talking to another boy and is calling her every 20 minutes to check up on her and make sure that she's where she said she would be is more than annoying, it's a warning sign from the heavens to get the hell away from him.

Option two; he's gonna get a new girlfriend who isn't an insecure controlling freak (and might even be a new potential gamer!), and be able to go out and play with his friends again (this also has happened a few times).

Sometimes option 1 happens for a little while, and after a few years of misery, option 2 occurs (occasionally involving a messy divorce) and the gamer is free to have friends / dress himself / say anything other than 'yes, dear' in public again.

 

[pawsplay]

What is wrong with getting a babysitter if the kids aren't old enough to play or entertain themselves?

It is telling that the majority of this thread is about how single or childless gamers should accommodate couples with children and not about how parents who want to game should accommodate players without children.

I think that a lot of people don't stop being selfish when they become parents, they just become a socially acceptable type of selfish.

I don't think it's selfish to put my children first. If I don't, who else will?

I have a very easy way to accomodate players who refuse to game around children: be seeing you. Sorry, taking care of my kids and my family budget came way before gaming with His Royal Majesty, Bachelor of Singleton. It is just not worth the effort of trying to hide the best and important part of my life for someone else, particularly someone else who is not feeling generous toward the perpetuation of their own species.

I'm perfectly happy gaming with other people with children. Why shouldn't they be happy with mine? That's just the kind of person I am, and that's the kind of person I would prefer to game with.

I have met people with children who don't want them anywhere near a game and definitely go the babysitter/imposing on grandparents route. I simply don't feel gaming is an area where I need to carve out a child-free space.

I have reflected recently that if I had a sitter, I might be interested in putting together a Vampire game at someone else's house. Mature themes and all that. But that's months away, if it ever happens; our youngest is five months.

 

[roguerouge]

Devil's advocate questions here:

Given the myriad distractions that children provide and the amount of attention that's required to prevent them from swallowing things inappropriately, how on earth do you parents expect to do immersive role play? Do you just roll dice and keep an eye on the kiddies? Do you expect everyone in your group to give up immersive role play to accommodate your desire to not pay for baby sitting? And do you expect them to never feel the slightest bit of resentment about it?