Mamacat's helpful hints for gaming with couples with or without kids

[racoffin]

Devil's advocate questions here:

Given the myriad distractions that children provide and the amount of attention that's required to prevent them from swallowing things inappropriately, how on earth do you parents expect to do immersive role play? Do you just roll dice and keep an eye on the kiddies? Do you expect everyone in your group to give up immersive role play to accommodate your desire to not pay for baby sitting? And do you expect them to never feel the slightest bit of resentment about it?

It hasn't been an issue so far. We've suffered through playing in a crowded youth center with ping-pong balls and the occational pool ball flying by and fifty people screaming in the background, in the all-too-frequent cellphone calls by another player's significant other, the occational pause to find the right music for the mood, to answer to door to get food and/or travel to get food, late players, people leaving early to elsewhere/to work/home, pets at other players homes wanting attention/to be fed/to be walked, and so on.

There are times when you can do in-depth immersive RP, and there are times when it is elusive. But that will happen regardless of whether or not children are part of the occation; players are quite capable of derailing a thrilling scene with 20 minutes of Monty Python quotes or bogging down on looking up a rule.

I don't look on other people's children as an impediment to my RP (and they have felt the same, at least those we play with) any more than I look upon the player who drank 3 two liter cokes in half an hour and has to go to the bathroom every 2 minutes, or has to check in with the spouse/SO/etc every so often, or gets easily distracted playing with their dice, or whatever.

 

[neceros]

He's very American and she is very Japanese.

That's hot.

 

[Varianor Abroad]

Excellent tips and advice here! Thanks for putting this together.

A few observations.

There are different issues with babies, small children, and tweens. (The 14+ teenager is rarely an issue for interruptions. Their particular brand of mayhem happens well outside gaming for the most part.) It's important to understand those. Baby through toddler age kids are easier to deal with. It's the developmental ages (4-7) where small kids can be the most inquisitive or the most disruptive.

I truly appreciate my friends putting up with my kids during said developmental ages. There are times when we've been pretty immersed, and something happens, and I have to respond. They've always been gracious about it. Those are the best friends to have.

Another solution for those who prefer a more adult or immersive game is to game with friends who have children of babysitting age (11+ here in CT). This solves many problems in one bucket. The older kids watch the younger ones (perhaps even for some small amounts of cash if you hae it). The adults game. There are occasional interruptions, but they are a nice way to get back in touch with your kids for a bit. If someone then happens to start a D&D game just for the kids, you can also have the joy of watching the explosion of wonder in their eyes as they start to play.

 

[pawsplay]

Devil's advocate questions here:

Given the myriad distractions that children provide and the amount of attention that's required to prevent them from swallowing things inappropriately, how on earth do you parents expect to do immersive role play?

Amazing super powers. Also, the kids help cut down on immersive distractions by consuming all the Cheetohs and Mountain Dew.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Here are my thoughts as a gamer with a wife who (sometimes) games and has children:

1. If the children are present at a game, be prepared to watch your language. Occasional slips a understandable, especially in tense or exciting situations, but if you tend to drop f-bombs regularly, something will have to change.
2. Kids are a major distraction from the game. Things are going to get missed because of it. Things may need to be repeated or recapped in the middle of the game. On the flip side, the parents need to realize that sometimes you will need to muddle your way through part of the game with a less than perfect understanding of what is happening.
3. If the parents are using a babysitter, the DM needs to be very aware of the time and be willing to stop the session early, rather than get into a lengthy battle 20 minutes before they need to leave.

For the person who has players with SOs who have problems with gaming; there is pretty much nothing you can do. Those players need to figure out on their own what they want and need to be happy. Some people don't think its that big a deal to give up gaming for their spouse, and they are right. Other times it is one sign of a much larger issue where the spouse does not allow the player any personal social identity and it eventually leads to much larger problems.

As someone outside the relationship, you might be able to see that coming, but it is a very difficult thing to get yourself involved in. If the player is a good friend you might bring up your concerns, but you have to let them decide for themselves. Be ready for them to ignore your concerns, then be ready to be a supporting friend in the years to come, and don't say "I told you so" if they are unhappy in their relationship.

 

[Mustrum_Ridcully]

Or maybe I'm just a North American barbarian?

Maybe, but you must be multiclassed or have at least put some ranks in Read/Write, otherwise you wouldn't be here on the message board and reading posts or writing them!

 

[carmachu]

2. If you are going to game with folks who have kids, be prepared to watch your stuff. I have a two year old, who tries to steal dice, pencils, etc. And she also dives into snacks if she can get to them (a two year old on cheetos is not pretty, for anyone ).

3. Unless a couple has dependable sitters (or the money to hire them), you will probably end up gaming at the house of those with kids. Please resist playing with the toys strewn all over (at least too much), and be prepared for several breaks in the action for diaper changes, drinks of water, etc.


7. NEVER discipline a child that isn't yours physically. It's OK to say, "Hey, that's mine, please give it back.", and then get your stuff back. But if the kid needs a spanking, swat on the butt, or time out, let the parents do it. The parents should be quick to take care of their children, as well. If a child is in your way, either ask the parents to move the child, or ask them if you can do so (my group knows to gently move my daughter by putting a hand in the small of her back, and nudging her. She moves on her own.).

8. Hint for parents - the other gamers do NOT want to hear about potty training, etc. Save that for Gramma. Unless, of course, they ASK. Also, other gamers do not necessarily want to hold your baby.


10. The children will always come first. Don't ever think different. Much as the parents like you, the group, the game - Their kids are their kids. If a child has a nightmare, and needs to cuddle and have a story, the game will either have to wait, or you guys will have to forge ahead without that player. And, of course, there will be some cancelled games from time to time.


12. Try to be respectful of the parents and keep the language at least PG rated when the kids are around.

Most of those are fairly good. However I have to quibble about 2 & 7. More 2 then 7. If you dont want folks dealing with your child when they get into their stuff, YOU need to watch them better. Yes kids get into EVERYTHING, especially boys. But really if you dont want people dealing with your kids when they get into other stuff, ultimately its your responsibility.

Especially if you dont want to be called a bad parent....

Folk can try to keep their stuff out of kids reach, but ultimately its not their responsibility to watch your kid, its yours.

 

[Jack99]

I won't chastise (too much) for your judgmentalism as you were already Moderated, but I will say that I'm not sure if Mamacat was using the phrase "spanking, swat on the butt" in as strong as you suggest, as in walloping your child Old School. While I don't "spank" my 3-year old daughter, I have "swatted her on the butt" to get her going, or as a way of getting her to take notice. I never do so in a manner that would cause her physical pain, however.

Or maybe I'm just a North American barbarian?

I was moderated for my political comments, not regarding the spanking. And while you may read it anyway you want, please try to see it in context.

NEVER discipline a child that isn't yours physically. It's OK to say, "Hey, that's mine, please give it back.", and then get your stuff back. But if the kid needs a spanking, swat on the butt, or time out, let the parents do it. The parents should be quick to take care of their children, as well. If a child is in your way, either ask the parents to move the child, or ask them if you can do so (my group knows to gently move my daughter by putting a hand in the small of her back, and nudging her. She moves on her own.).

Notice the bolded parts. It is grammatically (at least from my rudimentary understanding of your language) quite easy to read as: A spanking (or a) swat on the butt or (a) time out. When coupled with the first sentence, I doubt that I was wrong.

But I am glad that you at least don't practice such (barbarian) methods. People who hit their children should be prosecuted and have taken away their rights to be parents. Luckily, this is how it works in many countries. Believe me or not, but talking to kids who have had this happen to them, seeing how it screws up their life, can make even a cold-hearted sob like myself a sad panda.

Cheers

 

[Mamacat]

Spanking - the other kid part is so far out, that I don't even want to contemplate that any "normal" people would actually consider it.

Anyway, just asking, since it is illegal to spank (or hit if you will) children around here, and greatly frowned upon by most people. Then again, you live in a country where it is a right to own a gun, and where your government kills people that break the law. I do not know why I am surprised. I bet they hit their children in Uganda as well..

Yes, I do live in such a country, but that does not mean I do any of those things, and I'll thank you not to imply I do.

 

[MINI]

I have kids and my wife hates gaming, lol. I mostly game online to alleviate these problems as getting out of the house for alot of gaming can be difficult.