Female gamers: Weal or woe?

[shieldheart]

Having played d&d almost exclusively with an all male group, the concept of a female gamer is somewhat foreign to me. In the dozen or so sessions I've played with female players, I've found that female gamers, by virtue of their gender alone, change the gameplay experience dramatically.

Most of the time it's a headache.

Hear me out now, I've got nothing against female players. They're awesome and everything. The problem arises mostly with the male players whenever there's a female present. They almost always act differently. Some guys will hold back from being their normal selves and restrain themselves from cracking potentially offensive jokes where they otherwise wouldn't hesitate. Some guys will go out of their way to try to impress the female, in game or otherwise. I've wanted to pull out my hair during sessions where guys spent the entire 3 hours chatting up the girl, distracting her and everyone else from the session and holding it up.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? How do you deal with it? I want to include a few female friends into my gaming sessions but I don't want the atmosphere of the group to change.

 

[C.W.Richeson]

I can't say that I have. I've played in mostly female groups, mostly male groups, and briefly in an all male group. The only real difference was that there were more female PCs in the groups with more women.

Then again, by far I tend to be playing with married folk and have for some time.

 

[Barastrondo]

Hear me out now, I've got nothing against female players. They're awesome and everything. The problem arises mostly with the male players whenever there's a female present.

Should the title of this post not be "Male gamers who are exposed to female gamers: Weal or Woe?"

 

[SavageRobby]

Some guys will hold back from being their normal selves and restrain themselves from cracking potentially offensive jokes where they otherwise wouldn't hesitate.

Wow. You haven't been at our table. We might even be worse when the women show up.

Of course, all the womenfolk at our tables (usually 2-3, to the 5-6 guys) are wives/girlfriends, and we're also all social beyond gaming (dinners, holidays, movies, board games, shopping, etc). Also, most of us are mid-to-late 30s and fairly stable, so that might be part of it.


FWIW, our game sessions are much more interesting because of the mixed group (different perspectives, different strengths, different strategies). I also think it helps that we have multiple women, not just one.

 

[Dragonbait]

Welcome to a hobby where many members are socially awkward..

I've been in a lot of groups with at least one female in them.

In recent memory the worst experience was: One guy tried to flirt with one of two potentially new female gamers the entire time. The GM started to assign seating so that he was away from her (he oftne placed me as her shield), but he would move people's things to sit near her and get upset if we told him where to sit. He ended up creeping her out and she stopped coming after the 3rd game.
...We should have booted the guy, really, for being immature and creating an uncomfortable gaming environment.

Another experience is where a new, and veeeery good looking (IMO) female player joined. It went very well, but one player (not the same guy as above) bought her dice, brought her books, food, and a new mini to use for her character nearly every gaming session. It never went beyond puppy love, as far as I know. She eventually left after 6 months due to her school and work schedule eating up her free time.

I had one experience with a group of hack 'n slashers where, when I was talking about my group at the time, they all looked at me and said "You game with GIRLS?!?!"

 

[Grimstaff]

Love female gamers, never noticed any excessive flirting problems.

Maybe your players need to get out more?


I did have an uncomfotable break-up situation in my group once though, which resulted in the male individual being booted from group, unfortunately.

 

[Arnwyn]

Hear me out now, I've got nothing against female players. They're awesome and everything. The problem arises mostly with the male players whenever there's a female present. They almost always act differently. Some guys will hold back from being their normal selves and restrain themselves from cracking potentially offensive jokes where they otherwise wouldn't hesitate. Some guys will go out of their way to try to impress the female, in game or otherwise. I've wanted to pull out my hair during sessions where guys spent the entire 3 hours chatting up the girl, distracting her and everyone else from the session and holding it up.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? How do you deal with it? I want to include a few female friends into my gaming sessions but I don't want the atmosphere of the group to change.

How likely are you to invite females to any other of your 'nights out with the (guys)'? Would you and/or your group not hesitate inviting females to a (hypothetical) poker night, for example?

That will help answer the question as to how the atmosphere might change (and it certainly sounds like it will, given the first paragraph above).

 

[Alzrius]

Female gamers: Reinventing the weal.

 

[greatamericanfolkher]

I had one female gamer in my spelljammer game a while back. Other than a rules issue we straightened out early (a bard with no perform) she was a great addition to the group.

 

[Pbartender]

Wow. You haven't been at our table. We might even be worse when the women show up.

Of course, all the womenfolk at our tables (usually 2-3, to the 5-6 guys) are wives/girlfriends, and we're also all social beyond gaming (dinners, holidays, movies, board games, shopping, etc). Also, most of us are mid-to-late 30s and fairly stable, so that might be part of it.


FWIW, our game sessions are much more interesting because of the mixed group (different perspectives, different strengths, different strategies). I also think it helps that we have multiple women, not just one.

Quoted...

Because it describes my own situation so exactly, that I might have written it myself.