Female gamers: Weal or woe?

[Hereticus]

Having played d&d almost exclusively with an all male group, the concept of a female gamer is somewhat foreign to me. In the dozen or so sessions I've played with female players, I've found that female gamers, by virtue of their gender alone, change the gameplay experience dramatically.

Most of the time it's a headache.

The Guild - Do You Wanna Date My Avatar

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU]YouTube - The Guild - Do You Wanna Date My Avatar[/ame]

 

[Harr]

It seems like any thread about women gamers immediately turns in a bunch of guys proudly proclaiming that they play rpgs with girls and have for such a long time~!

Ha. This. A thousand times this.

I'm not gonna sit and judge anybody in particular, but let me just say that guys who think that "gaming with girls" is some kind of achievement, or something to be held as a "point of pride" for themselves, something to be sought after and argued for, are in and of themselves more pathetic and sad than those who just don't. The guy who thinks that the fact that there's a girl sitting in his group is notable/interesting enough to take the time to post about it in public forums for everyone to see, screams "virgin" louder than anything else.

A lot has been said in this thread about the hidden creepiness/agendas of the guys who don't handle girls well in their group. But how about the other side of the coin? Let's go ahead and describe a few of the different hidden creepiness and agendas of those guys who actually need to have girls in the group to the point where they will spout off about it to complete strangers:

---

1) The guy can't handle being in an all-guy environment. The guy needs a woman present to provide that validation and the assurance that what he's doing is socially acceptable and not "nerdy" or "gay".

2) The guy is completely co-dependent on his girlfriend/wife, and simply can't imagine doing anything without her sitting beside him and watching over him, even activities that are known to be "guy stuff" (this is the same type of guy that goes out shopping for women's clothes/hair/feminine-hygiene products with his S.O., telling himself he is oh-so-enlightened, when the truth is he simply can't be separated from her for any significant length of time).

3) The guy can't handle other types of social situations where one would naturally interact with women, such as clubbing, parties, movie nights, dinners, etc., and is reduced to using his game nights as an awkward stand-in for socializing.

4) The guy has an overbearing, controlling gf/wife and simply doesn't have the stones to let her know it's guy's night tonight... he is forced to bring her along, even when that wasn't the plan, and emotionally compensates by thinking about how "enlightened" he is for gaming with his woman, when the reality is that he never had any choice about it.

5) The guy has never had any success at all with women, and had gradually convinced himself that if he is enough of a "feminist" and is vocal and outspoken enough about including and empowering women in absolutely everything under the sun, some woman, some day, will notice it and maybe, just maybe, like him for it.

6) The guy feels he needs to prove something to the other guys in the group, by being "the guy that finds and brings girls to the table", and enjoys that feeling of being "proven".

7) The guy has had a "female best friend" for most of his life, whom he's been in love with for most of his life, but has never dared to take it any further than that, and he compensates by inviting her and bringing her along to absolutely everything, no matter if it's inappropriate or awkward for others.

8) The guy considers himself a "white knight" and a friend and champion to women, but can't tear himself away from his woman-deprived hobby, so compensates by acting artificially chivalrous and magnanimous of any woman he happens to come across in the gaming hobby, and nurtures and inflated sense of pride about it.

---

Of course, none of these guys ever realize what it is they're going, and they all, without exception, say to themselves, "It's not that I need to have her/them around - it just happened to turn out that way." Yes, of course it did.... of course.

Now, I realize these descriptions may ruffle some feathers, but I don't consider them any more inflammatory than the mountain of other descriptions and insinuations made all along these threads by guys wanting to make themselves feel better by putting down other guys through the use of words like "virgin" and "immature". I'm just putting a bit of a mirror up to all those guys who immediately saunter into women-gamer threads and strike e-poses to imply that gaming with girls automatically implies that you're some kind of well-adjusted, mature, and somehow superior man. It doesn't... not by a very, very, long shot.

And I do realize that the well-adjusted, mature guy who games with women does exist, but he is for certain in the minority, and I have no doubt whatsoever that more than half of the "well-adjusted" guys posting in this thread belittling other guys, fall into one or more of the categories listed above.

 

[Doctor Jest]

Has anyone else had similar experiences? How do you deal with it? I want to include a few female friends into my gaming sessions but I don't want the atmosphere of the group to change.

You become socialized to working with and interacting with a large number of different kinds of people. You have relationships and perhaps even get married, but become experienced enough with women either way, so that you don't have bubbling sexual tension clouding your brain every time a female is even present.

In short, you grow up and become an adult.

At that point, it's not a big deal if there are women playing or not. After a point, you're just happy to have players, period. You don't give a whit about their gender.

It's really just a question of maturity. There's no way to rush it along, unfortunately. It's a phase that most guys just need to outgrow. Perhaps having women at the table might help them to socialize with females, but it probably won't.

 

[ExploderWizard]

I'm not gonna sit and judge anybody in particular, but let me just say that guys who think that "gaming with girls" is some kind of achievement, or something to be held as a "point of pride" for themselves, something to be sought after and argued for, are in and of themselves more pathetic and sad than those who just don't. The guy who thinks that the fact that there's a girl sitting in his group is notable/interesting enough to take the time to post about it in public forums for everyone to see, screams "virgin" louder than anything else.

.........and this post doesn't?

 

[Aus_Snow]

 

[Keefe the Thief]

Ha. This. A thousand times this.

I'm not gonna sit and judge anybody in particular, but let me just say that guys who think that "gaming with girls" is some kind of achievement, or something to be held as a "point of pride" for themselves, something to be sought after and argued for, are in and of themselves more pathetic and sad than those who just don't. The guy who thinks that the fact that there's a girl sitting in his group is notable/interesting enough to take the time to post about it in public forums for everyone to see, screams "virgin" louder than anything else.

A lot has been said in this thread about the hidden creepiness/agendas of the guys who don't handle girls well in their group. But how about the other side of the coin? Let's go ahead and describe a few of the different hidden creepiness and agendas of those guys who actually need to have girls in the group to the point where they will spout off about it to complete strangers:

---

1) The guy can't handle being in an all-guy environment. The guy needs a woman present to provide that validation and the assurance that what he's doing is socially acceptable and not "nerdy" or "gay".

2) The guy is completely co-dependent on his girlfriend/wife, and simply can't imagine doing anything without her sitting beside him and watching over him, even activities that are known to be "guy stuff" (this is the same type of guy that goes out shopping for women's clothes/hair/feminine-hygiene products with his S.O., telling himself he is oh-so-enlightened, when the truth is he simply can't be separated from her for any significant length of time).

3) The guy can't handle other types of social situations where one would naturally interact with women, such as clubbing, parties, movie nights, dinners, etc., and is reduced to using his game nights as an awkward stand-in for socializing.

4) The guy has an overbearing, controlling gf/wife and simply doesn't have the stones to let her know it's guy's night tonight... he is forced to bring her along, even when that wasn't the plan, and emotionally compensates by thinking about how "enlightened" he is for gaming with his woman, when the reality is that he never had any choice about it.

5) The guy has never had any success at all with women, and had gradually convinced himself that if he is enough of a "feminist" and is vocal and outspoken enough about including and empowering women in absolutely everything under the sun, some woman, some day, will notice it and maybe, just maybe, like him for it.

6) The guy feels he needs to prove something to the other guys in the group, by being "the guy that finds and brings girls to the table", and enjoys that feeling of being "proven".

7) The guy has had a "female best friend" for most of his life, whom he's been in love with for most of his life, but has never dared to take it any further than that, and he compensates by inviting her and bringing her along to absolutely everything, no matter if it's inappropriate or awkward for others.

8) The guy considers himself a "white knight" and a friend and champion to women, but can't tear himself away from his woman-deprived hobby, so compensates by acting artificially chivalrous and magnanimous of any woman he happens to come across in the gaming hobby, and nurtures and inflated sense of pride about it.

---

Of course, none of these guys ever realize what it is they're going, and they all, without exception, say to themselves, "It's not that I need to have her/them around - it just happened to turn out that way." Yes, of course it did.... of course.

Now, I realize these descriptions may ruffle some feathers, but I don't consider them any more inflammatory than the mountain of other descriptions and insinuations made all along these threads by guys wanting to make themselves feel better by putting down other guys through the use of words like "virgin" and "immature". I'm just putting a bit of a mirror up to all those guys who immediately saunter into women-gamer threads and strike e-poses to imply that gaming with girls automatically implies that you're some kind of well-adjusted, mature, and somehow superior man. It doesn't... not by a very, very, long shot.

And I do realize that the well-adjusted, mature guy who games with women does exist, but he is for certain in the minority, and I have no doubt whatsoever that more than half of the "well-adjusted" guys posting in this thread belittling other guys, fall into one or more of the categories listed above.

Your insight into human nature is stunning. Alas, you squandered it by using it on the thread that won the "train wreck go away" award 2009. I have a certain feeling about your post, but, because you apparently can read minds, i don´t have to tell you what it is.

Happy... whatever you do.

 

[Piratecat]

Annnd... we're done. If you're going to dig up an old thread, best to do so without an insulting rant.

Klunkitty klunk klunk,

klunk klunk.