It's hard to avoid arguing

[billd91]

I am one of those people that doesn't let things drop. I always want to get in the last word, and I always jump into things when i seee things I disagree with.
The funny part I am 100% diffrent in person. I also do better at expressing myself in person. I hate myself on messege boards. Like right now, I tried to start a thread the other day to avoid a fight I saw comeing, and all it did was start another fight. SO then I saw a simalar thread, and tried to go there to talk civil, and now I am in another argument.

So maybe you should ask yourself why you are "100% diffrent in person" than you are on message boards? Which one of these two people is really you? Which would you rather was you?

Just like real life, we're the ones responsible for our messageboard behavior. If that behavior is dysfunctional, we're the ones who should be corrected and leave functional debates, discussions, and yes, arguments, free of our interference.

 

[Umbran]

The funny part I am 100% diffrent in person. I also do better at expressing myself in person. I hate myself on messege boards. Like right now, I tried to start a thread the other day to avoid a fight I saw comeing, and all it did was start another fight. SO then I saw a simalar thread, and tried to go there to talk civil, and now I am in another argument.

Well, here's some advice for you, or for anyone else who finds themselves in a similar position. If you consistently find yourself in argumentative mode, and you are not sure why, how, or how to avoid that fate, the moderation staff is generally quite wiling to help you identify what behaviors or points of style are getting you in trouble.

Gather up a handful of examples where you found yourself in less-pleasant discussion modes, and e-mail a moderator with links to them, and we can probably help you find the roots of your problems. Our addresses are available in a post stickied to the top of the Meta Forum.

 

[timbannock]

I do that all the time too, and not only with posts I think will serve as nothing more than aggravation but also when I just realise my point is not as relevant or the people who will read it are not really going to process it anyways. As for people who have to have the final word . . . there was this one girl on WoW that I ignored. She kept making alts so she could keep pestering me and I had to ignore each one. Then at some point she found my guild's website and started posting there. After banning her from that place as well she started sending e-mails. Seriously.

...But was she cute?


I kid.

 

[Dinkeldog]

There's a Monty Python skit about this somewhere. Something about the difference between argument and abuse and the difference between argument and mindless contradiction.

 

[Rel]

there was this one girl on WoW that I ignored. She kept making alts so she could keep pestering me and I had to ignore each one. Then at some point she found my guild's website and started posting there. After banning her from that place as well she started sending e-mails. Seriously.

Man, I bet she was great in the sack!




What?

 

[Dedekind]

I get tired of reading arguments, and I typically don't contribute. I have found myself reading the first page of threads and then not reading the rest. In fact, if a thread is over 3 pages, I basically assume the the comments are 1) mostly repeats or rehashes or 2) arguments that can be attributed to differences in taste. Threads over 5 pages are rarely read at all.

Ironically, I read this thread to the end and posted

If my behavior is representative of anyone else, long threads devolve to mudslinging simply because the neutrals don't want to bother with reading the mud. Or perhaps apathy just kicks in after page 1...

 

[Jeff Wilder]

I like arguing. I also like quarreling. (Those are different things.) I'm good at both.

But I discovered a few things that changed how I do things on EN World:

(1) Some people simply do not know how to argue. It's not a matter of being right, or being wrong, or the subject in question being a matter of opinion (which, contrary to seemingly popular belief, does not automatically exempt it from argument). It is, instead, a fundamental inability to construct an argument.

(2) Some people are hyper-literal to the point that they're incapable or unwilling to admit to ambiguity in anything.

(3) Some people post as if they're in a perpetual bad mood. Every post is snappish and sarcastic. "Terse" is a good day for these folks.

It used to be that when I ran into these people, I'd shift from "argument mode" to "quarrel mode." Now I don't. I simply add them to my Ignore list. It's against my nature (on- or off-line) to wuss out like this, but I've also discovered that the retaliation gets the whistle on EN World (while the provocation is usually ignored). So the Ignore list is the solution for me.

(Digression: The interesting thing, to me, is that I pay almost no attention to the name attached to a post, even when I'm responding to it. So it takes quite a bit for me to recognize a name to the point that I'll slap it on my Ignore list.

It takes even more for me to recognize names attached to well-presented, well-reasoned, helpful posts, unfortunately. I kinda wish EN World had a "Highlight" list, counterpart to the Ignore list, that would make posts by Highlighted posters more visible. That'd be pretty cool.)

 

[Hereticus]

Many people here have been here for a long time, and have persevered through all the old debates... like edition wars and whatever else.

Then a new person shows up who never knew what an "edition war" was, but felt they had strong feelings about an issue, and wanted to post about them.

That being said, I am asking some of the veterans to have some patience with us newbies until we get a lay of the land.

Thank you.

 

[Umbran]

(Digression: The interesting thing, to me, is that I pay almost no attention to the name attached to a post, even when I'm responding to it. So it takes quite a bit for me to recognize a name to the point that I'll slap it on my Ignore list.

This is an important point, because it is more common than you might imagine.

I've seen a number of complaints of the form, "Person X is stalking me around the boards, coming down on me in seven different threads!" And quite often, person X doesn't know the complainer, and doesn't even realize that they've replied in a nasty manner to the same person a number of times.

So, in addition to the general rule, "Don't make an argument personal" is the corollary, "Don't assume the other person is after you, specifically."

 

[ryryguy]

Generally, I was making a habit of ignoring certain kinds of posts. Then I finally figured out how the ignore function works and now my mind is at ease. It creates holes in discussions but I am okay with that. The only issue is I can still read the quoted statements of those I ignore. But I have now developed the habit of glossing over those posts. Does wonders for my blood pressure.

It's a bit strange, when I see a quoted statement from the person on my ignore list (there's only one), I'm fine with reading it. Reading it in the quoted form does nothing to raise my blood pressure. I think perhaps knowing that I have ignored him is enough. I don't feel like I have to respond. I can just read it, think "there he goes again", and laugh.