Dilemna: Should I Quit RPGs?

[Umbran]

It's not the stuff you're doing that's the problem, it's the stuff you're avoiding. Drop all RPGs and fantasy books, you will simply go to new avoidance mechanisms.

This is probably correct. It doesn't sound like the video games or RPGs are the cause of your problem. You can always find something else to waste your time upon, so eliminating the games isn't likely to solve your problem.

I expect you need to identify *why* you're avoiding the things you're supposed to do. Then, you can address the actual root cause of the problem, rather than the symptom.

 

[nedjer]

what motivates you enough to not procrastinate about it

 

[Traveon Wyvernspur]

Sounds like more of a question to me of learning how to organize your time and how to motivate yourself to do things that you should or need to be doing than a product of video games, RPGs, and reading being the culprits. You need to set goals for yourself and carry through with them, if you don't do that, then your punishing yourself with retirement of what you like to do doesn't amount to anything but you sitting around the house staring at the walls. I'd seek out advice from friends, family members and others you trust to find out how the set out their life goals and try to emulate them who do it best, perhaps that will help you. I don't think anyone on EnWorld is a life coach, but maybe look into that too.

 

[ggroy]

During time periods where I was busy, somehow I was able to also spend a lot of time doing all kinds of other stuff like: playing rpg games, watching television, video games, netsurfing, reading many books, doing many house chores, etc ...

But during time periods where I was not busy at all, somehow I had very little to no interest in doing much of anything. No rpg games, very little to no television, no video games, very little to no netsurfing, very little interest in books, etc ...

What exactly I was procrastinating from during times I was busy, I have no idea.

But during time periods where I was not busy at all (ie. no commitments, no duties, no priorities, etc ... where I could do almost whatever I wanted), it turned out I had very little to no interest in doing anything.


(As paradoxical this may sound).

 

[was]

I think the problem here is not the RPGs, but the fact that you only seem to have the one hobby. Pick a second hobby. One that you have to do outdoors and involves other people. Or maybe do some volunteer work on the side. The less free time you have, the more you value it.

 

[Celebrim]

An elder of the CotLDS was asked for a position on D&D, and he answered I think very well. (Note, I'm not a member and am neither endorsing or not endorsing the church.) He said, that at worst the game of D&D was only waste of time, and at best it was only waste of time.

I think that if you are finding conflict between imagination and real life, that real life should always win. Speaking as someone who has immense sympathy for what you feel, give it up. It's not worth it. I wasted a good deal of my life on trivialities, and ultimately I learned that as important as they may seem at the time, they are trivial and at some point you'll realize that. Try to make the realization a pleasant one.

However, I will also say that if you are using RPGs as escapism and finding yourself too easily distracted by their joys, its probably a symptom of deeper problems that you need to address. In my case, it was because I'd put myself in a position to fail, where I was gauranteed to be unhappy, and just needed an excuse. Specifically, I'd rushed into young adulthood two years early after a painful and difficult childhood to escape that situation, but wasn't willing to be an adult yet. I'd have been better off doing anything but going to school when I did, whether it had been the military or simply pushing a broom around a warehouse. This may not seem at all obvious to you now, but chances are if you are finding RPGs a distraction, its a good indication that your life isn't where it needs to be in the first place. Figure out where it needs to be, and you'll find I think RPGs go back to assuming the small waste of time they ought to be and not the monster that they can become.

 

[vagabundo]

The problem here is not the RPGs, it is he avoidance. It is your lack of self discipline, and, luckily, this is something you can train yourself with. Start small. Work for an hour and give yourself a reward, make sure it is something you enjoy and something that takes no more than about 15 minutes.

 

[Zelda Themelin]

I have similar problem. It doesn't matter if I stop playing computer games/rpg/anything fun, I still avoid doing those things I don't want to start even if it means I am shooting my own leg that way.

Best thing is just moderate those things you like to do, not stop them. And find out why you are avoiding doing something. For me it feels I am already failed not matter what I do. Some test, some finishing school, getting job/better job etc. cleaning the house, fixing my collection of books, keeping up something Whatever, I come up with any excuse no matter how pointless and boring to avoid that, which is my issue. I "forget it", I will tell myself "tomorrow", "any day now".

I think rpg:s actually make me feel better. And I know from experience that stopping doing things you like to do things you are avoiding to do, only tends to drive me at least, to lands of depression and general "just giving up":

If your issue is coming from low self-esteem, stream of failures and bad luck generally in life, don't give up things that still give you positive feelings. Moderate them. And try to find some other outlets as well, maybe going out for walks, or finding people to talk about what you are afraid of. Non-judgy people, because those conversations suck. People without similar problem don't just understand how hard it is start actually doing something you have pushed as far you can from your list of to-do things.

Sometimes there is no small steps, so things are just do or don't. Moments to do somethings right tend to expire.

On the other hand if you kinda avoid to do some things to be lazy, when you are actually overworking yourself with hobby. Ask any long-time WoW-player.

Keep track what you eat, how much you sleep, how well, and how often you get fresh air and do some physical stuff. Lack of those things build more avoidance problems for me.

Also there is little one can do for loosing intrest for something, like hobby, or finishing particular school. You have to find something of intrest about those things if you consider re-starting them. Otherwise you are setting yourself for another "permission to fail".

I am currenly in situation where I only have bad choices, so I choose to do worse of them all, I do nothing.

I suggest you train yourself out of that avoidance habit as fast as you can. I wish you luck, I didnt make it. Maybe next year...

 

[Wiseblood]

Do you feel rewarded by what you do?


Or


Do you feel that you will be rewarded when you are done?

 

[Kaodi]

Thank you for the advice, everyone. The majority position seems to be that giving up is not going to help, and having thought about it a bit, I think I will stick it out a while longer at least; by which I mean not quit, but still try to cut down at least. There are a number of things in the various replies that I should address though, I think.

- A few of you mentioned seeking professional counsel of some sort. This was in fact recommended to me by the school counsellor back in August, but it became one of the many things I put off. I thought I would be able to finish my work and then would set up an appointment, where it now seems that I should have set up the appointment first (because I have yet to finish my work, despite the fact that it now counts for nothing). Now I will end up paying out of pocket for it instead of it being covered by the school, but I believe it is just something I should in fact do.

- S'mon: Good God, have I spent a TON of time reading newspapers online. In fact, this is by far a worse outlet for procrastination than RPGs. I tend to read at least a few articles from the Toronto Star, the Globe & Mail, the Canadian edition of the Huffington Post and the English edition of Ha'aretz pretty much every day. I would have added it to the potential chopping block, but you cannot exactly cut the news entirely out of your life without serious ramifications, especially when one of your areas of study is politics.

- Dannyalcatraz: One of my professors whom I most closely befriended made this same point once about learning to work within your bad habits. It is a good point, but I guess I did not take the advice in time.

- Aberzanzorax: I sort of expect that the more I cut out the more I will procrastinate by doings chores; chores I should probably be doing anyway. I guess I thought that at terrible as avoiding what I should be doing by doing chores, even if I loathe them, that then I would at least be doing something useful. I live with my parents still (though I went away during the school year), and there is sooooo much that needs to be done around here, which increasingly seems like I may have to do myself, despite my inexperience. My inaction had made me passively horrible to my parents (at least my Mom; I feel less guilty about my Dad, who could use a chill pill himself).

- nedjer: This is the thing. I am not sure if there is anything that can make me feel different enough to be motivated. My feelings for my family have not been strong enough for me to overcome the inertia of inaction. Part of me still hopes that if I had a significant other (the fact that I have never been able to ask a girl out is probably a subject for the shrink), for her I would be able to get over my problems, but more and more I think that I this is merely the last holdout for my fooling myself about somehow feeling " differently " in the future; more motivated. The fact for instance that knowledge of what I must do to obtain anothers feelings has not motivated me to do anything leaves a lot of room for doubt. Now that I think of it, I suppose I hold similar hopes for if I worked in the public service, but there is way in which I could reasonably believe that anyone should hire me for that now. I am not comfortable with pretending to be a better candidate for a job than I am, which would be necessary I think for me to get anywhere. In fact, it feels like I am already disqualified from what I thought I really wanted to do: politics.

- ggroy: One of my housemates in second year made this observation as well. He felt that because he was always busy that he in fact was able to use his time really well. I am not sure how I could test this, however, without taking risks as to how much I can handle that could end even more poorly.

- was: I live in the country. There is a lot of fresh air and outdoors, but precious little of interest, and no people that share my interests, as far as I know. It is kind of vexxing, because as much as I need to go out and exercise more as well, there is nothing within my range that I can go to and enjoy.

- Celebrim: I am not quite sure I am clear on what you are saying, though I think it is important. That I should give up on trivial imaginations? I see the wisdom in that, I just have no idea how to do it. No idea how to forget wanting to try and conquer Europe or Japan with smart use of my troops in Total War, or exploring the wilderness and ruins and collecting things in the Elder Scrolls and Fallout. Those are currently the games that most occupy my mind. What is certainly strange in some ways about the latter case is that I am more compelled by the minutae or emergent gameplay styles than the combat and roleplaying aspects.

- Zelda Themalin: Indeed. I forget when it exactly it was, but either this past year or the one before it, I came to think that " New Years " is basically the bigger, more evil brother of " Tomorrow " and " Later " . The whole phenomenon of New Years Resolutions has begun to feel kind of perverse.

- Wiseblood: I am not sure what you mean. I suppose that in theory one is rewarded when one is done something, but I do not feel very strongly about the reward as I ought to. That is part of the problem I think.

The thing is, procrastination is so weird, yet so strong. Take for instance one of the things I should be doing: reading over a couple of articles on feminist contractarianism. One of the ways in which I avoided doing this when I was at the university library near where I live (a different university from the one I am enrolled in) was to read other articles on feminism, in this case two by professors at my university (the book itself was editted by the professor I was supposed to read it for). It is not even the sort of things being doing that is being avoided...