Coaxing the new player to the table

[SnowleopardVK]

A short, 1 on 1 oneshot would certainly be possible, and I'll look into that. Picking up new systems is a bit beyond my financial capabilities though, and I don't think I have the political connections to get away with kidnapping.

Are you certain that the reluctance isn't a polite refusal in order to disguise a lack of genuine interest?

...She was the one who had the interest in the first place though.

Will she fit in with the other players if she did join the group?

Probably. I get the impression she'd do great among the kind of people my home group contains. She's also already friends with one of the other players, who is also in our class, and she's acquainted with that player's boyfriend, who is also one of my players. So only two people (less than half the group) would actually be new people to her.

Have you tried a trail of candy? A trail of skittles would work 100% of the time on me

Haha, that would probably work on me too.

 

[Quickleaf]

Probably. I get the impression she'd do great among the kind of people my home group contains. She's also already friends with one of the other players, who is also in our class, and she's acquainted with that player's boyfriend, who is also one of my players. So only two people (less than half the group) would actually be new people to her.

I don't know the saying in Canada, but in Hawaii it would be "Hele on!"

Which, roughly translated, means "Get going!" as in "Whatcha waiting for? Hele on and get her in your game - she shoulda been there yesterday, cuz."

 

[Umbran]

If I try too hard, she gets scared off, if I hold back she can't seem to work up the courage herself. Any suggestions?

Okay, assuming she's not trying for a polite refusal that isn't a refusal...

Then, perhaps she's afraid of looking dumb and newbie in front of an entire group at once. So, try reducing the barrier. Pick one of your players - the most friendly and welcoming, one she knows since you have those. You'll run a one-shot to familiarize her with the system with her and this other player. Maybe have you three meet at a coffee shop or something first, just to meet without the game, to help her feel more at ease.

 

[was]

invite her to a session to watch/observe..and have pizza and munchies there

 

[haakon1]

Okay, assuming she's not trying for a polite refusal that isn't a refusal...

Then, perhaps she's afraid of looking dumb and newbie in front of an entire group at once. So, try reducing the barrier. Pick one of your players - the most friendly and welcoming, one she knows since you have those. You'll run a one-shot to familiarize her with the system with her and this other player. Maybe have you three meet at a coffee shop or something first, just to meet without the game, to help her feel more at ease.

Agree completely, but can't give you XP.

Offer the 2:1 option with a nice, calm player (hopefully someone she already knows), and if she says no to that, let it go as in that cases it probably means "vaguely interested, but not enough to actually play".

 

[Wycen]

You mentioned class. Well, if you haven't already brought books and stuff to class, now you should. Let her flip through the books, ask questions, maybe even borrow a book (if you have two copies of something, I'd not be so friendly but that's me).

If that goes well, mention you could roll up a character after class or during a break, on campus. No pressure, just showing her what some of the arcane words mean. In fact, you might say "I've brought my books because I'm working on my PC or an NPC, you could watch if you want", rather than "want to make a character?" That way she has more control over her choice to observe and participate or not.

 

[erf_beto]

* lend her a D&D book, like the PHB - or preferably a Red Box (any introductory module).
* ask her if she'd like to watch a game before playing, just to see what's that about.
* in between your classes, help her through character generation. It might get her attached to the character, and she'll possibly want to see it "come to life".
* if that fails, kidnap and torture her, possibly offering her soul to the Dark Gods. Because that's what we DnDers do, right?

 

[Zelda Themelin]

Good luck with that. You've had some great tips here. But I must tell you warning story.

I knew one girl that was interesting about D&D games. And she slipped that information to some half-friends (not fiends). And they got all over her for that. It was polite, but she was kinda shy girl, and didn't like the how exited they became, it made her suspect their motivations. (Yeh, and they would have liked to date her so not complitely untrue). She did get to play rpg:s later, but with another group.

Here is another. This one is about me. I told some guys I was interesting in playing some Runequest. And we got onto some discussions of rpg:s and eventually they asked me to play. I was initially interested. HOwever, when we talked some more I started to feel group dynamics were wrong, and they brought liqued there and got drunk. No thanks.

Then there was this another group I almost played with. I actually ended up sitting and watching one session. And there I learned their playing-style was weird/I didn't get it/and I didn't like it. Not weird-weird, it was all of it really, campaing focus, long-ongoing game. Took me some effort to politely squirm out of that one.

So if you only meet at that club and don't otherwise hang, she might be bit wary. Also no prior experiance with rpg is a big thing. Dont' socially assault her remaining her about it. Get a closure. If it turns out she is not willing to play with you, tell her it's ok and move on, but now you can discuss with her about rpg:s in case she wants to play later with you or some other group.

And in case she would be interesting to try out come to her with actual plan, refer to her intrest and tell you would be interesting to showing her how to make character and maybe even play small solo game to get hang of rules. Leave her room to step out, and it's more likely she will actually want to try actual rpg.

Coming over to someone's home you don't know that well, is issue for some people. You might want to settle place at library etc.

 

[SnowleopardVK]

I knew one girl that was interesting about D&D games. And she slipped that information to some half-friends (not fiends). And they got all over her for that. It was polite, but she was kinda shy girl, and didn't like the how exited they became, it made her suspect their motivations. (Yeh, and they would have liked to date her so not complitely untrue). She did get to play rpg:s later, but with another group.

Not quite sure what you're getting at with that part of your story. The rest, yeah I understand. I wouldn't really like to go over to someone's house who I don't really know either.

We hold most of our games at the university itself at any rate. The only games that I run from home are online ones with a different group, or small-party ones with only the players that live with me.

 

[Pbartender]

Not quite sure what you're getting at with that part of your story. The rest, yeah I understand. I wouldn't really like to go over to someone's house who I don't really know either.

His point is that sometimes people (and especially gamer-geeks) can come on pretty strong when someone shows interest in their hobby. It's easy to scare them off with an over-abundance of enthusiasm. And when the people are guys and the someone's a girl, the excess enthusiasm might be mistaken for other motivations.