D&D 5E Crazy Ideas 5E Should Not Adopt

[Li Shenron]

58) The PHB will have no less than a couple thousands pages, but everything except page 1 is modular.

59) All races will have a version which is designed as a class if you want to, but also all classes have a version as races (you get all benefits at 1st level). Also, there are versions for weapons as monsters, monsters as traps, and traps as weapons.

60) In order to allow full freedom in character customization, all options and features will be based on analog models instead of numbers. No more indecision between +1s and +2s when you can have +1.39328, +sqrt(2) or +pi/2. [As a module, complex numbers-based features are allowed too]

Instead of dice, each game ships with a cat. If the cat knocks over your miniatures, your character takes damage. If the cat ever dies, you need to buy another copy of the game.

How about making it a Schrödinger cat?

Which now suggests the next proposal:

61) Since we're no longer in the 70s, the game will now require quantum dice to be played, whatever they are.

 

[MortalPlague]

62) Knowledge of the rules is treason, adventurer! Please report to DM Control for summary execution.

 

[trancejeremy]

63) Psionic Combat is now resolved by playing a game of Twister between the DM and Player

 

[Blacky the Blackball]

64) WotC will trawl through messageboards and compile a list of every rule (or absence or a rule) that has been mentioned by someone as a "dealbreaker". They will then ensure that 5e contains all these rules - especially the contradictory ones.

 

[Meophist]

All checks will be opposed checks. To see that chair, you need to do a Spot/Perception skill check opposed to the chair's Hide skill check.

Addendum: All objects have skills. Objects are people too, you know.

 

[TarionzCousin]

In 5E, all [-]dwarven[/-] women have beards.

 

[bouncyhead]

67) The 5E Monster Manual: The Aboleth to be renamed the 'Zuboleth' so that it can turn out to be behind everything at the end.

 

[Danzauker]

68) All classes will be replaced by Angry Birds. In core you can choose:

Red Bird: defender

White Bird/Blue Bird: controller

Yellow Bird/Black Bird: striker

Other birds in later modules.

 

[Henry]

If you cut your way out of a monster's belly, muscular action closes the hole.

 

[Grazzt]

Character death during character creation