Ah, yes! "Cat [pee] Man", as I have seen that kind of gamer called.
I don't care for them, either.
Ashamed of being a Gamer?
Ah, yes! "Cat [pee] Man", as I have seen that kind of gamer called.
I don't care for them, either.
gamerprinter
Mapper/Publisher
I see them at Cons, never met one outside of a con though.
FickleGM
Explorer
You know what they say, "If you haven't met one, you ..."
...wait, I'm thinking of a poker idiom. Carry on.
You've never been to any of my FLGSs then...
Rel
Liquid Awesome
Fairly interesting topic on several levels.
I don't hide my gaming hobby much. But I also don't talk with people about stuff in which they show no interest. If they find out about me being a gamer (this often happens when they say "What's going on this weekend?" and I answer, "We're having our next NC Game Day. Got a bunch of friends coming into town for that.") and seem curious then I'll hit them with the elevator pitch about what it is. I don't tell them about my character or campaign.
I'm also a Life and Couples Coach and I don't think that being unwilling to share the nature of an activity that you're spending several hours a week doing is an indicator of a healthy relationship (that doesn't mean that the relationship doesn't have plenty of other redeeming qualities). This goes for any number of activities but we're of course discussing gaming in this thread. Consider:
Gamer's Statement: "I'm going to play poker with my friends."
Spouse's Response: "I have no objection to this."
Gamer's Statement: "I'm going to play D&D with my friends."
Spouse's Response: "I am going to mock and ridicule you."
Now if that is truly what happens then I think that shows either a lack of understanding or lack of respect. In the absence of a behavior that is actively harmful or objectionable (ironically, poker played for cash could easily fall into that category) it's pretty controlling to act that way about your spouse's hobbies.
On the other hand I think what may be going on in many cases is "catastrophizing". Somebody had a bad experience one time when they told a significant other about their hobby and so they are going to keep mum about it from then on, assuming that they'll get a similar response. We humans are really good at building these things up in our own minds and imagining that they'll be much worse than the likely outcome.
Anyhow, I'm of the opinion that marriage is a lot of work under the best of circumstances. Adding this sort of deception would be tiring for me personally and I can't foresee advising any of my clients to do it.
I don't hide my gaming hobby much. But I also don't talk with people about stuff in which they show no interest. If they find out about me being a gamer (this often happens when they say "What's going on this weekend?" and I answer, "We're having our next NC Game Day. Got a bunch of friends coming into town for that.") and seem curious then I'll hit them with the elevator pitch about what it is. I don't tell them about my character or campaign.
I'm also a Life and Couples Coach and I don't think that being unwilling to share the nature of an activity that you're spending several hours a week doing is an indicator of a healthy relationship (that doesn't mean that the relationship doesn't have plenty of other redeeming qualities). This goes for any number of activities but we're of course discussing gaming in this thread. Consider:
Gamer's Statement: "I'm going to play poker with my friends."
Spouse's Response: "I have no objection to this."
Gamer's Statement: "I'm going to play D&D with my friends."
Spouse's Response: "I am going to mock and ridicule you."
Now if that is truly what happens then I think that shows either a lack of understanding or lack of respect. In the absence of a behavior that is actively harmful or objectionable (ironically, poker played for cash could easily fall into that category) it's pretty controlling to act that way about your spouse's hobbies.
On the other hand I think what may be going on in many cases is "catastrophizing". Somebody had a bad experience one time when they told a significant other about their hobby and so they are going to keep mum about it from then on, assuming that they'll get a similar response. We humans are really good at building these things up in our own minds and imagining that they'll be much worse than the likely outcome.
Anyhow, I'm of the opinion that marriage is a lot of work under the best of circumstances. Adding this sort of deception would be tiring for me personally and I can't foresee advising any of my clients to do it.
Lwaxy
Cute but dangerous
This is to no one in particular.
Quite a few gamers (and geeks in general) are on the autism spectrum, me and most my family included. Being loud or having no social life just happens to be part of it for a lot of us. I have no social life other than gaming and a few cat related contacts. My husband is loud, and I'm sure a lot of people would consider him obnoxious, but he can't control the volume of his voice, he never could, despite years of vocal training. We have 2 players with tourette syndrome, one who constantly laughs or breaks out in song and one who keeps repeating what everyone else said over and over. My cousin who I get most of my published adventures from has a sneezing tick. Myself, I talk to myself a lot when I'm going through my notes or books and I guess that irritates some people as well. At least my husband tells me to shut up when I talk on the computer too much while preparing stuff. None of the mentioned reads body language well or uses it correctly.
I don't WANT to bother with people anymore after I have been mobbed out of all my former social groups who, no doubt, didn't want to bother with anyone not like them, or probably thought I was giving them a bad name. Society at large tends not to think about why someone is/does something differently. It doesn't need to as 'society' is always the majority. But this hurts a lot of people.
Yeah there are definitely players I wouldn't want to hang out with either (and bad hygiene definitely is one reason, including clothes smelling nicotine). But it just so happens that for plenty of spectrumites, gaming, whether RPGs or board/card games, happens to be the only opportunity or reason to meet people and, in the case of RPGs, be someone else for a while and forget a life usually full of misunderstandings and social confusion. In fact, RPGs often teach some of the social skills people have issues with.
Now I'm not saying anyone should play with people who constantly irritate them, after all it is your precious free time we talk about (and I have removed someone from my games in the past). But maybe stop and think next time you find someone can't control his voice, or has ticks, or seems to be overbearing in body language. Sometimes talking to them helps, too, as it is not always the case that they even have the slightest clue about what is wrong. And it's not like all people you game with need to be friends in the general sense.
On our table, at least, anyone is welcome who can be a team player and doesn't push his/her PC in the spotlight all the time and who follows the rules of the place we are gaming at.
Quite a few gamers (and geeks in general) are on the autism spectrum, me and most my family included. Being loud or having no social life just happens to be part of it for a lot of us. I have no social life other than gaming and a few cat related contacts. My husband is loud, and I'm sure a lot of people would consider him obnoxious, but he can't control the volume of his voice, he never could, despite years of vocal training. We have 2 players with tourette syndrome, one who constantly laughs or breaks out in song and one who keeps repeating what everyone else said over and over. My cousin who I get most of my published adventures from has a sneezing tick. Myself, I talk to myself a lot when I'm going through my notes or books and I guess that irritates some people as well. At least my husband tells me to shut up when I talk on the computer too much while preparing stuff. None of the mentioned reads body language well or uses it correctly.
I don't WANT to bother with people anymore after I have been mobbed out of all my former social groups who, no doubt, didn't want to bother with anyone not like them, or probably thought I was giving them a bad name. Society at large tends not to think about why someone is/does something differently. It doesn't need to as 'society' is always the majority. But this hurts a lot of people.
Yeah there are definitely players I wouldn't want to hang out with either (and bad hygiene definitely is one reason, including clothes smelling nicotine). But it just so happens that for plenty of spectrumites, gaming, whether RPGs or board/card games, happens to be the only opportunity or reason to meet people and, in the case of RPGs, be someone else for a while and forget a life usually full of misunderstandings and social confusion. In fact, RPGs often teach some of the social skills people have issues with.
Now I'm not saying anyone should play with people who constantly irritate them, after all it is your precious free time we talk about (and I have removed someone from my games in the past). But maybe stop and think next time you find someone can't control his voice, or has ticks, or seems to be overbearing in body language. Sometimes talking to them helps, too, as it is not always the case that they even have the slightest clue about what is wrong. And it's not like all people you game with need to be friends in the general sense.
On our table, at least, anyone is welcome who can be a team player and doesn't push his/her PC in the spotlight all the time and who follows the rules of the place we are gaming at.
gamerprinter
Mapper/Publisher
If my spouse told me she was going to play poker with her friends - first of all, I wouldn't believe that, as such sounds fishy. Also, if she were playing poker with her friends, does that mean she's gambling our money away! I'd have far more fear and be far more upset, if I thought she was idly gambling her money away.
I think the gambling excuse is far more destructive than telling your spouse you play RPGs. I can't really get my head around the not saying so.
I think the gambling excuse is far more destructive than telling your spouse you play RPGs. I can't really get my head around the not saying so.
Lwaxy
Cute but dangerous
But gambling is an "adult" thing, while anything just games unless palyed with the kids is seen as childish.
Hey, maybe we need to include gambling into our games. "I bet you by ranger lasts to level 7..."
Rel
Liquid Awesome
I took a class recently about how the brain forms new habits and about preserving brain function as we age. Playing games is one of the best things you can do to keep your brain function agile as you get older because interactive problem solving uses more brain activity than television or reading. Furthermore, it's important not to always engage in the same sort of problem solving (i.e. doing the crossword or Sudoku every day is fine for entertainment but you eventually lose the brain benefit).
To me, RPG's are one of the better fits for this kind of thing because you're constantly encountering different sorts of challenges and engaging different parts of your brain. If anything we should be doing MORE of this as we "mature", not less.
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