Deuce Traveler
Adventurer
I saw that, too! I almost went the same way, but I couldn't figure out how to make the trees gender work in the story and gave up on that line of thought.
IRON DM 2013--Entries, Judgements, Commentary, & Trash-Talk
Rune
Once A Fool
Round 2, Match 1 Judgement: Wicht vs. Dragonwriter
Let me start out by saying that this was a very difficult match for me to judge. I'll get to the reasons for this later. First, I want to talk a little bit about the rules. With a 48 hour time-limit, I expect to see more polished entries—entries that have been given extra consideration and extra editing. Put simply, a 48 hour time-limit is a lot less challenging than a 24 hour time-limit. To balance this out, there is a word limit, which, in the second round, is 3000 words. And Dragonwriter's entry, “The Unending Cycle” (henceforth, “Cycle”) clocks in at 3009 words (not including the title or ingredient list at the beginning). I didn't even include the byline in the count. This is with Open Office, which counts “--” as an individual word (there were five of these), but counts two words separated with a slash as a single word (there were several instances of these).
Dragonwriter said (in the scheduling thread) that the piece clocked in at 2995, but I can't figure out how how. I tried very hard to figure out where the extra 14 words came from, but I just can't. In the end, I have to go with my count. So, now I get to figure out whether or not those extra 9 words are that critical to the entry. I guess the reasonable thing to do would be to mentally chop off the last 9 words of the entry. Fortunately for Dragonwriter, those last 9 words didn't really add anything at all, they were merely part of the formatting used to help me (the judge) navigate the piece.
And, anyway, Wicht didn't exactly follow the rules, either (nor in his first entry). There was no easy-to-reference list of ingredients at the start of his entries, even though both ingredients-posts specifically asked for one. But it doesn't really matter. I bring it up only because we're talking about rules, here. In the end, I'll call it a wash. This time.
Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about ingredients, shall we?
Wicht's entry, “The Crystals of Monassan,” (henceforth, “Crystals”) gives us a potential end of A world. It's an interesting world, though, and, more importantly, it factors heavily into the actual adventure. “Cycle” has a true End of the World and also did something that I was hoping to see—it used the ingredient as a location. But, as flavorful as this was, it really didn't matter much to the adventure, except as a set-piece and a(n admittedly very interesting) moral dilemma posed at the very end. If the PCs actually had a way to alter the fate before it happened and/or didn't have a way to make it inconsequential after the end of the adventure, I would have happily given the edge to “Cycle,” but as it is, I can't.
And that brings us to Unearth. In both entries, it is used to represent the type of normal investigative process that one could expect in an adventure. In the case of “Crystals,” it is more literal, but they are both a bit standard. In addition, “Cycle” refers to a place as an “Un-earth,” which is exactly the clever kind of interpretation I was hoping the ingredient would invoke. Unfortunately, that “Un-earth” is simply another name for the first ingredient (the location, that is). That's a problem. In order for two ingredients to successfully apply to one thing, they have to be substantially different in some way!.
Diplomatic Immunity factors in both entries in a similar manner, as well, but favors one adventure over the other. “Crystals” presents some interesting role-playing opportunities with its murderous ambassador(s). Meanwhile, “Cycle” once again gives us the hint of a promising scenario by giving the PCs diplomatic immunity—as well as their foe. And yet, I'm not sure I see the point, as far as the adventure is concerned. Arkaz doesn't really need it—he will soon be too powerful for it to matter. And the PCs could get into a lot more trouble without it—which would be a good thing for the adventure.
And, hoo boy, do we have some good stuff with the next ingredient! “Crystals” gives us not one, but three races powered by artificial intelligence (well, really, two). These are some interesting and well-thought out cultures—but there is a bit of a problem, here. The one race that isn't so much an artificial intelligence (the psypossessors) as a dominating intelligence is the one that features in the adventure. The rest is really just background. “Cycle” does a much better job with this one. The coldly logical Arkaz is a great villain (although I would have liked to have seen more actual reasoning in his arguments. Just saying that something is logical does not necessarily make it so.). Even better, his logic is flawed—which, in itself, is a kind of artificial intelligence.
And it gets better with the Wise Fool. No, not the Divine Jester in “Cycle”—that character didn't really add very much to the adventure at all. Arkaz, again, steals the show, here, proceeding on a course that is entirely logical and yet, so very foolish. It's really almost a theme, at this point, which leads to a nice payoff when the PCs are faced with the decision at the end whether or not they want to play along. It's like a baton—the title gets to be passed around.
Okay, okay, "wise" isn't exactly the right word here, but I'm willing to let it slide, since “Crystals” has an imposter fool who is cunning, crafty, scheming, and clever, but does not exhibit discernment, judgement, or discretion, nor any special knowledge—except about his foes. And anyway, the divine fool in "Cycle" actually is wise.
Finally, the Impossible Dream. “Cycle” chooses not to use a literal dream, but, rather, to make the main foe's motive an impossible one to achieve. Clever, but as much a weakness as a strength, because it doesn't really factor into the adventure at all, until the very end. And by then, the players may not even realize that it is impossible (or even what the motive really was, to begin with).
“Crystals” gives us an actual dream-world, in a globe. Impossible! It gives three impossible trials (which, unfortunately, are all solved in the same manner). And, more subtly, it also presents themes of class-inequity and strife throughout that echo a certain novel-turned-musical...
Let me start out by saying that this was a very difficult match for me to judge. I'll get to the reasons for this later. First, I want to talk a little bit about the rules. With a 48 hour time-limit, I expect to see more polished entries—entries that have been given extra consideration and extra editing. Put simply, a 48 hour time-limit is a lot less challenging than a 24 hour time-limit. To balance this out, there is a word limit, which, in the second round, is 3000 words. And Dragonwriter's entry, “The Unending Cycle” (henceforth, “Cycle”) clocks in at 3009 words (not including the title or ingredient list at the beginning). I didn't even include the byline in the count. This is with Open Office, which counts “--” as an individual word (there were five of these), but counts two words separated with a slash as a single word (there were several instances of these).
Dragonwriter said (in the scheduling thread) that the piece clocked in at 2995, but I can't figure out how how. I tried very hard to figure out where the extra 14 words came from, but I just can't. In the end, I have to go with my count. So, now I get to figure out whether or not those extra 9 words are that critical to the entry. I guess the reasonable thing to do would be to mentally chop off the last 9 words of the entry. Fortunately for Dragonwriter, those last 9 words didn't really add anything at all, they were merely part of the formatting used to help me (the judge) navigate the piece.
And, anyway, Wicht didn't exactly follow the rules, either (nor in his first entry). There was no easy-to-reference list of ingredients at the start of his entries, even though both ingredients-posts specifically asked for one. But it doesn't really matter. I bring it up only because we're talking about rules, here. In the end, I'll call it a wash. This time.
Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about ingredients, shall we?
Wicht's entry, “The Crystals of Monassan,” (henceforth, “Crystals”) gives us a potential end of A world. It's an interesting world, though, and, more importantly, it factors heavily into the actual adventure. “Cycle” has a true End of the World and also did something that I was hoping to see—it used the ingredient as a location. But, as flavorful as this was, it really didn't matter much to the adventure, except as a set-piece and a(n admittedly very interesting) moral dilemma posed at the very end. If the PCs actually had a way to alter the fate before it happened and/or didn't have a way to make it inconsequential after the end of the adventure, I would have happily given the edge to “Cycle,” but as it is, I can't.
And that brings us to Unearth. In both entries, it is used to represent the type of normal investigative process that one could expect in an adventure. In the case of “Crystals,” it is more literal, but they are both a bit standard. In addition, “Cycle” refers to a place as an “Un-earth,” which is exactly the clever kind of interpretation I was hoping the ingredient would invoke. Unfortunately, that “Un-earth” is simply another name for the first ingredient (the location, that is). That's a problem. In order for two ingredients to successfully apply to one thing, they have to be substantially different in some way!.
Diplomatic Immunity factors in both entries in a similar manner, as well, but favors one adventure over the other. “Crystals” presents some interesting role-playing opportunities with its murderous ambassador(s). Meanwhile, “Cycle” once again gives us the hint of a promising scenario by giving the PCs diplomatic immunity—as well as their foe. And yet, I'm not sure I see the point, as far as the adventure is concerned. Arkaz doesn't really need it—he will soon be too powerful for it to matter. And the PCs could get into a lot more trouble without it—which would be a good thing for the adventure.
And, hoo boy, do we have some good stuff with the next ingredient! “Crystals” gives us not one, but three races powered by artificial intelligence (well, really, two). These are some interesting and well-thought out cultures—but there is a bit of a problem, here. The one race that isn't so much an artificial intelligence (the psypossessors) as a dominating intelligence is the one that features in the adventure. The rest is really just background. “Cycle” does a much better job with this one. The coldly logical Arkaz is a great villain (although I would have liked to have seen more actual reasoning in his arguments. Just saying that something is logical does not necessarily make it so.). Even better, his logic is flawed—which, in itself, is a kind of artificial intelligence.
And it gets better with the Wise Fool. No, not the Divine Jester in “Cycle”—that character didn't really add very much to the adventure at all. Arkaz, again, steals the show, here, proceeding on a course that is entirely logical and yet, so very foolish. It's really almost a theme, at this point, which leads to a nice payoff when the PCs are faced with the decision at the end whether or not they want to play along. It's like a baton—the title gets to be passed around.
Okay, okay, "wise" isn't exactly the right word here, but I'm willing to let it slide, since “Crystals” has an imposter fool who is cunning, crafty, scheming, and clever, but does not exhibit discernment, judgement, or discretion, nor any special knowledge—except about his foes. And anyway, the divine fool in "Cycle" actually is wise.
Finally, the Impossible Dream. “Cycle” chooses not to use a literal dream, but, rather, to make the main foe's motive an impossible one to achieve. Clever, but as much a weakness as a strength, because it doesn't really factor into the adventure at all, until the very end. And by then, the players may not even realize that it is impossible (or even what the motive really was, to begin with).
“Crystals” gives us an actual dream-world, in a globe. Impossible! It gives three impossible trials (which, unfortunately, are all solved in the same manner). And, more subtly, it also presents themes of class-inequity and strife throughout that echo a certain novel-turned-musical...
So, “Crystals” does a marginally better job with the ingredients, but for some reason, I had a hard time with it. It's just such a mess! Much like the second ingredient, reading (and re-reading and re-re-reading) the piece is like an excavation. Buried in it somewhere are some real gems.
But, Dude! Most of your entry is background information or information on races and their motives (in other words, more background)! And most of that is only indirectly relevant to the adventure! And there really is a lot going on in this adventure on top of all that! Lots of potential adventure during and lots of hooks to pick up on when it concludes!
What's most heartbreaking, I think, is that, with some more time spent on the entry (which you had!), it would have been so much more refined! It's simply too ambitious in scope for the short amount of time you gave it. It felt like it was well over the word limit, even though it wasn't.
“Cycle,” in contrast, was a tighter piece and very well-polished. It was much more pleasurable to read. The problem is, I don't think it would be as fun as the other to run or play in. Don't get me wrong, it does look fun (even though it gets fairly linear and heavy-handed in places—including the hook). But there is so much more going on in “Crystals” that I think I could do more with it—even though it would take much more work to make it work. Add to that the marginally better ingredients-use...
Dragonwriter, I've really enjoyed your work, thus far. You're very good at writing for the reader (as opposed to writing just for yourself), which is very much appreciated. You're clever and creative, which are great qualities for an Iron DM Contestant. I do think there is room for improvement in two particular areas, however. You should trust the players (and the DM) a little more. You have a definite tendency to rely on heavy-handed techniques for progressing the adventure. Also, you have a tendency to rely on the cleverness of your interpretation to carry your ingredient, which, much as it is appreciated, is not enough. The ingredients ought to have a tight relationship with each other, but the also (importantly) need to be relevant to the PCs—and in a significant way to the players.
Wicht, for those of you who don't know, is pretty much the definitive “Veteran Iron DM.” One way or another, he has participated in pretty much all of the EN World Iron DM Tournaments (most often as a contestant). For this reason, alone, I'm sure he knew immediately that this wasn't his best piece.
But, for all of its flaws, it was fundamentally interesting and well-conceived. And, of course, used the ingredients to somewhat better effect. As much as it surprises me (and it does--if I had only read the two entries casually, the verdict would be quite different!) Wicht advances to the Championship Match.
But, Dude! Most of your entry is background information or information on races and their motives (in other words, more background)! And most of that is only indirectly relevant to the adventure! And there really is a lot going on in this adventure on top of all that! Lots of potential adventure during and lots of hooks to pick up on when it concludes!
What's most heartbreaking, I think, is that, with some more time spent on the entry (which you had!), it would have been so much more refined! It's simply too ambitious in scope for the short amount of time you gave it. It felt like it was well over the word limit, even though it wasn't.
“Cycle,” in contrast, was a tighter piece and very well-polished. It was much more pleasurable to read. The problem is, I don't think it would be as fun as the other to run or play in. Don't get me wrong, it does look fun (even though it gets fairly linear and heavy-handed in places—including the hook). But there is so much more going on in “Crystals” that I think I could do more with it—even though it would take much more work to make it work. Add to that the marginally better ingredients-use...
Dragonwriter, I've really enjoyed your work, thus far. You're very good at writing for the reader (as opposed to writing just for yourself), which is very much appreciated. You're clever and creative, which are great qualities for an Iron DM Contestant. I do think there is room for improvement in two particular areas, however. You should trust the players (and the DM) a little more. You have a definite tendency to rely on heavy-handed techniques for progressing the adventure. Also, you have a tendency to rely on the cleverness of your interpretation to carry your ingredient, which, much as it is appreciated, is not enough. The ingredients ought to have a tight relationship with each other, but the also (importantly) need to be relevant to the PCs—and in a significant way to the players.
Wicht, for those of you who don't know, is pretty much the definitive “Veteran Iron DM.” One way or another, he has participated in pretty much all of the EN World Iron DM Tournaments (most often as a contestant). For this reason, alone, I'm sure he knew immediately that this wasn't his best piece.
But, for all of its flaws, it was fundamentally interesting and well-conceived. And, of course, used the ingredients to somewhat better effect. As much as it surprises me (and it does--if I had only read the two entries casually, the verdict would be quite different!) Wicht advances to the Championship Match.
Deuce Traveler
Adventurer
Congratulations to the winner, and a very nice review of both entries!
Deuce Traveler
Adventurer
I was looking back at my entry for round 1 and realized I still didn't name it. Can we call it "Obbins' Wondrously Friendly Home"?
Radiating Gnome
Adventurer
I'll second DT -- well done everyone.
-rg
-rg
Dragonwriter
First Post
Congratulations Wicht! 
It was great fun getting involved this year, and it was a marvelous learning experience.
I actually hadn't even thought of that interpretation for Wise Fool applied to Arkaz. Which is really so much cooler than the Divine Jester I cooked up.
And thank you for the advice, Rune. It is very much appreciated, especially as I have rather little experience writing up adventures. As a DM, I tend to get a (very) rough idea of things and mostly improv from there. (Plus, my players have tended towards the slow and indecisive end.) So this was a huge shift for me and I will do everything I can to apply the words of wisdom in the future. Especially since I'm looking forward to next year's competition.
It was great fun getting involved this year, and it was a marvelous learning experience.
I actually hadn't even thought of that interpretation for Wise Fool applied to Arkaz. Which is really so much cooler than the Divine Jester I cooked up.
And thank you for the advice, Rune. It is very much appreciated, especially as I have rather little experience writing up adventures. As a DM, I tend to get a (very) rough idea of things and mostly improv from there. (Plus, my players have tended towards the slow and indecisive end.
) So this was a huge shift for me and I will do everything I can to apply the words of wisdom in the future. Especially since I'm looking forward to next year's competition.
Rune
Once A Fool
Congratulations Wicht!
It was great fun getting involved this year, and it was a marvelous learning experience.
Glad to hear it!
The Divine Jester was actually a more precise fit, but the theme kept popping up. It couldn't be ignored, even if you weren't actually intending to use it as such.
And thank you for the advice, Rune. It is very much appreciated, especially as I have rather little experience writing up adventures. As a DM, I tend to get a (very) rough idea of things and mostly improv from there. (Plus, my players have tended towards the slow and indecisive end.
As do mine. Some prompting may be necessary, but I try very hard not to start with an idea of where things will go in the first place. For me, that means open-ended, nearly sandbox structures for adventures. But, even when I'm using something more defined, I definitely don't want the players to ever feel like they have no choice in a matter. I don't necessarily mind if they don't like their choices, but that's another topic, altogether...
So this was a huge shift for me and I will do everything I can to apply the words of wisdom in the future. Especially since I'm looking forward to next year's competition.
Wonderful! The tournament is enriched by strong contestants like you.
Wicht
Hero
Thank you judge (and ouch). I will endeavor to take your words to heart for the next and final round.
Its sorta funny. I know that too much backstory is not good, but I felt justified in it with this one, mainly because I did not think of the race motivation as backstory but as necessary for what I perceived to be a role-playing heavy situation. Nevertheless, admonition received and accepted.
Well played Dragonwriter, your adventure was very epic, and had it not been so linear, I suspect you would have easily won (though I really like the chryslin idea as well and thank you for your kind words about that particular idea). I look forward to seeing what you can produce in upcoming contests.
Its sorta funny. I know that too much backstory is not good, but I felt justified in it with this one, mainly because I did not think of the race motivation as backstory but as necessary for what I perceived to be a role-playing heavy situation. Nevertheless, admonition received and accepted.
Well played Dragonwriter, your adventure was very epic, and had it not been so linear, I suspect you would have easily won (though I really like the chryslin idea as well and thank you for your kind words about that particular idea). I look forward to seeing what you can produce in upcoming contests.
Rune
Once A Fool
Its sorta funny. I know that too much backstory is not good, but I felt justified in it with this one, mainly because I did not think of the race motivation as backstory but as necessary for what I perceived to be a role-playing heavy situation. Nevertheless, admonition received and accepted.
I would think that having to justify it to yourself should have been a warning sign.
Anyway, I agree that motivation is very important to include for NPCs, but there are more interactive ways to do it.
Rune
Once A Fool
Round 2, Match 2 Judgement: Deuce Traveler vs. Radiating Gnome
Jeez, Radiating Gnome! I can't help but think there's gotta be some way to cut down the length of that block of exposition...
But nevermind that, right now. Let's look at the ingredients:
In Deuce Traveler's “Time, Truth and Trust,” (henceforth, “Time”) has a very effective use of the Weeping Willow ingredient, using several of them as the focus of one of the (quite exciting) encounters of the piece. It's good (although the weeping that they do is really just crying out in pain—that could have been a little better). But, Radiating Gnome's untitled piece (let's just call it “Age of Sorrows” or just “Age” from now on) has such a memorable character for this ingredient—and when she weeps, it is meaningful.
In “Time,” the Trust is used as an inheritance—a divine spark that makes for a very interesting MacGuffin—but it is fundamentally still a MacGuffin. In “Age,” trust is something that the PCs must earn from Stead...and then they must earn it again to undo the first time. Nifty!
The Sinking Ship in “Time” makes for a very interesting encounter location and provides nice contrast with the desert (while still keeping the thematic storm). “Age” uses the familiar Titanic over and over again as the primary focus of the action. This was a good decision for brevity—no need to waste space on description, here. What I'm not quite sure about is...why is the Titanic (or, really, why is Stead) so important to the time-line? What could Stead have possibly done (had he survived) that would prevent humanity from existing? I'm sure, if I were a player, that would be the first question I'd ask. And there's no answer. I could pretty easily come up with something, but I'd rather not have too in the first place.
The Beginning of Time we see in “Age” is a wonderfully flavorful time/place that has strong impact on the whole of the adventure. In fact, it almost serves as a sort of home-base for the adventure. On the other hand, “Time” uses the ingredient as a kind of divine meeting-place. This usage doesn't quite work so well, because, frankly, it doesn't matter at all. They (the PCs and Syra) don't even get to witness Inan's pact being struck with Tiam, so why call it the Beginning of Time, anyway? It might be before time, but it's not the beginning.
And, as for Nobody Special, “Time” gives us a commoner who becomes divine—a girl who is the inheritor of an important trust. She's a friend of the PCs (a hook I found to be fairly cumbersome, incidentally) and, hell, she's got a name. None of this points to her being “nobody special.” I wasn't really impressed with the use in “Age,” either (simply as someone who gets saved--and then doesn't), but at least it worked. “Nobody special,” in that context, is pretty much anyone who isn't Stead or the PCs.
Finally, there is the Unlikely Appointment. The unlikely appointment of Syra to divinity in “Time” works well enough, but calling the PCs' protection of her such is stretching it. Saying that the interruption of a meeting is an unlikely appointment really doesn't work. In the end, throwing the ingredient around a few times and seeing what sticks only dilutes the impact of the only actually decent use of it. An ingredient can be successfully used in a recurring manner, if it is being used to illustrate a thematic foundation of the entry. That is certainly not what we've got here. In contrast, “Age,” uses the ingredient only once, as a very intriguing hook—one that would be very difficult to pass by. It is potent and immediately relevant to the adventure and the PCs.
And then there's the rest:
“Time” is a well-constructed and exciting adventure—simple enough to run easily, but open-ended enough (throughout) to feel large in scope. “Age” is, underneath its complexity, actually pretty linear—but linear isn't necessarily a bad thing. The clever structure pretty much requires a certain bit of it and “Age” does it in a manner that may not even be noticed by the players. There is one part (previously unmentioned) that could have used some clarification: the shadowy figures that the PCs fight in the first place are presumably the future PCs (that's clever), but the adventure doesn't even allude to that until much later. A little bit of clarity would help the DM a great deal, here.
Jeez, Radiating Gnome! I can't help but think there's gotta be some way to cut down the length of that block of exposition...
But nevermind that, right now. Let's look at the ingredients:
In Deuce Traveler's “Time, Truth and Trust,” (henceforth, “Time”) has a very effective use of the Weeping Willow ingredient, using several of them as the focus of one of the (quite exciting) encounters of the piece. It's good (although the weeping that they do is really just crying out in pain—that could have been a little better). But, Radiating Gnome's untitled piece (let's just call it “Age of Sorrows” or just “Age” from now on) has such a memorable character for this ingredient—and when she weeps, it is meaningful.
In “Time,” the Trust is used as an inheritance—a divine spark that makes for a very interesting MacGuffin—but it is fundamentally still a MacGuffin. In “Age,” trust is something that the PCs must earn from Stead...and then they must earn it again to undo the first time. Nifty!
The Sinking Ship in “Time” makes for a very interesting encounter location and provides nice contrast with the desert (while still keeping the thematic storm). “Age” uses the familiar Titanic over and over again as the primary focus of the action. This was a good decision for brevity—no need to waste space on description, here. What I'm not quite sure about is...why is the Titanic (or, really, why is Stead) so important to the time-line? What could Stead have possibly done (had he survived) that would prevent humanity from existing? I'm sure, if I were a player, that would be the first question I'd ask. And there's no answer. I could pretty easily come up with something, but I'd rather not have too in the first place.
The Beginning of Time we see in “Age” is a wonderfully flavorful time/place that has strong impact on the whole of the adventure. In fact, it almost serves as a sort of home-base for the adventure. On the other hand, “Time” uses the ingredient as a kind of divine meeting-place. This usage doesn't quite work so well, because, frankly, it doesn't matter at all. They (the PCs and Syra) don't even get to witness Inan's pact being struck with Tiam, so why call it the Beginning of Time, anyway? It might be before time, but it's not the beginning.
And, as for Nobody Special, “Time” gives us a commoner who becomes divine—a girl who is the inheritor of an important trust. She's a friend of the PCs (a hook I found to be fairly cumbersome, incidentally) and, hell, she's got a name. None of this points to her being “nobody special.” I wasn't really impressed with the use in “Age,” either (simply as someone who gets saved--and then doesn't), but at least it worked. “Nobody special,” in that context, is pretty much anyone who isn't Stead or the PCs.
Finally, there is the Unlikely Appointment. The unlikely appointment of Syra to divinity in “Time” works well enough, but calling the PCs' protection of her such is stretching it. Saying that the interruption of a meeting is an unlikely appointment really doesn't work. In the end, throwing the ingredient around a few times and seeing what sticks only dilutes the impact of the only actually decent use of it. An ingredient can be successfully used in a recurring manner, if it is being used to illustrate a thematic foundation of the entry. That is certainly not what we've got here. In contrast, “Age,” uses the ingredient only once, as a very intriguing hook—one that would be very difficult to pass by. It is potent and immediately relevant to the adventure and the PCs.
And then there's the rest:
“Time” is a well-constructed and exciting adventure—simple enough to run easily, but open-ended enough (throughout) to feel large in scope. “Age” is, underneath its complexity, actually pretty linear—but linear isn't necessarily a bad thing. The clever structure pretty much requires a certain bit of it and “Age” does it in a manner that may not even be noticed by the players. There is one part (previously unmentioned) that could have used some clarification: the shadowy figures that the PCs fight in the first place are presumably the future PCs (that's clever), but the adventure doesn't even allude to that until much later. A little bit of clarity would help the DM a great deal, here.
Deuce Traveler, your adventure is really good. Maybe not quite as good as your round 1 entry, but still, one that I definitely want to run. This is the part where I give advice for future tournaments, but, there's really no reason to give Deuce any. He's the defending champion for a reason; he's good at this.
But the nature of this tournament is that, sometimes, your good stuff goes up against someone's great stuff. And that's what Radiating Gnome delivered. While it may not be perfect, this piece has so much brilliance in it, it's really hard to quibble. It's ingredients are superior and the adventure, itself, is one that the players would probably never forget. Radiating Gnome knocks out the defending IRON DM and advances to the championship round.
But the nature of this tournament is that, sometimes, your good stuff goes up against someone's great stuff. And that's what Radiating Gnome delivered. While it may not be perfect, this piece has so much brilliance in it, it's really hard to quibble. It's ingredients are superior and the adventure, itself, is one that the players would probably never forget. Radiating Gnome knocks out the defending IRON DM and advances to the championship round.
