D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[epithet]

Can't really say what anyone should do, other than try to remain calm and civil, and give everyone some space. I try (sometimes without success) to always talk about people as if I'm being recorded.

Really, there's only one thing I can say for certain about the scenario in the OP: these issues have little or nothing to do with the game, or dice rolls, or character plans. These are just your basic issues between two people, or between one person and himself. If it is the latter, there is nothing you can do about it other than to let it go, and move on.

 

[Hussar]

Definitely time to walk from a toxic situation. That's just never going to end well. Blame storming isn't going to help, nor is any amount of trying to "patch things up". Just walk away.

 

[Manbearcat]

Ah! Never saw that movie.

4 stars! Would (have...many times) see again! Highly recommend!

Robin WIlliams (RIP) at his best. Casey Affleck's coming out party (great actor). Great music. Great pacing. Great writing. Great dialogue. Never deviates from theme nor wastes a scene. Hysterical. Sincere. All kinds of good stuff.

Speaking of Casey Affleck, if you haven't seen The Assassination of Jessie James By the Coward Robert Ford, I highly recommend it.

 

[Shasarak]

They refused a ride home. They'd literally prefer to be stranded than suffer a car ride with him. IDK.

So does that prove that the OP is too horrible to ride with, or that stupid people like to be stranded?

 

[Taronkov]

Can't it be both?

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

Can't it be both?

Since I've been out of the thread for a while, I'm going to go ahead and agree that it COULD be both. I certainly could be a horrible person. But she was angry at me for insulting her bf and given his temper, my guess was that she was afraid that accepting a ride from me would only make him think she was siding with me. I suspect that is precisely what caused the issue in the first place. He was a little irritated but when she said "He made a perception check and rolled high, you can't get mad at him for the result of a die", I saw the expression on his face. He felt like his gf should have agreed with him. Which, IMO, is why he left without her.

Either way, there were busses running and it wasn't that big of a deal to take them instead.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

It does, but it still doesn't explain MO's assertion that the reported behavior occurs in everyone's games- to a greater or lesser degree- including that gamer's own GF's. I mean, if you're acting like a jackass when your GF is your GM...

It's my opinion that the guy in question has the temper of a four year old. He gets very angry whenever things don't go his way. But he is under the belief that while it sucks that things don't go his way and he'll spent time complaining about it no matter who is DMing, that when I DM, the cause of all his problems is me. That I'm going out of my way to make sure he fails and that I purposefully rule against him just because I don't like him.

While it is the true that I don't like him, I don't rule against him because of that.

When I ran another adventure(Legacy of the Crystal Shard), there was a group of dwarves who are under the influence of an evil substance that makes you paranoid. He tried to convince them to make peace with the rest of the dwarves and rolled high on his persuasion roll. The adventure says that the dwarves won't be convinced by any appeal to their better nature, they are to paranoid for that. But attempts to blame their problems on anyone but the other dwarves work very well since they are inclined to believe everyone is out to get them.

He was convinced that the reason his roll failed was that I didn't want him to succeed. After he got angry I told him to make an insight check and then took him that it looked like the dwarves were acting very paranoid and that using that might be the best way to get what he wanted. He stared at me blankly and said "I don't even know what that means. They are paranoid, so what?". His gf then said "He means you should tell the guy that it's someone else's fault and he'll believe you" and he said "Oh, why didn't he say that?"

This is the best way I can illustrate what I'm dealing with.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

You are at fault. If the Adventurer's League has anything to say in the matter, they should not let you DM this guy. You called him stupid and insulted him because "dumb people are your pet peeve." I'm surprised the AL doesn't vet people like yourself. A DM that prejudges people based on his idea of what constitutes an intelligent comment shouldn't be given power over groups of people playing in organized play.

I judge people on their actions. I'm allowed to have opinions. I'm not a robot. I don't like him. So what? I don't let my personal opinions color my judgement. Which is why I kept DMing for him despite my opinion of him. I would have preferred not to play with him but he didn't break any rules and the RPGA is all about giving everyone a chance to play. So, I let everyone play regardless of how I personally feel about them. I based my DMing decisions entirely on the merit of the ideas and not the person suggesting them. And yes, I blew off a little steam by complaining to my friends over my frustrations. My friends would agree with those frustrations, so they weren't only mine. But my roommate who was still DMing at the time would say "i understand, but what are you going to do, kick him out simply because he is annoying? We have 3 or 4 people who show up every week who are annoying. He's not the only one. Since you can't kick him out, learn to let it go."

I admit, I have a harder time letting it go than he does.

Still, I think the fact that I've put up with him for this many years because I believe everyone has the right to play DnD is precisely why I should be the one in charge around here.

This situation sounds irreparable. You should avoid each other if neither of you wants to leave. The player has every reason to believe you are screwing him over given what you've said about him. He can only trust your magnanimity as to why you won't. I would not trust you in the same situation. You have no reason to change your opinion of the man. You seem to want to antagonize him or at least dominate this social situation. It is an unhealthy, mutually antagonistic relationship that most likely will not be resolvable save by mutual avoidance.

To be fair, when that event happened all those years ago, I expected him never to come back. I expected to be yelled at, called every sort of bad name in the book and to have him decide never to play DnD again. But he showed up next week like nothing had happened. It was never brought up again. I began to wonder if his gf had actually told him or just told me that.

But I have no desire to dominate this social situation. I just want him to show up and enjoy playing Dnd. He seems to enjoy it. Honestly, if it's my DMing style, my personality, or even my face that's causing him to get angry, I'm happy to step down and let someone else DM if that solves the situation. No I one else wanted to spent the time preparing an adventure a week to run. It looks like this situation has caused his gf to volunteer to run more games to make him feel better. If that solves this problem, I'm all for it.

 

[aramis erak]

So, here's the real issue. I continue to run Adventurer's League adventures every week at the store. I also play in a weekly D&D campaign with the player and his girlfriend every Sunday that's been going on for 2 years now. I'm really not sure I want to speak to either of them but I'm slowly getting over that. My main beef is that I know for a fact from previous experience that the player still thinks he was absolutely in the right to throw that temper tantrum at the table. He will feel he is justified in his actions because I was making the game no fun for him by ruining his perfect plan that should have worked. My roommate is also in our other D&D campaign and has spoken to them to make sure it is still happening. They responded that everything should go back to normal, but I'm NEVER allowed to mention this incident again to them. I know why. Because it is only going to start another argument because the player in question still believes he is right.

At the home game? Point out that tantrums at game are never acceptable, and that the next one is the last one.

At the AL game? If he makes a scene, ask the event coordinator to deal with him. I don't know about yours, but I've seen EC's at two different stores (in two different states) bounce players for making a scene. Disruptive behavior is, per the ALPG, not to be tolerated.

Page 15 of the DDALPG_EE has the following (a few points omitted):

• Participants must not conduct themselves in a manner
  that is disruptive to the enjoyment or safety of others
  at the event.
• Participants noticing disruptive behavior should make
  those responsible for the behavior aware of their
  actions. If a participant feels uncomfortable bringing
  it to the attention of the disruptive individual, the
  participant should notify the organizer of the event
  immediately.
• The Dungeon Master has the right to ask a disruptive
  player to leave the table and speak with the organizer.
  The organizer has the right to remove a disruptive or
  threatening player or Dungeon Master from the play
  area or premises.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

Definitely time to walk from a toxic situation. That's just never going to end well. Blame storming isn't going to help, nor is any amount of trying to "patch things up". Just walk away.

As a side note. Here is where we stand, his gf has contacted me through other people to let me know that our Sunday game is going on as usual, that they plan on continuing to come on Tuesdays to the AL game and that I should avoid mentioning this incident to prevent more drama.

We are supposed to be running the second half of an 8 hour long AL adventure for all the possible DMs tomorrow night. This includes him and his gf. I've been told to show up at 6 like nothing's happened.

I'm kind of dreading showing up. I'm not sure I can handle gaming with him. But then again, I've been sucking it up and playing with him for years. I think when it comes down to it, that's likely what I'll continue to do.