D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[Nellisir]

Sorry this is really bothering me, you imply that you are speaking to his girlfriend and he is gone... yet you switch to the word "they" when only the girl friend and the guy you didn't know was left.

There was someone else, a new person that had come with the GF and Tantrum Man.

 

[Nellisir]

But then again, I've been sucking it up and playing with him for years. I think when it comes down to it, that's likely what I'll continue to do.

First off, points for staying calm in this thread. Second, don't look at it as "sucking it up". You're being mature.

Have you ever tried talking to this guy before a game? The pacify and ignore strategy doesn't really seem to work, so screw it, grab the bull by the horns and have a little sit-down talk with him. Don't lecture. Ask questions. Ask him if he thinks you have it out for him? What does he see as a problem with your style? Don't make promises, but think about what he says. Try to get some kind of rapport going, and not when he's blowing steam out his ears.

 

[jgsugden]

Folks, I really suggest that you don't try digging too deep. A few forum posts are insufficient for you to understand the depths of someone's relationships. I've seen people accuse others of being in love, of being gay, of being racist, of being homophobic, of being a variety of things... based upon very few words typed onto a computer. That isn't enough information. You may think it is, but you're wrong. Even if you're right in some instances when you do it, you could easily be very wrong the next time when you gamble that the limited information you have is giving you a clear enough picture.

Heck, whether you're right or wrong, I don't think you should speculate on these things as you can do a lot of damage (whether right or wrong). The OP came to us and offered up some information - I suggest keeping the suggestions limited to addressing what he overtly offered.

 

[The Human Target]

As a side note. Here is where we stand, his gf has contacted me through other people to let me know that our Sunday game is going on as usual, that they plan on continuing to come on Tuesdays to the AL game and that I should avoid mentioning this incident to prevent more drama.

We are supposed to be running the second half of an 8 hour long AL adventure for all the possible DMs tomorrow night. This includes him and his gf. I've been told to show up at 6 like nothing's happened.

I'm kind of dreading showing up. I'm not sure I can handle gaming with him. But then again, I've been sucking it up and playing with him for years. I think when it comes down to it, that's likely what I'll continue to do.

You should find some sand and be an adult about it.

Or you'll be back here complaining yet again.

You have no one to blame but yourself at this point.

You aren't a victim, you're a volunteer.

 

[steeldragons]

Gaming is supposed to be a fun social activity. Subjecting yourself to annoying players week after week is always your choice. You CAN say no to people if you know that they will spoil the fun of the game for others. Not only CAN you say no, it is your DUTY to tell them no as DM to preserve a good game for your decent players. The fate of a DM who puts up with annoying idiots is being doomed to eventually have nothing but a table full of them to play with.

Why are their rights less important than those of someone who spoils a good time for the group.

A D&D play group is first and foremost a social group. When it comes to individual rights, the rights of those who DON'T disrupt the group should come first.

Most important points here, imho, bolded by me.

THIS. All this. Forward THIS to this girlfriend [who is kind enough to TELL YOU how to behave when she and her BF showup through a third party]. Forward this directly to her.

Include the attachment with the points of organized play and the rights of organizers to tell others not to return and/or eject people from play.

Then tell her she and her boyfriend can make whichever bed they care to lie in.

This nonsense has gone on long enough...and certainly taken up more thread-reading/post-writing time than it deserves.

I will agree with whomever posted about (noting you've had repeated threads about this same problem person) this is a recurring very obvious problem. You know the very obvious answer. Take the stand that needs taking. Discipline these folks instead of enabling and rationalizing the bad behavior...and that is regardless of whether or not you choose to maintain [what you apparently define as] a "friendship." I myself would have walked away from these people years ago.

Hopefully, the only next thread we ever see about this group of numbnuts, is how much better everything has been going since you acted in your own and your groups' best interests (not these individuals') ... or how much happier you are with your new gaming group.

I wish you all the best with the situation. I really do. But it seems a momentary hardship in your gaming is well worth a long term enjoyment for yourself and all of the other non-drama-makers at these events.

 

[steeldragons]

Sorry this is really bothering me, you imply that you are speaking to his girlfriend and he is gone... yet you switch to the word "they" when only the girl friend and the guy you didn't know was left.

My initial understanding of the reading was that hte boyfriend had driven there wit ha girlfriend and another mutual gamer. So when he left, there was the gf, the "new guy" who knows nothing/has nothing to do with this than having HIS D&D game blow up in his face, and this other/mutual acquaintance that arrived with the tantrum-thrower and his gf.

So, when "they" picked up their stuff and left, the "they" was the gf and the other guy that had driven in with them. Leaving only MO and the "new guy" at the table.

I could be wrong.

 

[Sacrosanct]

As a side note. Here is where we stand, his gf has contacted me through other people to let me know that our Sunday game is going on as usual, that they plan on continuing to come on Tuesdays to the AL game and that I should avoid mentioning this incident to prevent more drama. .

If she has to go through someone else to tell you that, then there is no possible way you can have a game without drama. At the very least a ton of awkward tension in the air, and that's not fair to the other players there who have nothing to do with your guys' issues.

"I don't feel comfortable talking to you, but let's game later on." Bwuh?


*Edit* As a guy who has DM'd AL games in the past, if I were a player and I had to experience seeing you guys and all your drama? One time I'd be forgiving. If I saw it again, I'd report to someone to have you removed as a coordinator, because your personal issues are making it a bad gaming experience. The last thing D&D needs to be giving new players as their impression of the game is your drama.

 

[Celtavian]

You should find some sand and be an adult about it.

Or you'll be back here complaining yet again.

You have no one to blame but yourself at this point.

You aren't a victim, you're a volunteer.

He's experiencing the herd or pack mentality of human beings. Don't upset anyone. Just shut up about it. None of us want to hear this crap. Squash it or leave. Usually what happens in these situations.

 

[Umbran]

As a side note. Here is where we stand, his gf has contacted me through other people to let me know that our Sunday game is going on as usual, that they plan on continuing to come on Tuesdays to the AL game and that I should avoid mentioning this incident to prevent more drama.

Are they unable to, or unaware of how to contact you themselves? Otherwise, these two should be contacting you directly - working through proxies is not a sign of mature handle on the situation.

Not that I'd expect a mature handle on the situation after the display you described.

I'm kind of dreading showing up.

Then don't. Or do, but if you are running the game, make a point that you expect people at the table to behave like mature adults. You don't have to name anyone, or even directly refer to events if you don't want to. But sitting down at the table includes a certain level of responsibility - we owe each other some basic respect and mature behavior at the table, and if anyone is not willing to agree with that, they should leave before the session begins. Anyone not willing to agree to such does not deserve a seat at the table.

Really, dude, this is supposed to be an *entertainment*. Behavior like that is not entertaining, and should not be tolerated. Do not allow yourself to be held hostage by the threat of future drama. You may not be able to change this person and their behavior, but you still have free will, and don't have to put up with it.

 

[Umbran]

*Edit* As a guy who has DM'd AL games in the past, if I were a player and I had to experience seeing you guys and all your drama? One time I'd be forgiving. If I saw it again, I'd report to someone to have you removed as a coordinator, because your personal issues are making it a bad gaming experience. The last thing D&D needs to be giving new players as their impression of the game is your drama.

Interesting. I would normally think that the person who has so little emotional control that they storm out is probably the one more at fault for the disruption, and who should be blocked from participating.