D&D 5E REALLY REALLY BAD DM ADVICE

[Don Durito]

It's important to get the rules absolutely correct. If anyone is unsure of anything make sure you open the books and look up the rule right there and then before continuing. If you can't find a rule, than ask a question on an internet forum and wait for someone to answer. While you are waiting you can halt the game, or you may choose to continue - however if you do choose the latter, be prepared to halt the game and go back and play again, if it turns out you have been using a rule illegally.

If a player wants to undertake some kind of action but it turns out that, after careful and thorough review of the rule books, there are no rules in place to cover it, under no circumstance should you allow that action to take place.

 

[toucanbuzz]

Run the campaign like your favorite video game.

• Make your favorite NPCs are invincible
• Certain doors can only be opened by retrieving keys that are nonsensically placed in nonsensical dungeons.
• Monsters only attack "tanks" and be sure to punish parties that dont optimize for the "hard" setting. Triple their damage against non tanks.
• Remember: players die a lot in video games and millions of people like those games, so your players will like lots of dying as well. Consider a "graveyard run" where they have to sit out 20 minutes each death to simulate the run.

 

[generic]

Make D&D almost exactly like the excellent game Dead Cells:

- Every time you die, you start the same story from the beginning.

- All enemies are extremely overpowered, and will kill you in just a few blows.

- The characters have ludicrously powerful magic items, even at low levels, but go up against monsters with a CR more than triple the recommended threshold.

 

[Wiseblood]

1) Capture the PC’s fudge rules if you have to.

2) Strictly enforce detailed home brew encumbrance rules.

 

[FireLance]

3. Reward Inspiration for bringing snacks.

Wait - I've been doing it wrong?

 

[Charlaquin]

2. Don't use any of the monsters made by WotC, even when you don't know how to homebrew monsters yet. Balance is an illusion.

Follow-up: NEVER, EVER homebrew your own monsters. It is far too complicated for a hobbyist to do without completely ruining the balance of their game and should be left to the PROFESSIONAL game designers.

 

[Random Axe]

The game is ABSOLUTELY about your script-written scenes. You must assume the players are there to support your fledgling screenwriting career by allowing you to monolog every confrontation. Your plot advancements are paramount.

 

[The Mirrorball Man]

• Players love it when NPCs have long conversations with each other.
• Make sure that at least two of the major NPCs in your campaign have very similar-sounding names. Remembering who's who is fun!
• Make sure that every NPC speaks with an accent.

 

[Theo R Cwithin]

A full roster of NPCs with names like "X'tunq-ploffits'qo3p" is not in the least bit frustrating for players.

Corollary:
A full roster of NPCs named "John" is not in the least bit frustrating for players.

 

[aco175]

Use flanking rules!

-Oh wait, I do use them.