Greybird
Explorer
Man, pen-and-paper has been unkind to me lately. As of this month I've been GMing for 30 years(!). I've run games in probably 15 or 20 different systems. For the last couple of years I've been dealing with a lot of GM burnout. It isn't the usual GM burnout, though. This is GM-Meta-Burnout! I've done the usual stuff that's worked for decades. I've taken GMing breaks. I've tried new campaigns. I've tried new systems, jumping from D&D to Torg: Eternity to Pathfinder 2 just in the past year. I've switched up genres. Then I get the fire in my belly and love the brainstorming, but as soon as I commit with my players and sit down to start working on a game, though, BAM! Any enthusiasm dies, and it dies hard. I want to GM. I love GMing. I love the moment to moment expression of the craft. But at the same time I've found myself miserable.
I've spent many hours over the past few weeks analyzing myself, my last few years worth of games, and this is what I've figured out:
1. The thing I've noticed I have the biggest negative reaction to is the technical side of the games. I don't enjoy elaborate systems anymore. I no longer enjoy the math. And forcing myself to do all of this makes me absolutely miserable.
This wouldn't be a problem, except for one thing: I'm a very technically minded person. I don't know any other way to function. Everything I do is in a series of organized systems, from my budget to grocery shopping to taking a shower. Throw a handful of junk on the floor and I sort and organize it in my mind as soon as I see it, involuntarily. And as I've gotten older, this tendency toward technical thought has grown more and more pronounced. This has caused my attempt to play non-technical systems (mostly Powered by the Apocalypse games - Dungeon World, Masks) to end in disaster. I don't know how to think that way.
2. For the last decade I've mostly run pre-written content. I realize now that this has contributed to the problem, as it has turned RPGs from being a creative outlet and an exercise in imagination into an exercise in memorization. I've now come to understand that this has sucked a lot of the joy out.
Most of the time, the solution would be obvious: Go back to writing my own content. That's a problem, though. As I mentioned above, I'm no longer enjoying the technical elements of the games. I don't want to deal with the rules and math involved in writing and balancing session. I absolutely want the imaginative, creative elements, but the framework for implementing those things is killing me.
And the solution to that should be obvious, too: Play a system without the heavy technical elements. But see the part after #1. I've never had much luck without a technical framework to rely on. I tend to get very lost, very quickly. My instinct when struck by a situation is to figure out which rule applies. If there is none, I draw a blank, which makes me nervous, which makes me draw even more blanks. As I said before, my attempts to run systems like Powered by the Apocalypse have been disasters. I really do understand how their systems work, but in practice it is like writer's block with everyone waiting for me. Constantly.
And this is all terribly unfair to my players who try to get invested in my games only to have me burn out and either run mediocre sessions or switch systems yet again. This goes doubly when they invest in a system, buying rulebooks, studying rules, and so forth. I feel terribly guilty any time the burnout hits because I'm letting down long-time friends. Taking an extended break around here would probably mean the end of the group. Only one other person really GMs, and my impression is that he doesn't want the job long-term. And in a town of ~4,000 people located between two cows and a cornfield finding decent players makes finding a group in a city look like a cakewalk. Taking an extended break would probably mean giving up the hobby completely at this point, which I have no desire to do.
Short version: I'm a long-time GM who is losing the fun because he can no longer take joy in the technical aspects of the game while at the same time being locked by his nature into a technical mindset that makes non-technical games very difficult to run. And yet I still love and need the creative elements that you can't really find anywhere else, and don't want to give up the hobby.
Unfortunately, I've thought myself into a circle on this one. My nature is such that I have trouble running loose games, but loose games are the only thing that suit my needs, except that my nature is such that I... you get the idea.
I'm too close to the problem, and I'm getting stuck in a vicious cycle. I'd appreciate any insights.
Just a point for those that glossed over it: I have already taken GMing breaks, and yes, I was running PbtA correctly.
I've spent many hours over the past few weeks analyzing myself, my last few years worth of games, and this is what I've figured out:
1. The thing I've noticed I have the biggest negative reaction to is the technical side of the games. I don't enjoy elaborate systems anymore. I no longer enjoy the math. And forcing myself to do all of this makes me absolutely miserable.
This wouldn't be a problem, except for one thing: I'm a very technically minded person. I don't know any other way to function. Everything I do is in a series of organized systems, from my budget to grocery shopping to taking a shower. Throw a handful of junk on the floor and I sort and organize it in my mind as soon as I see it, involuntarily. And as I've gotten older, this tendency toward technical thought has grown more and more pronounced. This has caused my attempt to play non-technical systems (mostly Powered by the Apocalypse games - Dungeon World, Masks) to end in disaster. I don't know how to think that way.
2. For the last decade I've mostly run pre-written content. I realize now that this has contributed to the problem, as it has turned RPGs from being a creative outlet and an exercise in imagination into an exercise in memorization. I've now come to understand that this has sucked a lot of the joy out.
Most of the time, the solution would be obvious: Go back to writing my own content. That's a problem, though. As I mentioned above, I'm no longer enjoying the technical elements of the games. I don't want to deal with the rules and math involved in writing and balancing session. I absolutely want the imaginative, creative elements, but the framework for implementing those things is killing me.
And the solution to that should be obvious, too: Play a system without the heavy technical elements. But see the part after #1. I've never had much luck without a technical framework to rely on. I tend to get very lost, very quickly. My instinct when struck by a situation is to figure out which rule applies. If there is none, I draw a blank, which makes me nervous, which makes me draw even more blanks. As I said before, my attempts to run systems like Powered by the Apocalypse have been disasters. I really do understand how their systems work, but in practice it is like writer's block with everyone waiting for me. Constantly.
And this is all terribly unfair to my players who try to get invested in my games only to have me burn out and either run mediocre sessions or switch systems yet again. This goes doubly when they invest in a system, buying rulebooks, studying rules, and so forth. I feel terribly guilty any time the burnout hits because I'm letting down long-time friends. Taking an extended break around here would probably mean the end of the group. Only one other person really GMs, and my impression is that he doesn't want the job long-term. And in a town of ~4,000 people located between two cows and a cornfield finding decent players makes finding a group in a city look like a cakewalk. Taking an extended break would probably mean giving up the hobby completely at this point, which I have no desire to do.
Short version: I'm a long-time GM who is losing the fun because he can no longer take joy in the technical aspects of the game while at the same time being locked by his nature into a technical mindset that makes non-technical games very difficult to run. And yet I still love and need the creative elements that you can't really find anywhere else, and don't want to give up the hobby.
Unfortunately, I've thought myself into a circle on this one. My nature is such that I have trouble running loose games, but loose games are the only thing that suit my needs, except that my nature is such that I... you get the idea.
I'm too close to the problem, and I'm getting stuck in a vicious cycle. I'd appreciate any insights.
Just a point for those that glossed over it: I have already taken GMing breaks, and yes, I was running PbtA correctly.
