The "Torment a Historian" movie playlist thread

[Dannyalcatraz]

Giorgio A. Tsoukalos could reprise Londo Mollari's role on B5 with that hair.

So true. Ditto the Kazon for ST: Voyager.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

I would say any of the movies dealing with Troy.

Well, you could probably include Homer in Epic Poems to Torment a Historian thread.

 

[Tonguez]

I was going to post about some of the nifty Shakespearean

Yeah like King Arthur, Troy and similar none of the stories are accounts of actual historic events and so none of them can be considered ahistoric

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Yeah like King Arthur, Troy and similar none of the stories are accounts of actual historic events and so none of them can be considered ahistoric

Thing is...his “historical” plays would probably satisfy the initial charge of this thread by themselves.

Add the wrong director for the movie...

Voila! Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Richard, starring QT in the titular role:

R3: See’st thou a sign on yon green proclaiming it “Dead Rivers Storage?”

Executioner: Pardon, m’lord?

R3: Dost. Thou. A sign. On yon green. Perceive. Proclaiming it “Dead Rivers Storage”?

Executioner: Nay, m’lor...

R3: BECAUSE YON GREEN IS NOT FOR STORING EARL RIVERS’ LIFELESS CORPSE, YOU MISBEGOTTEN, CLOTH-EARED MUTTON-FLOGGER!!!

 

[DrunkonDuty]

Not a movie but a TV series: Versaille. So pretty to watch. So much wrong about everything...

 

[Ryujin]

Reminded by @DrunkonDuty 's mention of Versailles...

Pretty much anything based on stories by Alexandre Dumas, but especially the craptastic 2011 film "The Three Musketeers" with Orlando Bloom as the Duke of Buckingham and Mila Jovovich as Lady deWinter. Airships. Cart-wheeling rapier fights in which random slashes kill guardsmen outright. All of that on top of Dumas' usual historical inaccuracies...

 

[MattW]

Anything involving Mel Gibson. Especially if he can show "the English" in a bad light..

Let's just go with Braveheart

1. Blue face paint? Er, no... That was the Picts (more than a thousand years earlier)
2. Kilts? No. Not yet. Come back in about 300 years. Maybe 500
3. Wallace as a farmer/peasant? No. He was from a knightly family. He would have had extensive military training.
4. Romance with a French princess? No. She was 13 when Wallace was executed/dismembered
5. Braveheart was Wallace's nickname? No. That was Robert the Bruce
6. Edward Longshanks and Wallace died at the same time? No. (1307 and 1305, respectively)
7. Edward II (Longshank's son) was stereotypically gay? No. He MIGHT have been homosexual, and there were definitely rumours. But he wasn't particularly effeminate and had at least 4 kids with his wife - and was rumoured to have a couple of heterosexual affairs.
8. The Scots sacked YORK? No. That was Carlisle. {God knows why Gibson would change this}

Now, if I was to start on "The Patriot" ...we'd be here all day. Where are all the black slaves? Where are the thousands of French Soldiers? Where's Baron Friedrich von Steuben? etctera, etcetera....

 

[Ryujin]

Anything involving Mel Gibson. Especially if he can show "the English" in a bad light..

Let's just go with Braveheart

1. Blue face paint? Er, no... That was the Picts (more than a thousand years earlier)
2. Kilts? No. Not yet. Come back in about 300 years. Maybe 500
3. Wallace as a farmer/peasant? No. He was from a knightly family. He would have had extensive military training.
4. Romance with a French princess? No. She was 13 when Wallace was executed/dismembered
5. Braveheart was Wallace's nickname? No. That was Robert the Bruce
6. Edward Longshanks and Wallace died at the same time? No. (1307 and 1305, respectively)
7. Edward II (Longshank's son) was stereotypically gay? No. He MIGHT have been homosexual, and there were definitely rumours. But he wasn't particularly effeminate and had at least 4 kids with his wife - and was rumoured to have a couple of heterosexual affairs.
8. The Scots sacked YORK? No. That was Carlisle. {God knows why Gibson would change this}

Now, if I was to start on "The Patriot" ...we'd be here all day. Where are all the black slaves? Where are the thousands of French Soldiers? Where's Baron Friedrich von Steuben? etctera, etcetera....

Yeah, that one hurt. I could almost hear my ancestors, who had barely made it to Scotland from Ireland at the time, moaning in their graves.

The sacking? Who doesn't love a good sacking? History? BAH! Couldn't otherwise have had it in the movie.

 

[Marc_C]

Balde Runner. Clearly the future presented in this movie is not historically correct.

 

[doctorbadwolf]

After all, what could our historian love more than a bunch of peasants singing "We Will Rock You" at a 14th century jousting match?

To be fair, I've never met a historian that didn't love that movie.