I think what you really hate is when players want to change the state of something that you don't think they should have control over. But I think it might be better to think of it as a continuum.
That does sound nicer, though in my view the players should have control over almost nothing.
For me, my reaction might be more this:
- "I roll 23, which it before, so I guess I do usual damage - 12" -- actively happy for players to make this sort of assumption
This one does not fly for me. That the players think everything is always the same is wrong. Just because you hit Orc#1 and did X damage, does not make Orc#2 exactly the same.
- "I succeed at a basic contacts check, so I find a guy who ..." -- generally OK, but I might intervene if the situation makes this unlikely.
Game rules are fine. Though my twist here is if the player is the one making the contact, they also make the rest. So if the player says "my buddy contact tell me a secret way into the castle", as DM I'm not going to have the NPC contact tell the PC anything. That will be up to the player. Of course, anything the player says is pure fantasy, as the DM just ignores it.
- "I spend a Fate point so there is a secret door allowing us to escape to the outer city" -- getting a little over-reaching here. I'd need you to tag something to explain why there's a door there, and I'll probably jump in to say where it goes.
Again, game rule like this are mostly fine. Really I love giving players "wish" type powers and watch them dig and dig deeper holes from themselves.
- "I critical the battle check! My forces are able to wipe out the enemy without loss!" -- yeah, that's OTT. I'd offer a couple of options as to what the outcome was, but make it clear that the player's desire is not one of them
Rules here?
As I described above, I basically just disagree. It's just a painful slow game if the players have to ask every time if an action they think has an obvious outcome actually has that outcome. Much better for them to expect (politely) an outcome and if they're wrong, handle it then.
I would say it is better if the players can just accept that, in general, small bits of effort will not alter time and space like the Pc is a Demigod. And more so, players should expect the bare minimum form most actions. And, the some what easy one: "If the action you want and desire to happen is something you would refused to have your PC do....then the NPC won't do it either".
It's actually a good teaching moment for you too. You allowed the player to roll to take an action where you knew that the result would not be what they intended, even if they succeeded, and it caused problems for your game. This helps you understand that you need to put more effort into building a better shared understanding of the simulated world. In fact, your last comment is a good example of what you should have said -- only BEFORE the roll, not after!
I only wish this was possible. But so few players even want to have a session zero other them making their character. Even the suggestion that we should "talk" sends players running away.
So, sadly this leaves game play as the only place this will come out.
Some of my examples:
*A lone guard is at a back door. The player says and demands "As I hide in the woods I throw a rock far away. When it hits the tree the guard abandons his post and goes into the woods looking for the source of the sound for an hour and keeps his back to the door at all times so I can get in!"
Yep, the above will never work in my game. Though if the player is unlucky a guard patrol might be sent out to investigate the noise....
*"I follow the Ranger Lord until he takes a bath in the river. Once he removes all his stuff and swims 100 feet away I rush over and steal all his stuff!!!!"
This poor PC was polymorphed into a chipmunk by the rangers protective magic.....