Maybe someone lese will share his or her secrets with us?
For now, I'll comment on the three newest entries.. and tadk.
tadk, when I went to bed last night I realized I had looked for the pics to my round in your story! No wonder I couldn't find them.
There I lay, wondering where you had hidden that ladder pic, and whether the explosives were meant to be the multiple mirror spheres. Only when I thought, "but the tiger was nice", I realized what had happened. So - yeah, I
ed up. Sorry
yanggnome, Destiny's Call
[sblock]It's the end of the world as we know it... and I feel fine
A very nice story about the end of the world. I didn't mind the speaker's "voice", but I think in the combat description you lose it and become very clear and technical, where perhaps a more "muddy" description might have worked better. I always like these kinds of "what ifs" - what if the homeless man warning us of our doom actually was correct? The situation also seemed very "personal", very "local" to me. The end of the world started in Eerie, Indiana. (actually, that might make a good first sentence for a story) So how did the monk know where and when to be? And if he appeared, why not several others? Why didn't he bring some heavy weaponry, or a clan of ninjas with him? And what would have happened if he hadn't punched a hole in the world? It's a fine entry, but these questions remained with me afterwards.
The Pictures
*checks to see these are the correct pictures for the round*
Alright, I loved the way you used the "gaping smile" - looking at Angelic Destruction might indeed cause such a reaction. Making the man the narrator was a great choice. The "ki jump" was a fairly straightforward interpretation, but hard to do differently. The "frozen bridge" was nice, but mainly for the image. Having frost stretching out after a hard punch was a fairly random thing to happen, I thought. The "spiderweb", finally, was a very nice visual. Alternate realities hanging on these threads - I like it very much.
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Herreman the Wise, Of Power and Peace
[sblock]One thing is missing from your story, just one miniscule thing: a word. Couldn't you have put another adjective or adverb somewhere? 4,999 words?
But there's my problem with your story right there: it's wordy. That's not to say your sentences aren't beautifully constructed, as far as I can tell. But you use so many adverbs and adjectives - I was longing for something to be simply the way it is. Just a table. Just a smile. Just a spell. I realize you wanted to craft the atmosphere of a fairy tale, of a time of wonders long past, and you succeeded. I just felt it was too much.
My second quibble would be with the conflict. What conflict, you ask? There you have it. There is none. The gift to the barbarians is in Imperial hands from the beginning. The wizard immediately listens to the boy and takes him to the barbarian lands, whereupon they are immediately transported to the emperor, before a peace treaty is signed and the dragon egg returned. There are fights, yes, but they are glossed over, as are any problems in crafting said peace treaty or even being received by the barbarian emperor.
That said, it was still a very enjoyable read, and you do craft very fine sentences. And the final note, of giving power to your enemy, was wonderful. I really liked that.
The Pictures
The "gaping smile" is the wizard's servant seeing a dragon for the first time in decades. It's a nice image, but not a spectacular use. The "spiderweb" was very nice, and I think I will yoink the idea of the dew spider for later use. I thought the "ki kick" was an innovative use with the brother being yanked back, even though his demise was so early in the story. The "frozen bridge" was a nice use, but I wasn't quite clear on the significance of the ice, since you write later on that the wizard's valley was always in temperate climate, the threat of winter yet a promise
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RangerWickett, Part 1: Supermarket Asylum
[sblock]First: Why "Part 1"?
Now, I had some problems getting into the story. It just took until the protagonist meets his father on netnet that I felt comfortable in it. I can't really pinpoint why, though. The world you describe is - to put it mildly - really, really strange. Which is good in my book, of course. Everytime I felt the story didn't really click with me, there was a little throwaway reference that pulled me back in. People buying perishables. The Sports Illustrated. (though I felt a little queasy with the - to me - inherent commentary you provided. I try to stay away from these things in Ceramic DM) And of course the catatonic cellmate wasn't; all that was left to find out was wther he'd be a good guy or a bad guy. I guess he was bad.
And despite that overall, I liked your story but wasn't terribly impressed by it, your ending earned you a load of bonus points, of course. A really, really great meta-commentary/twist, especially since these scams rely on this exact scenario: "What if it were true?".
The Pictures
Interestingly, yanggnome uses the "ki kick" as forward motion, whereas Herreman the Wise let the kicker fly backwards. You have him freeze in the (artificial) air. Who would have thought this picture to be used so differently? (Well, BSF obviously. Kudos, there!) I liked your use, though it didn't take me by as much surprise as Herreman's. The "spiderweb" as a modern piece of cyberware was very nice; I really think this pic did get the best interpretations overall. The "gaping smile" was a throwaway, though. There was just no significance to the situation (maybe there is on a second read, when you know that the cold was engineered by the Nigerian). Finally, the "frozen bridge" is a difficult one. On the one hand, the ice storm features strongly in the story; on the other hand, it is simply an artificial environment created by the father. I *think* you tried to show that the netnet weather cannot be influenced by the normal user (the remark about people being too old to get their news elsewhere), which would explain the frozen part, making this a good use.
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All in all, again a very good and very close round. I wouldn't want to judge between two of these stories, let alone three of them.
