RangerWickett
Legend
Jeez. Someone reply, okay? The tension is killing me, and I'm terribly afraid I offended someone.
Ceramic DM - Spring 2005 (Late Bloomer) - We have a winner.
BSF
Explorer
Round 2, Match 1 - Judgement
BardStephenFox
Berandor Cold Fish
OK, Berandor takes the pictures and begins to mix in some modern day fantasy themes. He couples it with a some banter, a splash of humor and then tosses in the 'in-jokes'. This story was a fun read.
To be sure, there were some spots that were a little rough. There were a couple of things that might seem just a tad contrived. The picture use was very competent. In all, it is a very solid Ceramic DM story.
The protagonist began as a little difficult to empathize with. Still, by the end of the story I wanted to see what happened. I think the implied character of Meowth steals a lot of Dale Sheperd's thunder. Berandor put a lot of effort into making Meowth interesting. The cat has hearing problems, a special hat and likes Tom & Jerry. He also has a huge litterbox. What do we really know about Dale? He is an urban druid and he doesn't like to be played for a fool by animals. Still, he doesn't agaonize over being played by Madison near the end of the story. This is a slight inconsistency. It isn't enough to ruin the story, not by any stretch. Still, it is indicative of some of the smaller details that Berandor could clean up if he ever chooses to revisit the story.
The security guard turning into a tree and Madison the mermaid were both a little stretched for the pictures. Still, the rest of the pictures did a good job with the story. They convey interesting and relevant points of a story that I could see being illustrated.
Berandor, thanks for the story and for the laugh at the end.
Speaker Gift of Life
Speaker gives us an imaginative tale that seems to have a cautionary element. I get the impression that Speaker would be an interesting GM to play with. I can easily imagine playing in a game with Speaker and questioning whether I picked up all the subtlties of everything after the session/adventure were through.
I really enjoyed the ideas here Speaker. You do a good job creating some vivid images. But in the end, I didn't feel anything for any of the characters. That weakens your story quite a bit for me. Michael didn't have any emotional impact for me. The story very much leaves me feeling that Michael was just a small pawn in a larger game that still doesn't have any impact on anybody else.
The picture of the Lady in Water is the picture I enjoy the most. Primarily because it seems to drive the story forward. The rest of the pictures pretty much depict events that could happen in the story, but don't need to.
In the end, I am left with a story that has some interesting ideas, but I don't have the emotional involvment to investigate those ideas later.
Judgement[sblock]Berandor's story was a more enjoyable read for me and seemed to have stronger picture use. I must award this one to Berandor.[/sblock]
Macbeth
Speaker - Gift of LIfe:
Perhaps the biggest weakness of this story is that it never really
feels involved. The third-person point of view makes Micheal seem a
little distant. We never really get much in the way of dialogue, and
all the action seems almost summarized. It reads a bit like a first
person story summarized into a third person narrative.
Beyond this problem, the story is really quite strong. Your prose is,
again, very flavorful and probably the best element of the story. the
language you use is excellent, but it coul dbe put to better use from
a different point of view.
Picture use was good, but not outstanding. The lady of branches has to
be my favorite pictre use, it really melds into the story. The jumping
in the rain picture at first seems weak, but it still has importance
(it illustrates Micheal's happiness quite well). The fountain and
lady-in-water were very literally used, but they didn't add any
flavor. They fit the story, but aren't integral.
Overall, I enjoyed the style of the story. Thanks for a enjoyable read.
Berandor - Cold Fish:
This entire story, I was debating in my head if Dale Shepherd was ment
to be a dog or not. With a name like Shepherd, and his self
description ("For that kind of money, I'm your dog, Mr. M."), made me
wonder if our druid was, in fact a dog. That's probably all in my
mind, but it might be worth making it clear who's an animal and who's
a man.
Overall, I liked the story. I felt some of the magic references were a
bit forced, but the idea of an urban druid private eye was just
wonderful.
The tone varies a bit much. At some points it's very noir, at others
it's entirely fantasy. A middle ground would have made the story more
even, and would have been a neat nitch to write in. You don't get many
fantasy-noir stories.
Picture use was creative, well integrated and enjoyable. You managed
to make a picture of a cat in a hat seem vaguely sinister, the
fountain came to life with gorgons, and even the umbrella made sense.
The mermaid recovering the 'bubble' envelope was a bit of stretch, but
the other pictures more then made up for it.
Maldur
For round two I noticed that several contestants have stoories that remind me of book I recently (re)read. RangerWickett's story remiminds me of Bruce Bethke's Headcrash, ad Berandors story reminds me to a book I cant seem to find now (memory failure is my middle name). I like the fact that writers I like have influence on more than just me
Great round peoples!
Speaker vs. Berandor
Speaker
This story has potential, but I find it a bit choppy.
The "sepreate scenes" style is not working out completely, eventhough the ideas of the story are nice.
Berandor
D&D meets Film Noir meets Shadowrun meets Daktari.
Weird little story, esp the roomsize litterbox is a nice touch (and the P-kitty reference)
Judgement: [sblock]berandor has the better story I esp like the mood of the piece.[/sblock]
Rodrigo Istalindir
Ceramic DM Judgements
Round 2, Match 1
Berandor - Cold Fish
What a story. I love the hard-boiled tone, and I've no doubt Shepherd would feel right at home tossing back a drink with Marlowe and Spade. This wonderful little tale takes a stock detective storyline and turns it on its tail. Chock full of the details that make the fantastic seem commonplace (and I mean that in a good way). The Tom-and-Jerry cartoon, is priceless.
The story is lean, tightly writtent, and doesn't waste any time getting things moving. A common pitfall in Ceramic DM is spending energy on setting without advancing the plot. Here, the author does an excellent job of letting the action fill in the backstory as it goes along. Of course, I'm predisposed to dislike cats, so some of the work was already done...
Having the main character a druid that doesn't like animals is a neat touch, although this is one place a little more history would have been welcome. The elements of the caper are consistent and well-paced, and the mansion really is believable. The 'Five-finger Elemental Palm of Doom' is a neat spell, btw.
One jarring note was the retina scanner -- if all cats have identical retinas, I don't think anyone would use one as a security measure. The author tries to tap-dance around it a bit, but I think there were better ways to go there. Also, the ease of access to the mansion strains credibility a bit. I'm really being nit-picky, though. This was a great story.
Picture use: Excellent use all around here, without a really weak element in the bunch. Each is well integrated into the story as a whole, and none seem included just because they had to. The author does a good job of setting up the mermaid pic at the end, the cat as the antogonist is a wonderful choice, even the man with the umbrella is perfectly consistent with the story.
Speaker - Gift of Life
A tale of a foolish man, who bargains for the ability to see things as they truly are without asking what it will cost. Another flash-back story, told by the protagonist as his lifesblood drips away. This story has a surreal tone, dream-like, that makes it hard to get a grip on what's going on.
Unfortunately, the pacing and wording of the story suffer. Much like his first round entry, the repetitive use of 'And' and 'then' and 'now' to start sentences becomes wearying. The isn't much tying the parts of the story together -- Micheal goes from normal human, to errand-boy, to victim without much of a thread to pull it together. Aside from his brief introduction, you don't get any sense of him as a person, and that makes it hard to care when you spend most of the story thinking he's about to die.
The story does get stronger as it goes, as if the author knew where he wanted to end up and just couldn't figure out where to start. Always nice to see someone get their comeuppance, especially when its through their own greed and overconfidence. The Man of Cats toying with Micheal as he lay dying was a nice touch, very feline.
Picture use is a bit weak. Both the 'Lady of Branches' and 'Lady of Water' refer to the same person, changing form without much rhyme or reason. The 'Man of Cats' turning out to really be a Man-cat, his true nature revealed in a moment of expected triumph, was good. The fountain and man with the umbrella were merely descriptive, and not integral to the story.
[sblock]Speaker's tale ends well, and with a little fleshing out, especially of Micheal, this would be a better story. You've got good ideas, and a knack for description. Concentrate more on the flow of the prose, and you'll do even better. Berandor puts forth a superlative entry, one that really doesn't have a weak spot. Some minor plot issues that could be tightened up, perhaps, but a clever story, excellent tone, and top-notch picture use. Judgement: Berandor[/sblock]
Summary[sblock]Berandor takes this round with three votes. Thanks for your stories in this contest Speaker. I certainly hope to see you return for a future contest.[/sblock]
BardStephenFox
Berandor Cold Fish
OK, Berandor takes the pictures and begins to mix in some modern day fantasy themes. He couples it with a some banter, a splash of humor and then tosses in the 'in-jokes'. This story was a fun read.
To be sure, there were some spots that were a little rough. There were a couple of things that might seem just a tad contrived. The picture use was very competent. In all, it is a very solid Ceramic DM story.
The protagonist began as a little difficult to empathize with. Still, by the end of the story I wanted to see what happened. I think the implied character of Meowth steals a lot of Dale Sheperd's thunder. Berandor put a lot of effort into making Meowth interesting. The cat has hearing problems, a special hat and likes Tom & Jerry. He also has a huge litterbox. What do we really know about Dale? He is an urban druid and he doesn't like to be played for a fool by animals. Still, he doesn't agaonize over being played by Madison near the end of the story. This is a slight inconsistency. It isn't enough to ruin the story, not by any stretch. Still, it is indicative of some of the smaller details that Berandor could clean up if he ever chooses to revisit the story.
The security guard turning into a tree and Madison the mermaid were both a little stretched for the pictures. Still, the rest of the pictures did a good job with the story. They convey interesting and relevant points of a story that I could see being illustrated.
Berandor, thanks for the story and for the laugh at the end.
Speaker Gift of Life
Speaker gives us an imaginative tale that seems to have a cautionary element. I get the impression that Speaker would be an interesting GM to play with. I can easily imagine playing in a game with Speaker and questioning whether I picked up all the subtlties of everything after the session/adventure were through.
I really enjoyed the ideas here Speaker. You do a good job creating some vivid images. But in the end, I didn't feel anything for any of the characters. That weakens your story quite a bit for me. Michael didn't have any emotional impact for me. The story very much leaves me feeling that Michael was just a small pawn in a larger game that still doesn't have any impact on anybody else.
The picture of the Lady in Water is the picture I enjoy the most. Primarily because it seems to drive the story forward. The rest of the pictures pretty much depict events that could happen in the story, but don't need to.
In the end, I am left with a story that has some interesting ideas, but I don't have the emotional involvment to investigate those ideas later.
Judgement[sblock]Berandor's story was a more enjoyable read for me and seemed to have stronger picture use. I must award this one to Berandor.[/sblock]
Macbeth
Speaker - Gift of LIfe:
Perhaps the biggest weakness of this story is that it never really
feels involved. The third-person point of view makes Micheal seem a
little distant. We never really get much in the way of dialogue, and
all the action seems almost summarized. It reads a bit like a first
person story summarized into a third person narrative.
Beyond this problem, the story is really quite strong. Your prose is,
again, very flavorful and probably the best element of the story. the
language you use is excellent, but it coul dbe put to better use from
a different point of view.
Picture use was good, but not outstanding. The lady of branches has to
be my favorite pictre use, it really melds into the story. The jumping
in the rain picture at first seems weak, but it still has importance
(it illustrates Micheal's happiness quite well). The fountain and
lady-in-water were very literally used, but they didn't add any
flavor. They fit the story, but aren't integral.
Overall, I enjoyed the style of the story. Thanks for a enjoyable read.
Berandor - Cold Fish:
This entire story, I was debating in my head if Dale Shepherd was ment
to be a dog or not. With a name like Shepherd, and his self
description ("For that kind of money, I'm your dog, Mr. M."), made me
wonder if our druid was, in fact a dog. That's probably all in my
mind, but it might be worth making it clear who's an animal and who's
a man.
Overall, I liked the story. I felt some of the magic references were a
bit forced, but the idea of an urban druid private eye was just
wonderful.
The tone varies a bit much. At some points it's very noir, at others
it's entirely fantasy. A middle ground would have made the story more
even, and would have been a neat nitch to write in. You don't get many
fantasy-noir stories.
Picture use was creative, well integrated and enjoyable. You managed
to make a picture of a cat in a hat seem vaguely sinister, the
fountain came to life with gorgons, and even the umbrella made sense.
The mermaid recovering the 'bubble' envelope was a bit of stretch, but
the other pictures more then made up for it.
Maldur
For round two I noticed that several contestants have stoories that remind me of book I recently (re)read. RangerWickett's story remiminds me of Bruce Bethke's Headcrash, ad Berandors story reminds me to a book I cant seem to find now (memory failure is my middle name). I like the fact that writers I like have influence on more than just me
Great round peoples!
Speaker vs. Berandor
Speaker
This story has potential, but I find it a bit choppy.
The "sepreate scenes" style is not working out completely, eventhough the ideas of the story are nice.
Berandor
D&D meets Film Noir meets Shadowrun meets Daktari.
Weird little story, esp the roomsize litterbox is a nice touch (and the P-kitty reference)
Judgement: [sblock]berandor has the better story I esp like the mood of the piece.[/sblock]
Rodrigo Istalindir
Ceramic DM Judgements
Round 2, Match 1
Berandor - Cold Fish
What a story. I love the hard-boiled tone, and I've no doubt Shepherd would feel right at home tossing back a drink with Marlowe and Spade. This wonderful little tale takes a stock detective storyline and turns it on its tail. Chock full of the details that make the fantastic seem commonplace (and I mean that in a good way). The Tom-and-Jerry cartoon, is priceless.
The story is lean, tightly writtent, and doesn't waste any time getting things moving. A common pitfall in Ceramic DM is spending energy on setting without advancing the plot. Here, the author does an excellent job of letting the action fill in the backstory as it goes along. Of course, I'm predisposed to dislike cats, so some of the work was already done...
Having the main character a druid that doesn't like animals is a neat touch, although this is one place a little more history would have been welcome. The elements of the caper are consistent and well-paced, and the mansion really is believable. The 'Five-finger Elemental Palm of Doom' is a neat spell, btw.
One jarring note was the retina scanner -- if all cats have identical retinas, I don't think anyone would use one as a security measure. The author tries to tap-dance around it a bit, but I think there were better ways to go there. Also, the ease of access to the mansion strains credibility a bit. I'm really being nit-picky, though. This was a great story.
Picture use: Excellent use all around here, without a really weak element in the bunch. Each is well integrated into the story as a whole, and none seem included just because they had to. The author does a good job of setting up the mermaid pic at the end, the cat as the antogonist is a wonderful choice, even the man with the umbrella is perfectly consistent with the story.
Speaker - Gift of Life
A tale of a foolish man, who bargains for the ability to see things as they truly are without asking what it will cost. Another flash-back story, told by the protagonist as his lifesblood drips away. This story has a surreal tone, dream-like, that makes it hard to get a grip on what's going on.
Unfortunately, the pacing and wording of the story suffer. Much like his first round entry, the repetitive use of 'And' and 'then' and 'now' to start sentences becomes wearying. The isn't much tying the parts of the story together -- Micheal goes from normal human, to errand-boy, to victim without much of a thread to pull it together. Aside from his brief introduction, you don't get any sense of him as a person, and that makes it hard to care when you spend most of the story thinking he's about to die.
The story does get stronger as it goes, as if the author knew where he wanted to end up and just couldn't figure out where to start. Always nice to see someone get their comeuppance, especially when its through their own greed and overconfidence. The Man of Cats toying with Micheal as he lay dying was a nice touch, very feline.
Picture use is a bit weak. Both the 'Lady of Branches' and 'Lady of Water' refer to the same person, changing form without much rhyme or reason. The 'Man of Cats' turning out to really be a Man-cat, his true nature revealed in a moment of expected triumph, was good. The fountain and man with the umbrella were merely descriptive, and not integral to the story.
[sblock]Speaker's tale ends well, and with a little fleshing out, especially of Micheal, this would be a better story. You've got good ideas, and a knack for description. Concentrate more on the flow of the prose, and you'll do even better. Berandor puts forth a superlative entry, one that really doesn't have a weak spot. Some minor plot issues that could be tightened up, perhaps, but a clever story, excellent tone, and top-notch picture use. Judgement: Berandor[/sblock]
Summary[sblock]Berandor takes this round with three votes. Thanks for your stories in this contest Speaker. I certainly hope to see you return for a future contest.[/sblock]
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