1000 Things Your Characters do if They Have Deathwishes

[Pbartender]

38. Reach into the fountain of water to grab the glowing sword.

39. Wash off the grime of battle in the pool of cave water that looks suspiciously like an ochre jelly.

40. Ask, in all seriousness, "Can my Necromancer have a floating skull for a familiar?"

41. Quaff the unidentified potion.

42. Read the tome bound in human skin.

43. Don an ochre robe.

44. Blow the whistle.

45. Attack the nuns.

 

[Imperialus]

46. Have your character recite "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" to the other characters claiming you found it carved into the wall of the outhouse. Proceed to try and find out what it means. Pay careful attention to all dreams involveing oversized archatecture.

 

[Darklone]

47. Thinking your superior Spring Attack will help against the hobgoblin phalanx.

 

[Darkness]

48. "Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!"

 

[Eldragon]

49. Take a trip into the underdark wearing nothing but a loincloth and the words "Lolth's mother was a pixie, and her father was a dust mite" tattooed across your chest.

50. Kill the good-aligned NPC that is holding the campaign story together. Then inform the DM that you saw through his/her plot from the beginning, and that said NPC would betray the party in the end. Your PC was just doing everyone a favor.

edit: Fixed numbering.

 

[alsih2o]

48. "Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!"

"marsha marsha marsha"

 

[Steverooo]

51) Swimming in quicksand (it keeps you warm).

 

[senodam]

52) Threaten to pluck a Solar.

 

[WinnipegDragon]

52) Somehow get the White Dragon to parley, and then call the White Dragon a coward. (This caused a TPK in a game I was running.)

 

[Apok]

53) Walk into a bar, declare that the finest brew in the place wouldn't pass for warm pisschango, pour the ale onto the counter top and set the bar on fire. Then, proceed to kill the bartender and the armed patrons until the (18th level average) watch arrives to subdue your character while your drunk cleric companion begins summoning random animals into the bar to crush the guardsmen (ever seen a Dire Shark summoned in mid-air?). Then, after being teleported to a prison cell, use your handy pick-axe to break out of the outer wall, fall about 50' to the ground, run back to the inn (being chased by more members of the uber-watch) and wreak more havok.

(Yes, I've done this before. The character in question did survive, however.)