101 Extremely Silly Mercantile Ideas

[Robbert Raets]

So the character I'm re-designing for the Todd Lockwood Appreciation Contest is a pirate captain. So I was leafing through the Arms & Equipment Guide thinking about the sorts of things trade caravans and cargo vessels carry in a fantasy world. Some ideas I came up with;

1. Succubus' Kisses
2. Powdered Fiend Horns
3. Fey Rum
4. Pixie Stix/Sprite Dust
5. Elven Scotch
6. Goblin, Kobold or Halfling Slaves
7. Dragon Jerky
8. Smoked Mermaid
9. Canned Cleric
10. Ectoplasm (?)
11. Gnome Inventions (?)

Feel free to add your own insane ramblings to this post. Also, I'd like some feedback and ideas for the last two; what could you use ectoplasm for and what kind of things would Gnomes invent?

 

[MarauderX]

12. Canaries & parrots (for miners, pets, or a fine feast)
13. Ribbon & bolts of bright clothing (think spring/summer festivals)
14. Halfling farming tools -- half-size plow, hoe, pick, yolk, etc. for kids
15. Two-headed coins, disappearing coins
16. Fake weapons, wooden swords
17. Wyvern poison
18. Elven spices
19. Phoenix feathers
20. Paintings galore (of foreign lands)
21. 'Weird' musical instruments
22. Naibmuloc gnomish Coffee
23. 'Smokey treats' pipe tobacco

 

[s/LaSH]

24. Gnomish inventors (after their inventions go off). People are cargo too!
25. A whole hold full of Holy Avengers. For the corner wand shop.
26. Guano. Weapons-grade guano. Possibly banned by international treaty.
27. A gelatinous cube stored entirely in one-inch acid-proof boxes. Probably as party treats for illithids.
28. A number of cages filled with well-fed bats. Almost sure to be banned by international treaty.

 

[Robbert Raets]

29. Gorgons. (Helmsman, why are we heavy in the water?)
30. Cleaning Aids
31. Negative or Positive Energy Torpedoes
32. Fiendish Dire Bats. On Steriods. Eating nothing but fresh Beef.
With sulfur garnish.
33. Orcish Musicians.....

 

[fnork de sporg]

34. Black Puddings carefully sealed in large jars
35. A leaky case of love potions
36. F***ing Huge Bombs
37. Humanoid brains on ice
38. Dragon Scales
39. A Displacer Beast in a cage, though it doesn't look like it's in the cage
40. Zombies

 

[RigaMortus]

41. Decafinated Coffee Table
42. Wireless Extension Cord
43. Quicksand Box
44. Humidifier
45. De-humidifier
46. Powdered Water

 

[Cedric]

47. Halfling Dancing Girls
48. Two wooden training dummies
49. Fishing supplies
50. Genuine Orc eye-teeth earrings
51. Pickled Pixie Feet
52. Preserved Beholder Eye's (with a warning not to look directly at it).

Cedric

 

[Robbert Raets]

53. Fleeing Dictators
54. Alchemist's Fire (Break out the FRAGILE! labels...)
55. Acid (No! Don't spill that!)
56. Acid (No! Don't sniff that!)

 

[Hand of Evil]

57. Pickled anything (eggs, eyes, fingers, toes)
58. Sexual aids (water, bird nest, bark)
59. Hair (wigs or hair growing products)
60. Feathers (for hats)
61. Furs, skins (animal/human/orc/etc)

 

[Malcolm]

62. Carrion Crawler dried tentacles (for wands of Hold Person)
63. Sheafs of Dragon wing membrane
64. Barrels of Dwarf-cut gems!
65. Rare statues of Elves with chest hair
66. Ancient Halfling Grecian-style urns
67. Toads... (hey, some countries may not have them)
68. Exotic deep sea fish! (ilixitchal thingy ma'bobs)
69. Magical bags of rain
70. Distilled essence of Sucubus blushes (rare indeed!)
71. Dwarvish books on How-to-shave! (even more rare!)
72. Heretical treasties on summoning beings of power and majesty.