Negflar2099
Explorer
Okay a friend sent this to me and (with his permission) I've decided to post it here. I thought it was funny enough to warrant sharing.
A D&D Christmas
‘Twas a D&D Christmas and all over the board
Were assembled the forces of the undying Horde
The zombies were snarling, the goblins spread out
The hell hounds were hungry and ready to pounce
The Fighter’s Sword was well in his grip
While a sneer of defiance played on his lips
The Cleric with her symbol and I with my wand
Were joining forces in a mystical bond
When out on the field there arose such a clamor
That the Cleric nearly dropped her cast iron hammer
Away to a hill the Thief flew like a flash
To get a good view on the unfolding
clash
The blood moon rising above the plateau
Gave a grim view of the battle below
When what to our terrified eyes should appear
But the Demon Glialzabub and his obsidian spear
He was summoned so suddenly, so strong and so quick
That I realized that they had used the darkest magic
More rapid than quicklings his evil forces they came,
And he screamed and he shouted and he called them by name
“Now, Goblins! Now, Skeletons! Now Orcs and Witches!
On, Golems! On, Beholders! On Mind Flayers and Liches!
To the top of the hill and over the wall!
Kill them! Kill them! Kill them all!”
As spells of magic cast from lips fly
And mystical lightning drops from the sky
So up to our battlements the evil force flew
While Gliazabub cast his vile vodoo
I drew back my hand and I spun all around
And Gliazabub came on with a bound
His red skin was all leathery from his horn to
his foot
And his smelled strongly of brimstone and soot.
His raised his spear up above my head
and I knew right then that I would be dead
Then I thought of something and I cried out with glee
We forgot to roll initiative because the GM’s dopey!
The GM’s mouth tightened like a quivering bow
And with a shrug of his shoulders he let out a D’oh!
The dice clattered as they rolled over the map
We needed to roll well or we’d be caught in his trap
“A 20!” I yelled, not believing my luck
Usually with dice rolling it’s clear that I suck
But this time I was lucky. I would go first
Had I finally done it? Had I thrown off the curse?
No matter I thought as I stared at my character sheet
This demon lord’s days were numbered. He was dead meat.
With a wink of my eye and a twist of my hand
I cast the most powerful spell seen in this land
The energy erupted from my
fingers and struck him so hard
That he dropped his spear and let down his guard
The Fighter was next and he went straight to work
He eviscerated the demon and twisted his sword with a jerk
The demon’s body was split, in pieces it fell
His spirit rose up and went straight back to hell
The army quickly scattered. Without it’s leader it was nothing
We defeated them all, and left the GM sobbing
And he cried and he cried for we ruined his plan
Then he fled from the room like a crazy madman
And I heard him exclaim, before he dove out of view
“I hate you all! You’ve ruined this game and I’m done playing with
you!”
A D&D Christmas
‘Twas a D&D Christmas and all over the board
Were assembled the forces of the undying Horde
The zombies were snarling, the goblins spread out
The hell hounds were hungry and ready to pounce
The Fighter’s Sword was well in his grip
While a sneer of defiance played on his lips
The Cleric with her symbol and I with my wand
Were joining forces in a mystical bond
When out on the field there arose such a clamor
That the Cleric nearly dropped her cast iron hammer
Away to a hill the Thief flew like a flash
To get a good view on the unfolding
clash
The blood moon rising above the plateau
Gave a grim view of the battle below
When what to our terrified eyes should appear
But the Demon Glialzabub and his obsidian spear
He was summoned so suddenly, so strong and so quick
That I realized that they had used the darkest magic
More rapid than quicklings his evil forces they came,
And he screamed and he shouted and he called them by name
“Now, Goblins! Now, Skeletons! Now Orcs and Witches!
On, Golems! On, Beholders! On Mind Flayers and Liches!
To the top of the hill and over the wall!
Kill them! Kill them! Kill them all!”
As spells of magic cast from lips fly
And mystical lightning drops from the sky
So up to our battlements the evil force flew
While Gliazabub cast his vile vodoo
I drew back my hand and I spun all around
And Gliazabub came on with a bound
His red skin was all leathery from his horn to
his foot
And his smelled strongly of brimstone and soot.
His raised his spear up above my head
and I knew right then that I would be dead
Then I thought of something and I cried out with glee
We forgot to roll initiative because the GM’s dopey!
The GM’s mouth tightened like a quivering bow
And with a shrug of his shoulders he let out a D’oh!
The dice clattered as they rolled over the map
We needed to roll well or we’d be caught in his trap
“A 20!” I yelled, not believing my luck
Usually with dice rolling it’s clear that I suck
But this time I was lucky. I would go first
Had I finally done it? Had I thrown off the curse?
No matter I thought as I stared at my character sheet
This demon lord’s days were numbered. He was dead meat.
With a wink of my eye and a twist of my hand
I cast the most powerful spell seen in this land
The energy erupted from my
fingers and struck him so hard
That he dropped his spear and let down his guard
The Fighter was next and he went straight to work
He eviscerated the demon and twisted his sword with a jerk
The demon’s body was split, in pieces it fell
His spirit rose up and went straight back to hell
The army quickly scattered. Without it’s leader it was nothing
We defeated them all, and left the GM sobbing
And he cried and he cried for we ruined his plan
Then he fled from the room like a crazy madman
And I heard him exclaim, before he dove out of view
“I hate you all! You’ve ruined this game and I’m done playing with
you!”
