Short of the occasional new or particularly young player, the groups I've played with have always handled violence in a way that works for me.
We treat enemies with moral capability as more or less people, and we see the game as set in a world at war. Our groups almost always include good characters that consider killing to be an occurrence that, while common for adventurers, is regrettable and to be avoided.
We allow villains and monsters to surrender, often call for them to do so, and don't see anyone affiliated with the bad guys as fair game for pre-emptive slaughter.
At the same time, evil people and beings are proactively trying to murder innocent people, bestial monsters are killing people as a part of their existence, and you usually don't have the luxury of parlaying individually with each member of an opposing army.
To put it briefly, when we are playing good characters, we kill in the game in the same situations we would consider it justified in the real world (at least if we lived in the wild west). When someone is playing a neutral or (real occasionally) an evil character they tend to act accordingly, and we role-play the interactions. When our neutral character that was angry killed a duergar prisoner after a battle, our good character got into an argument with them.
In my experience, issues of morality can be addressed and played through rather than avoided, glossed over, or had a world created that minimizes them. As far as I recall, that's basically always been my role-playing experience.
Honestly, that's always been the norm for the people I've played with regularly. When I occasionally play a one-shot with someone who is just going all in on murderhobo it weird. In the same way, when I see design moves to minimize the capability for moral decisions it doesn't make any sense to me. To me part of playing make-believe, as someone matures from being a young child, is to start role-playing morality and experiencing believable consequences for it.
Maybe I'm weird, but I have zero issue combining escapist fun with role-playing realistic moral decision-making in imaginary worlds with real-world kinds of issues.