A question of etiquette

[francisca]

that's cuz [sister sledge]we are Family...[/sister sledge]

I got all my d20s with me...

 

[Pielorinho]

Interesting etiquette question!

One possible solution would have been for your wife to say, "Y'all are fantastic for letting me stay here. Please let me do a little something for you by cooking dinner for y'all, just one night!" And not take no for an answer easily.

Assuming sister relents, your wife then could have gone out and bought enough groceries to feed an army, and cooked them up. Maybe made a ginormous lasagne, with bread and salad, or something. The result should be enough food to keep people fed for a few days.

Otherwise, it seems to me that there may be two things going on:
1) Sister has got an eating disorder. That really sounds like a tiny bit of food, and if the mom has an eating disorder, she may be projecting it onto the kids, which can be dangerous for them.
Or,
2) Sister's family is really strapped for cash right now. Maybe having your wife visit is a serious financial burden to the family -- the fact that they're splitting green beans from a can suggests that they're not forking over the big bucks on their food budget. It could even be that sister's husband has been carping about the cost of your wife's visit and pressuring sister into not spending much on it.

I dunno. It's a conundrum.
Daniel

 

[der_kluge]

Otherwise, it seems to me that there may be two things going on:
1) Sister has got an eating disorder. That really sounds like a tiny bit of food, and if the mom has an eating disorder, she may be projecting it onto the kids, which can be dangerous for them.
Or,
2) Sister's family is really strapped for cash right now. Maybe having your wife visit is a serious financial burden to the family -- the fact that they're splitting green beans from a can suggests that they're not forking over the big bucks on their food budget. It could even be that sister's husband has been carping about the cost of your wife's visit and pressuring sister into not spending much on it.

I dunno. It's a conundrum.
Daniel

Well, my wife mentioned that her sister didn't always eat this way. She just has gotten this way over time. My wife is a social worker, and a therapist, so I think if there was any kind of eating disorder going on, if anyone could have picked up on that, my wife could. I think my wife's conclusion was that they were just very tight with their money, so food is not something that take to excess. My brother-in-law makes good money, but I think they are both just very frugal with how they spend it.

Yea, my wife didn't want to say anything to sound gluttonous or inconsiderate of their hospitality. We both agreed that we eat too much, and we could both stand to lose some weight, so my wife probably felt like what we were used too was probably excessive, and she didn't have any place deriding her sister on the quantities of food that they ate. And she was staying there for a couple of days out of her sister's good will. Gift horse and all that.

So, she ended up not saying anything, and just got over it. I still thought it strange nonetheless.

 

[Desdichado]

Otherwise, it seems to me that there may be two three things going on:
1) Sister has got an eating disorder. That really sounds like a tiny bit of food, and if the mom has an eating disorder, she may be projecting it onto the kids, which can be dangerous for them.
Or,
2) Sister's family is really strapped for cash right now. Maybe having your wife visit is a serious financial burden to the family -- the fact that they're splitting green beans from a can suggests that they're not forking over the big bucks on their food budget. It could even be that sister's husband has been carping about the cost of your wife's visit and pressuring sister into not spending much on it.

3) They just don't eat that much. Some people just don't eat as much as others, and there's nothing unhealthy about it.

 

[Pielorinho]

3) They just don't eat that much. Some people just don't eat as much as others, and there's nothing unhealthy about it.

That's true, but the spoonful of green beans is what threw me. Then again, I eat a lot of veggies, so I may have a distorted sense of what constitutes a normal veggie serving for most people .

Daniel

 

[diaglo]

That's true, but the spoonful of green beans is what threw me. Then again, I eat a lot of veggies, so I may have a distorted sense of what constitutes a normal veggie serving for most people .

Daniel

you can always visit the ADA to find out what the serving size on a package really means.

 

[Ranger REG]

Hmm. You never mentioned anything about her husband -- your brother-in-law -- other than he's an engineer. Is he a control freak?

 

[Pielorinho]

you can always visit the ADA to find out what the serving size on a package really means.

True. If I go by ADA standards, though, I'll just about guarantee they weren't eating a single serving of veggies. 1/2 cup is an ADA serving of green beans. I'm more thinking about what yer average person considers a normal serving, not what dietitians recommend.

If I were eating a spoonful of them, it'd probably signify I wasn't getting enough calories all-around. But maybe they were eating big pork-chops.

Daniel

 

[der_kluge]

Hmm. You never mentioned anything about her husband -- your brother-in-law -- other than he's an engineer. Is he a control freak?

No, not really. A bit anti-social, but he doesn't strike me as a control freak. Maybe, though. Their house is always spotless, but I attribute that to her, more than him. She's the eldest child, and they tend to be more neat and orderly. She's always been that way.

 

[Arnwyn]

Anyway, what do you think she should have done? Tell the sister that she's totally not feeding her enough food, or just starve and suffer through it knowing that you're not going to be there for very long.

Neither. I agree what a few others said:

I think your wife should have taken care of herself and headed out to a restaurant for dinner or ordered in a pizza.