D&D 5E Advice needed: is it ok to kill a player’s character if he is not there!

[Weiley31]

No unless the player suddenly goes AFK/MIA for years and never even sends a courtesy email/text/or whatever to the DM explaining why they can't attend the sessions anymore or something. And then if suddenly said player appears, reconnects with everybody and returns with no guarantees of not going MIA again, then you can cliche movie plot explain their way of actually surviving and handwave crap.

 

[turnip_farmer]

I feel that no one in this thread has asked the key question: do you like the player?

 

[Swarmkeeper]

I feel that no one in this thread has asked to key question: do you like the player?

Answer to key question:

you guys are all making a lot of sense, and this player means a lot to me...

 

[thom_likes_gaming]

Fwiw, the way you described it, it sounds fine and legit to me. The death and the player's absence are unrelated events.

ok...so yeah, i made a mistake...or im a dick...or whatever...

...how do i fix this?

 

[Reynard]

Killing a PC who is absent, no matter the reason for not being there, is the total opposite of player agency. Terrible DM decision, reverse now and apologize for poor judgement, move on.

Oli disagree. Some players want to let their characters gain XP even during a session they miss and ask another player to.run the character. In.that case the PC is fair game.

 

[EzekielRaiden]

Oli disagree. Some players want to let their characters gain XP even during a session they miss and ask another player to.run the character. In.that case the PC is fair game.

I'd still be pretty leery of permanent death under those circumstances. Yes, there's the understanding that the absent player is trusting the judgment of the acting player. But I've had absences or family emergencies during games before. I'd be pretty mad if I went to go catch my escaped dog and said "you can take my actions for me Carol, don't hold up the combat for this" and then came back to "alright, roll up a new character," which is very nearly what happened here.

I might--MIGHT--see it if it were explicitly laid out that character deaths Just Happen, and it were known that combats can be randomly lethal, and part of the explicit "if you want to get XP while absent" arrangement were that perma-deaths happen with no special treatment. But even then, it's not hard to create a minor safety net without breaking the fiction.

But I'm also the kind of person who hates killing characters outright unless I have a plan for how to leverage that death or restore the character to life (with suitable costs and consequences for having died, naturally). Death itself is a boring consequence. What death does to the character, their buddies and family/friends/allies, and how much it hurts their goals/hopes or helps their enemies/fears, THAT is interesting. How the others deal with it is also interesting. The death itself is just an inciting incident, and one likely to bore at least one participant (the dead PC's player) for at least a portion of time. I can do so much more than just bore them by making it more than just "kay, you died, try again?" A journey through the underworld. A solo vision. A powerful figure snatches away their soul just before death. An ally's secret power is revealed. Etc.

 

[TwoSix]

IMG's when the player isnt present, the PC 'phases out' into the background of the scene or adventure.

If the dude legit had a family issue and legit needed to attend something, then personally I would have quickly done the Ettins turns (they went next anyway) knocked him unconscious and then he could have faded into the background that way.

That's how we do it. The timing (right in the middle of combat) is unfortunate, but I would have just knocked him out and moved on.

In one of my games, the DM has given us the Purple Phial of Plot Protection, which sucks up the PCs of absent players, but lets the PC still see what's going on and gain XP. It's explained in game as the gift of an alchemist friend who periodically needs to do experiments on us.

Honestly, the idea that a player would skip away from the table to avoid an encounter feels ludicrous to me. Game time is precious, characters are ultimately fungible.

 

[fearsomepirate]

ok...so yeah, i made a mistake...or im a dick...or whatever...

...how do i fix this?

Sneaky Steve staggers into the tavern and crumples to the floor. "Rumors of my death have been...mildly...exaggerated," he gasps before passing out.

In the end, it's just a game. If you make a mistake, it's okay to fix it with a joke and a wink.

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

Perhaps I should have rephrased that - I think people do care whether another player frequently misses sessions. As a DM, I know I certainly care (no-shows more than scheduled absences; life comes up, after all). However, I don't think people care if the character just phases out without an in-game reason until the player returns.

As for a scenario where I can't make gaming and I get a text asking me what my character would decide to do, chances are I can't make gaming for a good reason. If I'm on vacation or out to dinner with my wife for an anniversary or somesuch (back when going places was a thing), that's a little bit much, someone bothering me about what my character would do when I'm not even there playing.

Everybody's experience is different, but if it takes the threat of something bad happening to their character to make people show up, that's not a game I want to run. People should want to show up because they're having fun and enjoy the game, not because they fear that their character is going to get killed by a flumph or something.

I care.

In our games, consistency and continuity in the fiction are paramount - as IMO they should be. @pming 's terms is APC, we call them QPCs: Quasi-Player Characters, defined as "a character active in a session at which its player is not present", and if you've got a character in a party and can't make a session, it becomes a QPC for the night. QPCs are halfway between PCs and adventuring NPCs. They still earn xp, take risks, and do whatever else they'd normally do based on their established history and persona.

Also, in these days of always-on 24-7 communication, any really earth-shattering decisions for the QPC can - depending on the real-world situation - often be sorted with a quick text to the player.

Also, contrary to your experience, the risk of bad things happening to your PC if you're not there has IME been something of an incentive to show up.

 

[CleverNickName]

Nah, I wouldn't do it. At my table, those ettins would have grabbed the rogue and stuffed him in a bag, intending to take him back to their lair to properly marinate and slow-roast him or whatever. Not only would that build tension, it would set them up for a rescue mission if the ettins get away.

How to fix it? Well, first check in with the player and see if they want to keep their character (hey, sometimes the answer is "no." Maybe they've got a cool new character idea in the works.) If not...

My favorite way to fix this stuff is with a wish. The party conveniently finds a magical Whatever of One Wish, which they can use to wish their fallen comrade back to life. Then move on.