Am I a "Needy" DM? ;)

[ptolemy18]

I like playing and DMing RPGs. I don't buy more than one new sourcebook every two months or so, and I rarely buy miniatures, and I'm only in one campaign (weekly), so I'm probably pretty mild by the standards of this message board, but I do like them a lot.

I'm currently DMing a weekly campaign... or at least, it's supposed to be weekly. There were originally seven players, but two dropped out (one because he was too busy, the other one because he decided he hated several of the other players for out-of-character personality reasons). Now I have five semi-regular players (one sixth player showed up for two sessions, but then dropped out because he spontaneously decided he'd rather watch TV that night. I just wish he'd given me some warning signs... instead, he had his friend tell me he wasn't gonna show up any more.)

We play on weeknights after work, at my office, and we're all in our late 20s or thereabouts.

Unfortunately, I find that time and again, as with most campaigns I run, I, the DM, always end up being the person who cares the most about the game. I just can't get people to show up consistently. Let me read you a few of the litany of flake-out excuses which have happened... these are divided up among the several different players, of course...

* got too drunk at the company party
* had a doctor's appt. that night, forgot to tell me
* got their work schedule changed to that night, forgot to tell me
* got their work schedule changed AGAIN to ANOTHER night after I changed game nights to accomodate their new work schedule, forgot to tell me
* keeps claiming they're too busy to show up "just this time", but won't actually admit they're dropping out of the game

Now, I myself am a pretty dedicated-slash-insane roleplayer. I tend not to schedule anything else for a night on which I know I'm going to be playing in a game. With five players, I think you can probably play a game if one person drops out (party of 4, okay)... if two people drop out, you're really stretching it (party of 3, eghhh...). Whenever I prepare for a game thinking "Oh, such-and-such character can get involved in such-and-such plotline" and then such-and-such player doesn't show up, I have a wasted plotline on my hands. :/ Of course I can adjust things for whoever shows up, but I feel like I'm wasting my time to set up plots for people who don't show up. Furthermore, when people don't show up to games, I feel like I have to wear kid gloves when running combat, because it seems so mean to kill somebody's character when they're not there... and if I have their PCs be absent for the fight, I have to adjust the whole encounter to make it balanced for a smaller number of people. ("Instead of the six of you being ambushed by twenty bandits... the THREE of you are ambushed by TEN bandits!!") It's like friggin' herding cats to get people to commit to my games. Of course there are some people who are pretty dedicated, but... sigh...

Am I the only DM who feels burned by people not showing up to their games without telling me well in advance? It really bugs me sometime. The rejection! (sob!) I always feel that, as the DM, I'm the person who cares the most about whether the game happens. But obviously I don't want the players to think that I'm desperate or they'll be even less interested in showing up. Most of them are my personal friends in addition to role-players, but I don't want them to go to games just 'cause they think it'll make me happy or some other lame reason like that.

The possible reasons I can think of are:

(1) I'm a bad DM
(2) I'm a bad DM and/or my desperation to get people to show up to my games is showing through and making people less inclined to go to them
(3) I have too many not-really-serious role-players in the group, and I need to trim 'em down so that only the really crazed, dedicated role-players remain (though that'd probably only be about three people besides myself)
(4) Most people in their late 20s-early 30s have too many things like husbands, wives, girlfriends & jobs to commit to a regular RPG, so get used to it
(5) Regardless of their age, it's inevitable that people will flake out, so get used to it

Aggghhhh... anyway. What does everyone think? What should I do? Should I take it as a personal rejection and a waste of my time when games get cancelled due to massive flake-outs? :/

Oversensitively yours,

Jason

 

[Wormwood]

It looks to me like you have found yourself in a 'casual game'.

You have my heartfelt condolences.

In my experience, you face the following (difficult) choice:

1. Cut 'dead weight' from group.
2. Accomodate group's laissez faire attitude.
3. Derive your enjoyment from the preparation stage, rather than the execution stage.

I wish I could be more help, but I'm on my eighth beer of the evening...and the evening is young.

 

[Crothian]

talk to the group, have a sit down and tell them you want them to step up their commitment

 

[IronWolf]

I think Wormwood has hit the nail on the head here. Sounds like you have a casual game, or at least that is what your players think. I know this can be a frustrating experience when people so casually dismiss the game night with other excuses.

It is at this point you just need to figure out what you need to be happy with the game. If this means telling everybody you need to see a higher level of committment to the game then that is probably what you need to do. I think you will have more fun in the end with a smaller group of equally committed players than a larger group of casual gamers, especially if you want more than a casual game.

 

[Doug McCrae]

IMO three hardcore gamers are a lot better than six casual gamers. The DnD game I'm in at the moment has three players plus GM. I love it. We're very regular - 1/week. Everyone turns up. On the very rare occasions someone can't make it we've rescheduled without difficulty. We play for about 10 hours.

 

[Megatron]

I DM for a group that's anywhere between 2 & 6 players. 2 players have been to every single session. I've three or more players at ~10% of the sessions in the last 6 months. I can count on those two players, who in truth are "the group", but from the rest I get excuses a lot worse than those you posted.

I haven't let a 2 person group get in the way, I don't pull punches (actually, I use encounters equal to their level +2) but I also reward them for their dedication whenever I get a chance.

It can be difficult from time to time, but If you just accept what your Core Group is and focus on them you shouldn't have a problem.


excuse any awkwardness or syntax errors, I lurk too much.

 

[diaglo]

6) your dedication is blinding both you and them. you are so driven you make excuses to game. which can be intimidating to them when they have an excuse not to show... but your dedication makes them feel it is too lame to tell you... so they just don't show....

 

[Janx]

Trying to game every week may be pushing it for most adults not in college. There's just a lot going on. Of course, normal adults are capable of having weekly bowling nights for years, so it's a matter of choosing what events you want to spend your time at. I tell my players that my game is as important as any other event. If they disagree, then they're not in my game.

The other variable you've got is high player count. The more people you try to coordinate for a regular event, the harder it is to accommodate their schedules. 4 players is fairly sustainable. More than that easily gets harder, as each one will alternate wil something to skip a session.

NPC-tizing a missing player's character is the standard stick for teaching a player not to miss a game. Hand control to another player and let the dice land where they may. Players who care about their PCs won't risk it. Players who don't, won't last long.

In the beginning of a campaign, when you're just getting your group together, use simpler adventures. Don't focus on single characters. Don't try to do special plot-lines for characters. Wait at least 4 games for that. See who the dedicated players are. Write for the dedicated players. Don't waste time on the slackers, they're just background characters.

Janx

 

[Gredavin]

Janx,

Holy crap, where in the hell did you go? I thought you got vaporized or something
At any rate, long time no see.

Gred

 

[Jolly Giant]

I DM for a group that's anywhere between 2 & 6 players. 2 players have been to every single session. I've three or more players at ~10% of the sessions in the last 6 months. I can count on those two players, who in truth are "the group", but from the rest I get excuses a lot worse than those you posted.

I haven't let a 2 person group get in the way, I don't pull punches (actually, I use encounters equal to their level +2) but I also reward them for their dedication whenever I get a chance.

It can be difficult from time to time, but If you just accept what your Core Group is and focus on them you shouldn't have a problem.

Fortunately, I've not yet been in the situation you describe here, but this sounds like good advice to me!