Announcing ignore lists

[Sacrosanct]

It’s pretty been the unwritten rule that when putting someone on ignore, you didn’t need to announce it. You just put them in ignore, and moved on.
However, with this new forum coding, putting someone on ignore still means they see your posts and continue to quote you. You don’t see those quotes, so it’s like they are having a conversation in the ether, and other people may get the impression that you’re being a jerk because you keep refusing to answer their questions of you because they don’t know you’ve ignored them either.

So with the way the forums work, is there legitimate value in letting someone know you’ve placed them on ignore? I know that doesn’t always help (I’ve had someone who knows I’ve put them on ignore continue to send me PMs and quote my posts all the time, arguing with me knowing I never reply and don’t see them). But in the larger group, letting someone know they have been put on ignore might save them the time of keep quoting you.

 

[Umbran]

So with the way the forums work, is there legitimate value in letting someone know you’ve placed them on ignore?

If you have gone to the point of putting someone on ignore, you have likely already proven that you don't get along well at all. Letting them know about it probably isn't going to end well, largely because nothing between you has been ending well.

However, with this new forum coding, putting someone on ignore still means they see your posts and continue to quote you. You don’t see those quotes, so it’s like they are having a conversation in the ether, and other people may get the impression that you’re being a jerk because you keep refusing to answer their questions of you because they don’t know you’ve ignored them either.

If someone feels entitled to a response from you, they probably already don't have a high opinion of you (see the fact that you don't get along), so the cold shoulder probably isn't going to really change anything. They'll probably eventually get that you don't respond to them, and wander off in search of someone who will engage.

And, as for third parties... who does that? Who keeps a spreadsheet of who is and isn't responding to whom, and assigning character flaws based on it? That's some really obsessive, toxic stuff, there. If you find someone who does that, please let us know because someone needs to have a chat with them about pleasant conversations on websites...

The general rule is that you don't announce it publicly, because it amounts to an ad hominem argument - "You are personally so bad I will no longer listen to you... and neither should anyone else!"

If you really want to inform someone in private, by PM, you can try it. Maybe, sometimes, that'll end in a discussion about how they didn't realize how they came across to you, and that'd be helpful. But generally.. be prepared for it to be an angry rebuff.

In the end, the ignore list isn't about changing their behavior. It is about controlling your own experience.

 

[Sacrosanct]

Most of the people on my ignore list I don’t have a personal problem with. There are many reasons why someone puts another on an ignore list.

 

[Morrus]

It’s just getting the last word in and then leaving. No need for it.

I get the temptation of the parting blow; there are people I put on ignore just to keep my sanity. It’s hard to resist the temptation, but no good has ever come of it.

 

[Morrus]

In the end, the ignore list isn't about changing their behavior. It is about controlling your own experience.

Perfect summary.

 

[Bawylie]

I don’t keep track of who ignores whom. And I don’t think it’s rude if someone doesn’t respond.

Forum enables communication; doesn’t mandate it.

Free association is best.

 

[Deset Gled]

It’s just getting the last word in and then leaving. No need for it.

I get the temptation of the parting blow; there are people I put on ignore just to keep my sanity. It’s hard to resist the temptation, but no good has ever come of it.

That's actually the reason why I don't like new policy allowing a poster to ask someone not to respond to them (talked about in this thread: Ignore?). To me, it just feels like a way to make the last jab, now enforceable by mods.

 

[billd91]

That's actually the reason why I don't like new policy allowing a poster to ask someone not to respond to them (talked about in this thread: Ignore?). To me, it just feels like a way to make the last jab, now enforceable by mods.

Yeah, that just seem to call attention to it. "I'm ignoring yew!"

 

[R_J_K75]

Theres been threads Ive participated in/read that just degenerate into arguments. Ive been tempted more than once to really let lose but chose it best not to and just ignored the thread, stopped posting on it and unwatched it. No ignore button necessary I just move on with my life.

 

[Umbran]

That's actually the reason why I don't like new policy allowing a poster to ask someone not to respond to them (talked about in this thread: Ignore?). To me, it just feels like a way to make the last jab, now enforceable by mods.

Given that, since the day I said I'd be trying the policy, not a single person has asked for it, I don't see as there's much problem.

 

[CapnZapp]

It’s pretty been the unwritten rule that when putting someone on ignore, you didn’t need to announce it. You just put them in ignore, and moved on.

I was under the impression it was actually considered bad form to announce your ignores. (Might be that another forum actively sanctioned you for doing that)

(I’ve had someone who knows I’ve put them on ignore continue to send me PMs and quote my posts all the time, arguing with me knowing I never reply and don’t see them).

But how do one know if you have been put on ignore, if putting someone on ignore still means they see your posts and continue to quote you?

 

[Sacrosanct]

I was under the impression it was actually considered bad form to announce your ignores. (Might be that another forum actively sanctioned you for doing that)

unwritten rule means no official rule. Meaning you can't be sanctioned for it, so no, I was never sanctioned for declaring I'm putting someone on ignore. Unwritten rule means a social understanding to do or not do something.

But how do one know if you have been put on ignore, if putting someone on ignore still means they see your posts and continue to quote you?

That's the whole point of my post. How does one know, unless you tell them? That person I was referencing does know, because I have told them. Then when they PM'd me lamenting it, I told them again, so they now decide to quote me in just about every thread I post in to argue with me, knowing that I have them on ignore. Why? Ask them. The only reason I know is because other posters have made comments about "Oh, so and so already said that" so I clicked "view ignored content" only to find out said person keeps doing it to get jibes in knowing they will never be called out for it.

 

[Sacrosanct]

That's actually the reason why I don't like new policy allowing a poster to ask someone not to respond to them (talked about in this thread: Ignore?). To me, it just feels like a way to make the last jab, now enforceable by mods.

Currently, with how it's set up now, people do get the last jab. Well, not really last, because they keep jabbing. As I mentioned just above, I have a poster who constantly quotes me to argue in bath faith to get a jab in, but since they are on my ignore, it's done without reproach and the only way I found out was if something happens to be said by other posters to prompt me to click the "see ignored content" option.

I don't know what the solution is.

 

[Lanefan]

I don't know what the solution is.

Dunno if this would work for you, but my solution is and always has been to never 'ignore' anyone.

Not that I haven't been tempted now and then, mind you...

 

[Deset Gled]

I don't know what the solution is.

In the current system, the best option is probably to leave them off your ignore list, and immediately ask them to stop responding to your posts in each individual thread.

 

[Umbran]

unwritten rule means no official rule. Meaning you can't be sanctioned for it...

Mod Note:

Um... no.

That isn't how EN World Rules work. In fact, over time, we have dinged several people over how they have announced their ignores.

We have only a few basic rules: Keep it civil. Keep it clean. Keep it on topic. Keep it inclusive. These are broad. We have some specific points we call out, like "No religion, no politics", but the list of specific prohibitions is not to be considered comprehensive.

The overall "Keep it civil" is always in force. A poster could be rude in a bazillion ways - it would not be possible for us to list all of them. If, in announcing that you're ignoring someone, we feel that you're being excessively rude, you may see moderator action.

 

[Umbran]

I don't know what the solution is.

The solution is to recognize that in somewhat public spaces, you don't get to control others, and that largely... there's no need to.

The feeling that there's a problem if you don't respond to statements is a figment of our psychology that does not match practical reality. This is the internet, and there are enough people out here that the expectation that you can respond to all of them is not a reasonable one. Some, you will need to just let go unanswered.

If you can't let some of them go... that's not healthy. Don't do that to yourself.

 

[LordEntrails]

so they now decide to quote me in just about every thread I post in to argue with me, knowing that I have them on ignore. Why? Ask them. The only reason I know is because other posters have made comments about "Oh, so and so already said that" so I clicked "view ignored content" only to find out said person keeps doing it to get jibes in knowing they will never be called out for it.

Why would you care? You have ignored them because you chose not to be aware of what they are posting. So again, why would you care what they have said?

So what if a 3rd party says X has already said that? You dont have to reply to 3rd party. It doesnt matter.

Everything you dont like has a solution. Ignore it. Even if someone you have ignored PMs you, ask them not to or simple dont read their posts. If you have to, report it to a mod.