Anyone else trying to write a book?

[ssampier]

I have 'puttering around for years trying to write mine. I think two things are "holding me back": discipline and I am not sure how to end it.

I think it's therapeutic to write, but I read my stuff days or weeks later, I think it's trash.

 

[mojo1701]

I would like some opinions about this paragraph:

What is happening is the boy is preparing for his elementary school graduation, and his family is getting ready, too. His mom is insisting to straighten his tie:

“Mom, it’s fine. I don’t want it short. It’ll make me seem… round.” Steven wasn’t round, but he could be mistaken for being round if it was accentuated. He had light brown hair and blue eyes. Everyone in his family had blue eyes. His father had a nickname at work because of his blue eyes: Ol’ Blue Eyes, but that nickname didn’t carry over anywhere else, and it hadn’t spread too much at his work, either.

 

[reveal]

I would like some opinions about this paragraph:

What is happening is the boy is preparing for his elementary school graduation, and his family is getting ready, too. His mom is insisting to straighten his tie:

“Mom, it’s fine. I don’t want it short. It’ll make me seem… round.” Steven wasn’t round, but he could be mistaken for being round if it was accentuated. He had light brown hair and blue eyes. Everyone in his family had blue eyes. His father had a nickname at work because of his blue eyes: Ol’ Blue Eyes, but that nickname didn’t carry over anywhere else, and it hadn’t spread too much at his work, either.

Well, I'm not a writer but here is my opinion.

It's a good paragraph. It gives a lot of useful information and lets you know the character better. However, it's not great.

- What does round mean? Is it fat? Does he think of himself as fat?
- His hair and eye color have nothing to do with his shape. I would separate them into two paragraphs.
- The phrase "blue eyes" is used too much.
- The nickname seems out of place. Only people at work call him that and, even there, not many people do.

Perhaps something like this:

"Mom, it's fine. I don't want it short. It makes me look....round." Steven wasn't fat but, if accentuated, he could be mistaken for being round.

His had light brown hair, like his mom, and his eyes were blue, a trait shared by all of his family members. At the office, his father had earned the nickname "Ol' Blue Eyes."

 

[GrayIguana]

Writing Resource

Josh

Here's a place I go to occassionally for some inspiration. It is a on-line writers workshop, and there are many links to articles that I have found helpful.

http://www.critters.org/

 

[mojo1701]

Well, I'm not a writer but here is my opinion.

It's a good paragraph. It gives a lot of useful information and lets you know the character better. However, it's not great.

- What does round mean? Is it fat? Does he think of himself as fat?
- His hair and eye color have nothing to do with his shape. I would separate them into two paragraphs.
- The phrase "blue eyes" is used too much.
- The nickname seems out of place. Only people at work call him that and, even there, not many people do.

Perhaps something like this:

"Mom, it's fine. I don't want it short. It makes me look....round." Steven wasn't fat but, if accentuated, he could be mistaken for being round.

His had light brown hair, like his mom, and his eyes were blue, a trait shared by all of his family members. At the office, his father had earned the nickname "Ol' Blue Eyes."

Well, he's not exactly lean, but he thinks he would seem round with a short tie. You're right about the eyes thing, though. I missed that. Thanks.