Are gamers really that pathetic?

[WizarDru]

the happiest years of my life were when i was in single digit ages. i don't understand why people feel it's all tragic and sad when kids die. kids who die before the age of 10 are the luckiest people in the world, they don't have to deal with all the crap of puberty or caring about whether the opposite sex likes them, they never have to face all the cruel realities of a horrible world, they never have to have responsibility or any of the other things that make life suck.

Hida, seriously, seek professional medical help. If the first doctor didn't help you, seek a different one. This is a cry for help, if I've ever heard one. As a father of two, I can assure you that there is no thought more horrific to me than seeing harm or death befall my children. Your experience is not normal, and sounds more like clinical depression or the depressive end of a manic/depressive state. There is truth in the phrase , "Where there is life, there is hope". Things can and do change for the better.

Just this weekend, I met with a friend I hadn't seen in twenty years (literally). He apologized for his behavior from then, explaining how manic depression had driven him away from everyone. I told him no apologies were necessary, I was just sad for the time lost. Some of the biggest 'losers' I knew from my high school days are now some of the most stable married folk or families I know. You can join their ranks....it may take time, but it can and does happen, regularly.

 

[Jeremy Ackerman-Yost]

Wise words, there. Just the other day, in a political debate that I have no business explaining here, I came to the conclusion (and said as much) that in Western Civilization today, we actually have very few true adults. We do, however, have a lot of self-serving, overgrown spoiled brats who don't understand that they shouldn't really just do whatever the heck they feel like, or get bent out of shape when it doesn't work out for them to try whatever the heck they feel like.

Indeed. Sounds like it was a fun discussion.

I would argue that complete lack of psychologically significant rites of passage and the aforementioned refusal of parents to allow their children independence are among the proximate causes.

Nothing irks me more than bad parenting, and the world is rife with it. I'm terrified of that responsibility, not least because I run the risk of becoming a big, fat hypocrite.

 

[LiKral]

Hida Bukkorosu

Remember that 2 weeks is a very short time. Dating is a complex topic and many books have been written on it. There is no simple way of getting the opposite gender to like you. You won't get far in romance if you are smelly and untidy, but conversely, neat and clean people are not guaranteed love.

It sounds like you need to sort your life out a little before you start seriously looking for anyone. Dating involves rejection, even for the most popular people. It sounds like you would find rejection hard to take. You need to get your self-esteem and depression sorted out before taking a big ego risk I think.

As I said before, see a different doctor and tell him what you told this group. Tell him that you are so depressed that you are not sure if you want to live, and he will probably give you medication or counselling. Take the pills for a good long while and if they don't work, don't just give up, but return to the doctor and explain that they don't work. Different medication works for different people and you will probably need to try more than one before you get one that works.

One of the main symptoms of depression is not believing anything can help, that everything is pointless, and will never get better. Don't listen to it. It is part of the illness.

Try reading up on depression on the internet. Here is a website to start you, but there are probably lots better ones:
http://health.yahoo.com/health/centers/depression/index.html

It sounds like you need someone to talk to about the problems in your life. Email me at LiKral@hotmail.com if you are comfortable with that.

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

yeah, and how am i supposed to pay for all this medication? plus, time is running out. its probably already too late. see i read this book about guys like me, guys like me, if we don't get any by 30, we probably never will.

see, it isnt a chemical problem. it's circumstancial. i'm depressed because i have a reason to be depressed, the fact that it's not likely ill ever get laid. im depressed because the one thing i want so desperately, that i've wanted desperately since i was about 15, i'll never have. i'm a victim of decisions made in the past, that cost me certain vital experiences in my youth, decisions which made sense at the time but ultimately culminated in the sad pathetic life i live today.

i suppose a lot of it is my own "fault", as much as anything is anyone's "fault" (really, we just do what our inborn personalities predetermine us to do in reaction to circumstances based on information at hand) for wasting those cruicial youthful years on r******n, which creeped in through the cracks in my self-esteem inflicted by middle school and proceeded to convince me i was utterly worthless and the only point in living was to look forward to the a*******e.

is there any fix that doesn't involve spending obscene amounts of money on therapy or medication? or r*******n, i've tried that, it only served to heap guilt on me and make me more depressed.

 

[WizarDru]

yeah, and how am i supposed to pay for all this medication? plus, time is running out. its probably already too late. see i read this book about guys like me, guys like me, if we don't get any by 30, we probably never will.

Assuming you have no medical insurance, there are plenty of free support groups that can help. A simple google of the health and human services in your area should help.

Maybe part of the problem here is the goal. It sounds like you're not looking for a relationship, you're thinking purely in terms of sex. That's fine, but understand that if what you're really looking for is a shallow encounter for physical gratification, the rules change. People looking for one-night-stands put pure emphasis on the physical. You need to start getting regular exercise, regular hygiene, dressing clean and neat and working on social skills.

Your theory appears to be: "why bother, when no one notices when I DO take care of these things?" The fact is, those aren't guarantees...they're the cost of admission into the game. If you really desire companionship so desperately, pursue the goals aggresively. I recently decided to stop drinking soda, as part of my goal to lose weight. I started attending a gym. It wasn't always easy, but I did it. I haven't lost much weight, yet, but I'm getting there.

If it's not a chemical imbalance, then it can be done, if you put your mind to it.

 

[Tinker Gnome]

Well this thread certainly has taken an interesting direction. I do not really see the big deal about having to have a girlfriend or even be married by a certain age is, I myself never plan to get married or even really have a girlfriend. Granted this is just me, and I am a bit weird.

Hida, I do reccommend you see another doctor about your problem, I admit I am terrible at giving advice, but please do so soon.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Hida, have you considered other people you could talk to?

I don't know your age or your religious preferences, but I have occasionally turned to my priest to discuss things with, even things like you're talking about in this thread.

You might ask yourself what a priest would know about "real life."

You might be surprised. Many priests have done things you or I will never do. One I have known for 20 years was a sergeant in the Hungarian Army in the 1950's when the Russians rolled in and decided to stay. He knows a thing or two about "real life."

And priests don't cost money!

 

[LiKral]

yeah, and how am i supposed to pay for all this medication? plus, time is running out. its probably already too late. see i read this book about guys like me, guys like me, if we don't get any by 30, we probably never will.

You know that is not true, lots of people lose their virginity when they are older. They just don't admit to it! Would you?

see, it isnt a chemical problem. it's circumstancial. i'm depressed because i have a reason to be depressed, the fact that it's not likely ill ever get laid. im depressed because the one thing i want so desperately, that i've wanted desperately since i was about 15, i'll never have. i'm a victim of decisions made in the past, that cost me certain vital experiences in my youth, decisions which made sense at the time but ultimately culminated in the sad pathetic life i live today.

is there any fix that doesn't involve spending obscene amounts of money on therapy or medication? or r*******n, i've tried that, it only served to heap guilt on me and make me more depressed.

WizardDru is right. Dress well (clean clothes, no holes, no geeky logos). Keep in shape (jogging and sit-ups cost nothing) and wash regularly. Get a haircut that suits you. Not only will this attract girls, it will give you confidence in your own attractiveness.

I think you are looking for excuses to fail, because you are so used to failing that you are scared of success. Try reading confidence boosting self-help books (Get them from the library). They are cheesy but often inspiring. They show you that people can change.

Other options:

Join a group for people with low self-confidence. See your university counseller. He should be able to point you towards an appropriate group.

Join a sports society with women in it. Not only will this get you in shape, but it will also help you meet girls better than the RPG society.

And above all remember to talk to girls. Don't sit in the corner staring at your drink. Get out there and chat to girls. Even if they are not interested, this will give you valuable experience in interacting with females.

 

[Faerl'Elghinn]

the happiest years of my life were when i was in single digit ages. i don't understand why people feel it's all tragic and sad when kids die. kids who die before the age of 10 are the luckiest people in the world, they don't have to deal with all the crap of puberty or caring about whether the opposite sex likes them, they never have to face all the cruel realities of a horrible world, they never have to have responsibility or any of the other things that make life suck.

Hey, man- I've felt like that before. I'm on an SSRI, but I still have recursions of those feelings sometimes. Let me clue you in on a little secret: even people who have had success with the opposite sex look at other guys and say, "Oh, woe is me- I'm not as attractive and interesting as that other guy. Why do I always get the short end of the stick?"

As a child, I was somewhat of a prodigy. I learned to read fluently at the age of three, by which time I spoke in clear, concise English, and had a complete understanding of many advanced concepts. At four, I was chosen from among several candidates to attend a special education preschool as a teacher's aid, to help tutor mentally handicapped children. When it was time for me to go to school, many of the top local private schools were vying for my attendance. By the end of Kindergarten, I had finished my fourth grade Phonics book, and was several years ahead of all of the other children in all areas.

Amidst all this glory, I discovered the seedy underbelly of reality. Although I was a friendly, attractive, intelligent child, some of the other children went to great lengths to humiliate me at every opportunity. I was suffering constant abuse and ridicule which often met the approval of my teachers. What was worse, I began to exhibit signs of dyslexia and ADD, but because I was able to compensate for them through sheer intellect, these problems went entirely overlooked, and I was often held to a higher standard than the other children, one up to which I could not always live due to my developing disorders.

By the fourth grade, I was at a loss. I couldn't focus long enough to perform many of my assignments, and my grades began to decline. By the sixth grade, I was failing classes, smoking cigarettes, and using drugs and alcohol to try and alleviate some of the adversity from my classmates. I began using terms such as "ain't", as well as a nearly constant stream of expletives to mask the fact that I was different.

Through all this, I occasionally showed a glimmer of my former brilliance through outstanding and virtually unmatched academic performance. When I went to take the entrance exams for the local private high schools, I scored high enough to merit an academic scholarship, despite the fact that I had never learned much of the material presented. As a freshman, I rarely completed a homework assignment, as my OCD (a new development) and ADD prevented me from maintaining focus when left to my own devices. The assignments I did complete, however, were often scored higher than anyone else's. My test scores were virtually always at the top of the curve, allowing me to maintain passing grades in most of my classes, despite the fact that I rarely completed my homework or even bothered to learn much of the material.

I had once had a dream that I was a shining star, but one day I woke up and realized that I had become a clinging piece of poop in the butt hair of the world. By the age of sixteen, I was a virtual dropout, attending home school somewhat halfheartedly, maintaining a full-time job in a restaurant, and drinking until I vomited on a daily basis. I used any drug I could find, including but not limited to crack, paint, and LSD. I rarely ate, often failed to report home, and was involved in several violent confrontations with my father, twice resulting in his hospitalization and once resulting in my indictment.

Yes, I had a few very attractive girlfriends. I had long hair, was fairly handsome although very thin, played guitar, wrote poetry, and had a beautiful singing voice (reminiscent of Daniel Johns of Silverchair, although I could emulate various others almost perfectly, such as Chris Cornell, Maynard James Keenan, and James Taylor. Yeah, I'm that good). The trouble was, I wasn't socially assertive enough to pursue my musical interests with any great success. Whenever I underwent a breakup (which was inevitable in those days, due to my complete lack of self esteem), I withdrew from society for months at a time, writing endless streams of dismal poetry and contemplating suicide.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I nearly partied myself to death, but chanced upon a wonderful woman who has now borne me three children (son Sebastian Alexander Spitzig born 8/20/04!!) and been my wife for the last six years. She has helped me through many of my issues (including but not limited to manic depression [borderline schizophrenia], agoraphobia, and xenophobia), and I am now well on my way to recovery, although I still need to take the plunge into psychiatric care. I work in a factory under a man who can barely spell his own name, much less understand many of the complexities of lithograph printing, which is what I do. Oh, yeah, and I've been a hardcore D&Der for the last 13 years.

My advice to you is this: Look down at your feet. Now reach down and grab your proverbial bootstraps, and yank as hard as you can. If you need a friend, drop me a line. If you have one, talk to him and tell him that you need some support to get your life in order. Maybe there's even a woman out there for you, but she sure as hell isn't interested in a guy who doesn't seem to care about himself at all. If not, well- women aren't always all they're cracked up to be... Get up right now, and go and take a look in the mirror. Smile, even if it makes you want to cry (that's what it used to do to me). Think to yourself "That's what I'd look like if I were happy. I want to look like that." Above all, remember that somebody does care about what happens to you. It's me.

Edit: corrected spelling of "remeniscent" to "reminiscent".

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

You know that is not true, lots of people lose their virginity when they are older. They just don't admit to it! Would you?

yeah, but i'm talking specifically about shy people like me.

WizardDru is right. Dress well (clean clothes, no holes, no geeky logos). Keep in shape (jogging and sit-ups cost nothing) and wash regularly. Get a haircut that suits you. Not only will this attract girls, it will give you confidence in your own attractiveness.

as far as how i dress, i want someone who wants the real me, not some fake person i'm pretending to be. what it seems is that the real me is someone who girls aren't attracted to, at least not the kind of girls i'm attracted to.

as far as jogging and situps, they cost time spent doing something i don't enjoy as well as more importantly, discomfort. in order to make myself do something like that and stick to it for more than like a day or two, i would need some kind of IMMEDIATE gain to make it feel worth the effort.

i guess that's in general how i see life. too much work for too little reward. life requires way too much effort, and there's not enough good things about life to make it feel like it's worth all the work.

I think you are looking for excuses to fail, because you are so used to failing that you are scared of success. Try reading confidence boosting self-help books (Get them from the library). They are cheesy but often inspiring. They show you that people can change.

Other options:

Join a group for people with low self-confidence. See your university counseller. He should be able to point you towards an appropriate group.

that might be an option if i can find something like that.

Join a sports society with women in it. Not only will this get you in shape, but it will also help you meet girls better than the RPG society.

but i'm not into sports.

And above all remember to talk to girls. Don't sit in the corner staring at your drink. Get out there and chat to girls. Even if they are not interested, this will give you valuable experience in interacting with females.

i can't just go up and start talking to some strange girl, no matter how much i'd like to... i'm just too afraid...

as far as talking to a priest/preacher/whatever, i'm not going to go into why that wouldn't work for me because i'm pretty sure it would count as religious discussion.

as far as looking in the mirror and smiling, my forced smiles look terrible.

i suppose, from an objective viewpoint, it's best for the world (other than myself) that someone like me has their self-esteem crushed. i mean, if I was truly able to realise my childhood dreams, I'd be bringing much suffering upon the world under my despotic regime. there'd be all sorts of suffering and death because of my wars of conquest. but because i have no self-confidence, i can't realise my desires. i think they recognised this and that's why everyone from teachers on down to students conspired to destroy me. because i was a threat, my intelligence combined with my resistance to conformity made me dangerous. but my emotional instability made me an easy target.