Agreed here. Though I think sometimes the comment made in red text can come across a bit snarky even if it's not intended to be and that can lend toward escalating the situation. IMO. There's a big difference in how a person will react to 'you did X' and 'it really comes across that you were doing X.'
There
can be a big difference, sometimes. Others, not so much.
Indeed, you'll note that the two constructions are relying on different things: One relies on The Rules (you did X, and X is not allowed). The other really relies on the person caring how they come across to others.
Folks in the middle of an argument often
do not care in that moment how they come across. Indeed, if that was a primary concern, the problem usually wouldn't have happened!
I guess the best way to say this is to just ask if you've ever considered anything like that before?
Of course. And, indeed, we don't word things in the same way all the time. What I have found is... there's no perfect wording. Indeed, a wording that was successful with one person once may fail with that same person at a later time, in a different situation. We pick approaches as best we can.
There are also some practical limitations here. We are working asynchronously. We are going to leave a note, and the person to whom it is directed may not see it for a half hour, and we might not be back on the boards for hours after that. If we are too direct, it may cheese off a poster at us. If we are insufficiently imperative, the poster may not alter course sufficiently to avoid further issues, and things will escalate while we are not around.