Bad RPG Poetry Competition

[Sialia]

In honor of my birthday (which is today) I am sponsoring a Bad Poetry Competition.

Rules are:

1. Must be your own work
2. Must be RPG related in subject matter
3. Must pass Grandma rule

The author of my favorite piece of awful verse will get to request one illustration, which I will attempt, and post here when I have completed it as a jpg no bigger than 600x600 pixels.

I am the sole judge and arbiter of this competiton, because it's my birthday.

Amuse the heck out of me.

Suggested (but not required) themes for this year's poems include:

transparency
immolation
rebirth
hubris
culmination
flight
woolly mammoths

 

[Chingerspy]

Hey you asked for it! Happy birthday!!! and "enjoy"

Shielded here I be,
where the Orc no longer roam.
Alone I am and fear has come,
I wish he hadn't bested me.

I have travelled far and wide,
'cross both hill and grove.
She whispers to guide me home,
Oh how I long for my Love.

She stands there now,
no more than yards away from me.
Please god give me strength,
I darn't remove this cloak of invisibility.

 

[Len]

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Don't get eaten by zombies
Happy Birthday to you

 

[Sialia]

Awwww. . . how sweet.

Good on, both of you.

Many thanks for your gifts.

 

[Chingerspy]

And another, damn my creative spark this evening... lucky you!

We're off to see the mammoth!
We're gonna cut off its tusks!
Poor ol' Jim has lost his ahem...
So cutting the tusks is now a must!

We're off to see the cleric!
We're gonna give him the tusks!
He'll grind them up good.
Grind them until they're dust!

We're off to prepare the potion!
The potions made of dust, and stuff!
We didn't think it'd be green...
Oh man Jims gonna be rough!

We're off to deliver the potion!
The potion to save Jims lust!
He'll swig it down quick...
We really hope he's not sick!

We're watching Jim drink the potion!
The potion made from mammoth tusk!
Oh dear Jims drunk it all...
Please someone save us from his lust!

 

[yangnome]

OK, how about a haiku to start things off...Happy B-Day


Poor little halfling
Victim of the mind flayer
pint sized candy dish

 

[wormwort]

I hope your Grandma won't object to a little cranial trauma in her poetry.



A Psion’s Promise

My mind attains a transparent quality

As I seek to immolate the metaphoric sun

With a phoenix-like rebirth of powers

Of the purest fiery hubris

The ultimate culmination of my quest

By a flight of telekinetically

Flung woolly mammoths

I will crush your very skull

 

[Eli-kun]

Bad poetry is fun.


Ale mead beer drink chug
To be a Drunken Master
Dwarf is now faster

 

[Sialia]

Overachievers, the lot of you.

 

[Chingerspy]

You'll pay for that comment!

Give me the pen!
I need to scribe the spell.
No old man, NO!
I have a tale to tell...

I give you warning son,
that pen by force or reason,
will be mine again, oh yes.
Less I blast you into last season!

Your words frighten me not old man...
BUZZZ ZAAAP KERRACK BOOOM !
Ha ha you see my son
Little respect for me seals your doom!