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Bad RPG Poetry Competition

Sialia

First Post
In honor of my birthday (which is today) I am sponsoring a Bad Poetry Competition.

Rules are:

1. Must be your own work
2. Must be RPG related in subject matter
3. Must pass Grandma rule

The author of my favorite piece of awful verse will get to request one illustration, which I will attempt, and post here when I have completed it as a jpg no bigger than 600x600 pixels.

I am the sole judge and arbiter of this competiton, because it's my birthday.

Amuse the heck out of me.

Suggested (but not required) themes for this year's poems include:

transparency
immolation
rebirth
hubris
culmination
flight
woolly mammoths
 

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Chingerspy

First Post
Hey you asked for it! Happy birthday!!! and "enjoy" ;)

Shielded here I be,
where the Orc no longer roam.
Alone I am and fear has come,
I wish he hadn't bested me.

I have travelled far and wide,
'cross both hill and grove.
She whispers to guide me home,
Oh how I long for my Love.

She stands there now,
no more than yards away from me.
Please god give me strength,
I darn't remove this cloak of invisibility.
 

Len

Prodigal Member
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Don't get eaten by zombies
Happy Birthday to you
 


Chingerspy

First Post
And another, damn my creative spark this evening... lucky you! :)

We're off to see the mammoth!
We're gonna cut off its tusks!
Poor ol' Jim has lost his ahem...
So cutting the tusks is now a must!

We're off to see the cleric!
We're gonna give him the tusks!
He'll grind them up good.
Grind them until they're dust!

We're off to prepare the potion!
The potions made of dust, and stuff!
We didn't think it'd be green...
Oh man Jims gonna be rough!

We're off to deliver the potion!
The potion to save Jims lust!
He'll swig it down quick...
We really hope he's not sick!

We're watching Jim drink the potion!
The potion made from mammoth tusk!
Oh dear Jims drunk it all...
Please someone save us from his lust!

;)
 

yangnome

First Post
OK, how about a haiku to start things off...Happy B-Day


Poor little halfling
Victim of the mind flayer
pint sized candy dish
 
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wormwort

First Post
I hope your Grandma won't object to a little cranial trauma in her poetry.



A Psion’s Promise

My mind attains a transparent quality

As I seek to immolate the metaphoric sun

With a phoenix-like rebirth of powers

Of the purest fiery hubris

The ultimate culmination of my quest

By a flight of telekinetically

Flung woolly mammoths

I will crush your very skull
 



Chingerspy

First Post
You'll pay for that comment!

Give me the pen!
I need to scribe the spell.
No old man, NO!
I have a tale to tell...

I give you warning son,
that pen by force or reason,
will be mine again, oh yes.
Less I blast you into last season!

Your words frighten me not old man...
BUZZZ ZAAAP KERRACK BOOOM !
Ha ha you see my son
Little respect for me seals your doom!

;)
 

Crothian

First Post
It slide up to the library
presenting its library card
The librarian looked on in shock
for he looked like a pile of lard

"I have come to read some books," it said
"on keeping my abode clean.
It seems that I disolve furniture
But not bacteriaria unseen."

The Librarian looked down on the ooze
with a look of great disgust
she couldn't understand why it
felt that cleaning was a must

still she allowed the ooze in
with out conflict or a fight
she had to see how an ooze could read
it was a most interesting sight.

:D
 

yangnome

First Post
and a sonnet (Shakespearean):

Alone in a tavern sipping on ale,
an old man wanders in looking for aid.
He needs heroes that will help him prevail
in rescuing his daughter, a fair maid.

An evil red dragon with brimstone breath
captured the young girl and locked her away.
It holds her for randsom, vile behemoth
threatens to torch her by end of the day.

We set out right then for the dragon's lair
to save the girl from the foul tempered beast.
A firey blast met me, it singed my hair;
there stood the foul dragon ready to feast.


I dodged its bite, ran it through with my sword,
saved the girl and made off with the beast's hoarde.
 

Sialia

First Post
It occurs to me I should set a deadline for this.

Let's call it for Sunday, 5pm, CA time. That'll give me some time to review the entries and pick my favorite (which I can tell already is going to be hard) before Monday morning.
 

BSF

Explorer
I'm not sure I can come up with some poetry, but I will still wish our lovely Sialia a spectacular birthday.
 

yangnome

First Post
a weak attempt at concrete poetry:

concreteflayer.jpg
 


Dragonhelm

Knight of Solamnia
The Ballod of Brother Jim

How about a Bard on the Run, based on actual events?

To the tune of The Ballod of Jed Clampett, with apologies to Flatt and Scruggs.

Come 'n listen to my story about a man named Jim
Half a dozen characters named after him
Then one day Jim got a chick in bed
Fumbled on the 30-sider, much to his dread

Turtlin', that is.
Bad rogue
Charisma 3

Jim was the flim flam man
Fooled the DM just because he can
64 shuriken he did throw
All in a round, in our backs. Oh no!

Dead meat. Seein' stars.


Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Brother Jim
I think we've had quite enough of him
The last time that Jim was ever seen
He was hiding behind his Player's Screen

By himself, that is. Cast a spell. Take your helm off.
Y'all come back now, y'hear! :D
 
Last edited:

Roudi

First Post
The Outcast.

The Outcast

Invisible up against ebony,
The hooded cloak protects the wanderer
From the stabbing light of truth. There’s wonder
Still in his wild hopes, too precious to be
Shattered by the blinding fire of reality.
Homeless, for it was consumed in fire,
And flame will engulf anything darker
Than rational light. He was forced to flee.
Onward through darkness the lone outcast went,
Towards a land he knows does not exist,
Towards the hope of a land of freedom.
Thoughts of his home turn his hand to a fist.
He recalls the light from which he was sent,
For he believed in a land of freedom.
 

rbingham2000

Explorer
Roudi said:
The Outcast

Invisible up against ebony,
The hooded cloak protects the wanderer
From the stabbing light of truth. There’s wonder
Still in his wild hopes, too precious to be
Shattered by the blinding fire of reality.
Homeless, for it was consumed in fire,
And flame will engulf anything darker
Than rational light. He was forced to flee.
Onward through darkness the lone outcast went,
Towards a land he knows does not exist,
Towards the hope of a land of freedom.
Thoughts of his home turn his hand to a fist.
He recalls the light from which he was sent,
For he believed in a land of freedom.
Damn! Now that is good! That's inspiration for a character right there.
 
Last edited:

Rel

Liquid Awesome
I just posted this a few days ago in the "Why do you game?" thread. So I figured why not.

Why do I game?
T'ain't no mystery.
I've got me an interest
in Fantasy and History.

I like to tell tales
of Heroes and Villians.
To eat fatty foods
and just do some chillin'.

My PC's kill monsters
and take all their stuff.
It keeps me from feeling
frustrated and gruff.

I love to run games
and feel "Dungeon Masterly".
And if I do it right,
they call me "rat-bastardly".

Plus I get to collect
books, dice and minis
of Orcs, Trolls and Goblins
in chainmail bikinis.

I like to take time
to hand out with friends
and gaming is a fabulous
means to that end.

It gives me something to do
when I'm feeling lazy.
Why do I game?

Hell, maybe I'm crazy!
 

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