Drizzle, drazzle, drozzle, drone,
Your nose is tiny for a gnome...
Your nose is tiny for a gnome...
Bard Performance: Rhyming Insults
Ma'am, your visage makes me woozy
You look a cross twixt flumpfh and cooshee.
You impress me with your might
Like an ogre...but half as bright.
In brightest day or blackest night
No one should witness such a sight
Let all who quaver with mildest frights
View not thy visage, thy face of blight
You look a cross twixt flumpfh and cooshee.
You impress me with your might
Like an ogre...but half as bright.
In brightest day or blackest night
No one should witness such a sight
Let all who quaver with mildest frights
View not thy visage, thy face of blight
With squinty eyes and hair so thin
A wit war with me you think you'd win?
You look the child of cousins mated
Your wardrobe old, worn and dated
Your breath's enough to make one sick
Your wit so feeble, Orcs think you thick
Your visage is so warped and poxy
No fee can win you any doxy
But that's no loss to womankind
Your codpiece hides naught to find.
A wit war with me you think you'd win?
You look the child of cousins mated
Your wardrobe old, worn and dated
Your breath's enough to make one sick
Your wit so feeble, Orcs think you thick
Your visage is so warped and poxy
No fee can win you any doxy
But that's no loss to womankind
Your codpiece hides naught to find.
Thunderfoot
Hero
Buckets 'o blood I doth declare, is that a mop on your head or your scraggly hair?
Swords are sharp and clubs are blunt, your father's an ogre and your mother's a runt... (ha, betcha thought that one was goin South didncha?)
I met a young woman with hate on her mind, so I gave her drink and let her unwind. I asked why my dear are you so very blue, she said she just got through looking at you... Why again I asked, is that such a bother, because she replied he looks like his father. And? I did query her words pulling me closer, because it's a fact, his father's an ogre...
2 pence, 6 pence 8 pence, a dollar, your ugly face would make a saint holler.
Sing a song of six pence a pocket full of rye, you've chosen to do battle so now you're going to die. My armor's nice and shiny while yours is dingy brown, so I slice your outsides open and spill your innards on the ground.
Winner, Winner, *orc is what's for dinner! *(orc can of course be replaced with virtually anything)
Swords are sharp and clubs are blunt, your father's an ogre and your mother's a runt... (ha, betcha thought that one was goin South didncha?)
I met a young woman with hate on her mind, so I gave her drink and let her unwind. I asked why my dear are you so very blue, she said she just got through looking at you... Why again I asked, is that such a bother, because she replied he looks like his father. And? I did query her words pulling me closer, because it's a fact, his father's an ogre...
2 pence, 6 pence 8 pence, a dollar, your ugly face would make a saint holler.
Sing a song of six pence a pocket full of rye, you've chosen to do battle so now you're going to die. My armor's nice and shiny while yours is dingy brown, so I slice your outsides open and spill your innards on the ground.
Winner, Winner, *orc is what's for dinner! *(orc can of course be replaced with virtually anything)
(Inspired by the above...)
Copper, Silver, Gold and Platinum,
You've jowls so big a breeze would flap 'em.
Platinum, Gold, Silver and Copper,
Your beer-belly's quite the flopper.
Sapphire, Diamond, Emerald, Ruby,
Your drunk's red nose is quite protrudy.
Ruby, Emerald, Diamond, Sapphire,
Wasn't your mom a date for hire?
Mandolin or Harpsichord
Your oratory leaves all bored.
Harpsichord or Mandolin
Your ancestors all married kin.
Copper, Silver, Gold and Platinum,
You've jowls so big a breeze would flap 'em.
Platinum, Gold, Silver and Copper,
Your beer-belly's quite the flopper.
Sapphire, Diamond, Emerald, Ruby,
Your drunk's red nose is quite protrudy.
Ruby, Emerald, Diamond, Sapphire,
Wasn't your mom a date for hire?
Mandolin or Harpsichord
Your oratory leaves all bored.
Harpsichord or Mandolin
Your ancestors all married kin.
TarionzCousin
Second Most Angelic Devil Ever
Nice. This would fit in well in most of Shakespeare's comedies.
Gulla
Adventurer
I'm late to the party, I see 
Still need some more?
I see thee and ask myself
does this orc look just like an elf?
A blushing face, a smile so meek
its chest so slim and arms so weak
with pansy weapon held up high
and knowing well its gonna die
Usable both against orcs and elfs, of course
A brawny man before me stand
a puny weapon in his hand
with brains and power like a lizzard
Excuse me, _that's_ a mighty wizard?
What is the sound I hear so well
as subtle as an ogre's yell?
Who sneaks away there by the side?
Oh it's a rogue who tries to hide!
Behind the armor made of plate
a man who never had a date
a weakling stinking ancient yeast
is that supposed to be a priest?
Why are we facing this new threat?
we're heroes, we will challenge death!
But when I look down on this hobbit
I'd be more scare by mama's rabbit.
Still need some more?I see thee and ask myself
does this orc look just like an elf?
A blushing face, a smile so meek
its chest so slim and arms so weak
with pansy weapon held up high
and knowing well its gonna die
Usable both against orcs and elfs, of course
A brawny man before me stand
a puny weapon in his hand
with brains and power like a lizzard
Excuse me, _that's_ a mighty wizard?
What is the sound I hear so well
as subtle as an ogre's yell?
Who sneaks away there by the side?
Oh it's a rogue who tries to hide!
Behind the armor made of plate
a man who never had a date
a weakling stinking ancient yeast
is that supposed to be a priest?
Why are we facing this new threat?
we're heroes, we will challenge death!
But when I look down on this hobbit
I'd be more scare by mama's rabbit.
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