Because I'm old(er) and I don't care anymore

[DaveStebbins]

- At age 15, kicked a hole in the wall in a fit of pique over losing a tabletop football game (APBA, if that game company means anything to any of you).

My brother and I used to play APBA football! I really enjoyed it until I started playing Strat-O-Matic football a bunch of years later. For APBA football, my brother had all of the 1968 AFL teams, which gives you a good idea of how long ago this occurred...

 

[Dakkareth]

Mmhh, younger than 21 and no stories to tell (and I doubt that will change). Is that good or bad?

 

[Angel Tarragon]

Mmhh, younger than 21 and no stories to tell (and I doubt that will change). Is that good or bad?

I'm 8 years older, and don't have any stories.
I'm pretty much a goody two shoes.

 

[Wormwood]

I once accidentally printed a 50+ page hardcore erotic story to the network printer at work. I never even noticed I had printed the file until I was called to the office.

 

[reveal]

I once accidentally printed a 50+ page hardcore erotic story to the network printer at work. I never even noticed I had printed the file until I was called to the office.

We have a winner!

 

[Rel]

I once accidentally printed a 50+ page hardcore erotic story to the network printer at work. I never even noticed I had printed the file until I was called to the office.

I simply must ask, what did you say to them when you walked in and saw the "evidence"?

 

[reveal]

I simply must ask, what did you say to them when you walked in and saw the "evidence"?

"We searched every inch of this base and all we found was porno, porno, porno!" - Army officer who throws magazines on the table

Krusty the Klown walks by the table - "Hey hey! Now this is my kind of meeting!"

 

[Angel Tarragon]

Krusty the Klown walks by the table - "Hey hey! Now this is my kind of meeting!"

 

[Wormwood]

I simply must ask, what did you say to them when you walked in and saw the "evidence"?

Date: 1995

Paul, the head of the IT department calls me to the office. I work in the Art Department, so he has no authority over me---but the guy can make my life a living hell if he wants to.

I walk into Paul's office to find him holding a big fat sheaf of paper. In a strange, low voice he asks, "Did *you* print this?"

Having no idea that I had printed anything, I said I hadn't. Then, strangely, he handed the papers to me and says, "Are you sure?"

I scanned the three columns of 7-point Arial and phrases such as "I never thought this would happen to me...", "slowly unzipped", and "my friend wants to join in" leapt off the page.

I get really, really cold. Everything got kind of bright and I thought I suffered a mild stroke.

"Okay, yeah that's mine. Where'd you get it?", I ask in a tiny voice.

Paul leans in conspiratorially, "It was in the laser printer in Reception. Nobody could fax in because *this* was clogging up the cue. For 15 minutes"

At this point I'm mentally cleaning out my personal effects and deleting a large number of sensitive files off my PC.

I manage to retain enough composure "Okay. Thanks. Did anyone else see it?"

"You lucked out, everyone was at lunch except for [insert names of office drones I no longer remember-wormwood]. You might want to be more careful"

I slink back to the Art Department, thanking the God of Fools and Perverts to have dodged a bullet.

Later, Mark the Art Director came back from lunch and asked me, "Hey, did you really do that ?" I nod and he says, "Jesus! What the is wrong with you? Are you ing kidding me? Jesus!"

And we never spoke of it again. I still work at the same place (although I've since been promoted.

 

[reveal]

I still work at the same place (although I've since been promoted.

"...and since I have tenure, I'm allowed to print off 3 pornographic stories a day."