Can Dextyr Keep All These Strikers Alive? (DM: JoeNotCharles, Ozymandias79 Judging)

[Lord Sessadore]

"Er, you wouldn't happen to be Zarglezorf, would you?" Tristan asks a little hesitantly. More because he's trying not to laugh like Tonk than because he's intimidated by the ridiculous halfling.

 

[DMDanW]

After the apprentices scatter and the halfling walks by ignoring Dextyr, Dextyr follows the halfling as few paces back.

"Excuse me good sir" Dextyr addresses the halfling, "I couldn't help but overhear what you said about the Bishop. I am in fact looking for the Bishop in response to a job opportunity he recently posted and I was hoping that...." Dextyr speech tails off as they round the corner and the halfling goes on his tirade.

Ah crap..how am I going to get us out of this one..​

"TONK!"Dextyr calls out in a somewhat upset authoritave voice, "What are you doing? I told you to wait outside. I am very disappointed in you - no treats today. We will talk about this later" Dextyr then turns to the halfling, and in the most appoligetic tone possible continues "I am so, so sorry sir for this most greivious intrusion. I left Tonk in the care of my comrades and I see that he must have gotten out of hand again. You see, Tonk is, well, Special, and is trying to learn the customs here in Daunton. Again I am so sorry for the mess, and I see that my asociate (he gestures to Mikara) has already begun to clean up the mess. I assure you that when I left them here they had not gotten into any trouble. As I have been trying to tell you, we are here to see the Bishop about a job offer"​

[sblock=skill rolls]

Roll Lookup Diplomacy roll = 30
Roll Lookup Bluff roll = 24​

[/sblock]

[sblock=skill bonus for Mikara]
Dextyr is within 10 squares so you get a +1 bonus to diplomacy checks
[/sblock]

 

[KenHood]

In an instant, Tonk ceases laughing. He flip-kicks to his feet.

Leaning forward, Tonk gives Dextyr a measured look. The half-orc turns his head slightly to the side, cupping a hand over his mangled ear. "I beg pardon. I not sure if I hear you in right way. Did you just yell at me like I dog? I ask, because I think maybe my Punch Brother be hit little too much today and not in right way of think. If so, I excuse Punch Brother when ask question and walk off. Is little rude, but okay. If so, I also excuse Punch Brother from yell at me like I dog. When head mess up, sometimes say thing we not mean. If not so, I think I put foot so far up Punch Brother poop-hole that Punch Brother taste the muck of city that is on bottom of my sandal and when I wiggle big toe, it tickle inside of his nose and cause him to sneeze. Then, we hug and go back to be good friend again."

Baby seals often see the same look on the face of a polar bear.

"Okay?"

 

[Lord Sessadore]

Tristan walks up to Tonk and puts his head next to Tonk's, his back towards the halfling. "He's just making up a story to keep us from getting into trouble. If we make trouble, they might not pay us for the job. Wouldn't want that, would we?" The elf throws a friendly wink at the half-orc, then turns around to face the halfling again with a smile as if nothing happened and pats Tonk on the shoulder.

 

[DMDanW]

Dextyr lets a slight grin escape his lips at Tonks threat and confidently strides over to him and stops easily with tonks reach. He speaks in a calm steady tone. "Good, I'm glad I finally have your full attention Tonk. To answer your question, Yes - I have been punched in the head many times today. I have been punched many times while taking part in this brotherhood ceremony you have shared with us all, and it was an honor to take part in a new and interesting cultural experience. You and I come from different places and different upbringings. I am eager to learn and embrace those differences we share and by doing so we can all become better individuals and comrades."
Dextyr pauses only briefly to catch his breath and continues,
"I did raise my voice with you Tonk because I am upset. I am upset that even though I have tried to respect and embrace you and your culture and your ways, you have not shown your Punch brother the same respect. I tried to explain that these priests may not share in your philosophy regarding closed doors and you ignored me and now we are all in trouble. Dextyr points towards the halfling.
"This funny little man will now most likely not only NOT give us the job, but perhaps he will call the local guards and charge us with a crime and throw us in prison.
Dextyr leans in closer to Tonk and continues on, but his tone is quiter, so much so that only Tonk should be able to hear him.
"I did not mean you any disrespect Tonk. Your tools are your strength and your weapon. Mine are my charm and wit. Where you are direct in your actions, mine are subtle and misleading. I attempted to mislead this man into thinking that you are something you are not and thereby hopefully he would not be upset with us. I was wrong in doing so and obviously disrespected you in the process. I am sorry for that. I have no time or patience for bullies and your threats do not frighten me, but if you feel that the only way to make amends of this situation is to insert your foot into my backside then so be it"
Dextyr then turns around and presents himself for the forthcoming arsekicking.

 

[KenHood]

Tonk grabs Dextyr by the arm and spins him around.

"One, I understand maybe half of you say then."

"Two, is bad to lie. Truth always more good."

"Five, bully pick on people more weak than bully because heart is sick. Is no bully to punish for wrong. If hit man, give him understand to live."

Tonk pokes Dextyr in the chest. "You carry sword. Is you bully when you use it?"

"Four, man upset about head of pig in room. Man no say nothing about other people, so man only care about head of pig. Look!"

Tonk picks the pig's head off the floor. "Hey, man with funny voice, you upset about pig head, yes? Is not rotten pig head. Is fresh pig head. Much cook good. You want bite? Still have one ear left. It crunch!"

 

[JoeNotCharles]

"Believe it or not,
we want to offer to help
you reap Applethorpe"

"Er, you wouldn't happen to be Zarglezorf, would you?"

As I have been trying to tell you, we are here to see the Bishop about a job offer"

"QVIET!" The halfling's shiny brass buttons tremble as he screams. "All zis yelling, everyvone talkink at vonce - I can't hear myszelf THSZINK!"

The sudden silence is broken only by Tonk threatening Dextyr.

[sblock=OOC]
More in a bit, I just that was a good line to end on for now.
[/sblock]

 

[JoeNotCharles]

In an instant, Tonk ceases laughing. He flip-kicks to his feet.

The halfling jumps backward nearly a foot.

Leaning forward, Tonk gives Dextyr a measured look. The half-orc turns his head slightly to the side, cupping a hand over his mangled ear. "I beg pardon. I not sure if I hear you in right way. Did you just yell at me like I dog?

"No violencsz!" squeaks the halfling. "Zis is a holy placsze!"

I ask, because I think maybe my Punch Brother be hit little too much today and not in right way of think. If so, I excuse Punch Brother when ask question and walk off."

"No, no violencsz! No punchszing! No - Punchsz Brothszer? Vhat?"

"Is little rude, but okay. If so, I also excuse Punch Brother from yell at me like I dog. When head mess up, sometimes say thing we not mean."

"Goodt, goodt, yesz, ve talk through zis like adultsz. No need to get filthzy blood on my nicsze clean floorsz..."

"If not so, I think I put foot so far up Punch Brother poop-hole that Punch Brother taste the muck of city that is on bottom of my sandal and when I wiggle big toe, it tickle inside of his nose and cause him to sneeze. Then, we hug and go back to be good friend again."

The halfling's face goes white with shock. "La... langvage!" he stutters. "Zat vas FILTHZY! I know he inszulted you, but you should be ASHZAMED of yourszelf!"

Tristan walks up to Tonk and puts his head next to Tonk's, his back towards the halfling. "He's just making up a story to keep us from getting into trouble. If we make trouble, they might not pay us for the job. Wouldn't want that, would we?" The elf throws a friendly wink at the half-orc, then turns around to face the halfling again with a smile as if nothing happened and pats Tonk on the shoulder.

The halfling glares at him. "You thzink I cannot hear you? I am sztanding right here! Now..." He is cut off as Dextyr starts to speak again.

Dextyr's speech is rather long. The halfling opens his mouth to interject several times, but every time he stops and listens thoughtfully. When it's over, he pauses, brow furrowed until Tonk has responded, then nods vigorously, setting the numerous pins and medals on the front of his uniform jingling.

"Okay. Okay, I szee vhat's happening. Cultyural confyusion. Yesz. I undersztand zis. I have dealt vith zis all my life." He takes a deep breath.

"I am here to take over Bishop Klogg's dutiesz. He hasz a job to give you, yesz? And you have entered hisz office to look for him, yesz?" He sighs deeply. "Ok. Zis vas very wrong, tracking filthzy mud off ze sztreetsz into ze Bishop's office, but I vill forgive you. ZIS TIME!" He glares at Tonk. "Now, you give me vhatever you found in ze Bishop's offize, I vill go inszide, get caught up on his schedyule and deczide vhat is to be done. You vait here, and I vill come out in ten minutez and tell you if ze job is ztill on. Ok?"

"And vhile I am inszide, YOU apologisze to HIM for patroniszing him, and YOU apologisze to HIM for not lisztening to hisz advisze. And ONLY zat! Say your apology, and NOTHZINK else! Szaying any more vill just make thzings vorse."

"Oh, and also vhile you are vaiting... TAKE ZAT FILTHZY THING OUTSZIDE! Isz not fresh! Isz at leaszt a veek old! It SZTINKS!"

[sblock=OOC]
Unless Tonk went back for a new pig head at some point, the head is indeed several days old by now, because it's now Wednesday morning, the day the Bishop was due back - ah, the mysteries of non-realtime games.
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[KenHood]

[sblock=Pig's Head]?! Uh... Haven't we only spent about 20 minutes of game time here?[/sblock]
Tonk bites the knuckles of one hand while the priest talks. He snickers and giggles. Tears shrink-wrap his eyes.

After the priest finishes his speech, Tonk--still giggling--wipes his eyes.

"I...(hee-hee)...ha-ha-have...no...(snicker)...idea...wha-ha-hat...you...(guffaw)...just...say."

 

[JoeNotCharles]

[sblock=Time Passes]
I think it was a Thursday, realtime, when I posted the "Away until Wednesday" sign. My intent was that it would be that many days of game time as well until he was back. I guess that doesn't really fit what was posted, though...
[/sblock]

Tonk suddenly realizes that the pig's head has decayed visibly. His memories are becoming confused - how long has he been here? He could swear it's only been about twenty minutes, but he also has a feeling that several days have passed.

[sblock=Religion 10]
Lingering on the grounds of Lauto's temple is unwise for the uninitiated. Time moves in strange ways there, as befits the House of Timeless Sleep.
[/sblock]