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Ceramic DM- The Renewal ( Final judgement posted)
- Thread starter alsih2o
- Start date
alsih2o
First Post
Alsih2o:
Hellefire- Good story. The mood fluctuates a bit for my taste, but I think you have some pretty strong picture use. The mannequins shot is excellent, the horse is strong. The Thor is good, but mostly from writing, not from actual picture use. But that bridge pic is right up there with the mannequins. Good stuff.
The story IS rather bitter, but I like that. I would have liked a little more Mary though, something to attach me to her before she dies.
Our narrator is interesting, and that means a lot. The writing is solid, but interrupted by a few small errs that bothered me. All around, a really string story.
Orchid Blossom- This partial-exposure story style is hard to pull off well. There is at least one moment I had to read a couple of times trying to make sense, but for the most part you pulled it off.
The horse pic is a fantastic interpretation, the mannequins are alright. The guy with the wings is impeccable. The bridge is…Ok. I like the bridge handling, I would just like more.
OB writes with confidence and grace, I expect each time I see her writing (judging or competing) that she is one of those “ones to beat.” Good story, strong material, greta theme, good dialogue.
[sblock] I really like OB’s story, but I think I have to give this one to Hellefire. [/sblock]
Piratecat:
Orchid Blossom vs Hellefire
Orchid Blossom:
It’s nice to see the main character being Pestilence; Death is overdone.
Orchid Blossom is a talented writer and it shows in both the story hook and
the language usage. She paints an eloquent picture of Harold as a retired
Horseman, and its one that stays with you.
Things I didn’t like? The freelancer angle seemed weak, although I enjoyed
the actual discussion with him. I also would have liked to see more of the
group in action. . . they just didn’t seem very powerful or experienced at
what they did. That’s a refreshing change from normal, but it wasn’t
entirely consistent with who they were or what they did.
I love it when pictures are used in multiple ways. Setting up the horseman
as one of the Four Horsemen works quite well, and using both the old man
with wings and the cross on the wall strengthens the story’s connection to
the illustration. On the other hand, having the giant face turn into a
normal sized man struck me as something of a copout.
Hellefire:
Okay, it’s implausible. . . but it’s funny.
Good imagination, here. I liked the consistent unusual spellings, the
revelations about the Norse Gods, the bad pun for the organization. This is
a good example of a story that would be better if it had fewer words. I
think you could knock 10-20% of the verbiage out and end up with something
just as clever and even more effective.
I think the story is undermined by the fact that it changes from a comedy to
a drama as it goes along. Things stop being funny and start becoming deadly
serious. That’s not inherently bad, but as the story’s pace slows down the
seriousness clashes with the initial style and weakens the story as a whole.
I would have preferred to see this stay humorous throughout.
Overall, two strong entries that were both fun to read. My judgment goes to.
. .
[sblock]. . . Orchid Blossom. Her story was less complex, but it was
consistent in tone throughout and maintained momentum. That made the
difference in this case. [/sblock]
Maldur:
orchid blossom vs. Hellefire
Horseman, gods, horseman, gods, I have a sneaking suspicion you two read to
much Gaiman
But my vote goes to orchid, her use of the pictures was more....smooth,
intergrated.
Decision- [sblock] Orchid Blossom takes this in a split decision, 2-1.[/sblock]
Hellefire- Good story. The mood fluctuates a bit for my taste, but I think you have some pretty strong picture use. The mannequins shot is excellent, the horse is strong. The Thor is good, but mostly from writing, not from actual picture use. But that bridge pic is right up there with the mannequins. Good stuff.
The story IS rather bitter, but I like that. I would have liked a little more Mary though, something to attach me to her before she dies.
Our narrator is interesting, and that means a lot. The writing is solid, but interrupted by a few small errs that bothered me. All around, a really string story.
Orchid Blossom- This partial-exposure story style is hard to pull off well. There is at least one moment I had to read a couple of times trying to make sense, but for the most part you pulled it off.
The horse pic is a fantastic interpretation, the mannequins are alright. The guy with the wings is impeccable. The bridge is…Ok. I like the bridge handling, I would just like more.
OB writes with confidence and grace, I expect each time I see her writing (judging or competing) that she is one of those “ones to beat.” Good story, strong material, greta theme, good dialogue.
[sblock] I really like OB’s story, but I think I have to give this one to Hellefire. [/sblock]
Piratecat:
Orchid Blossom vs Hellefire
Orchid Blossom:
It’s nice to see the main character being Pestilence; Death is overdone.
Orchid Blossom is a talented writer and it shows in both the story hook and
the language usage. She paints an eloquent picture of Harold as a retired
Horseman, and its one that stays with you.
Things I didn’t like? The freelancer angle seemed weak, although I enjoyed
the actual discussion with him. I also would have liked to see more of the
group in action. . . they just didn’t seem very powerful or experienced at
what they did. That’s a refreshing change from normal, but it wasn’t
entirely consistent with who they were or what they did.
I love it when pictures are used in multiple ways. Setting up the horseman
as one of the Four Horsemen works quite well, and using both the old man
with wings and the cross on the wall strengthens the story’s connection to
the illustration. On the other hand, having the giant face turn into a
normal sized man struck me as something of a copout.
Hellefire:
Okay, it’s implausible. . . but it’s funny.
Good imagination, here. I liked the consistent unusual spellings, the
revelations about the Norse Gods, the bad pun for the organization. This is
a good example of a story that would be better if it had fewer words. I
think you could knock 10-20% of the verbiage out and end up with something
just as clever and even more effective.
I think the story is undermined by the fact that it changes from a comedy to
a drama as it goes along. Things stop being funny and start becoming deadly
serious. That’s not inherently bad, but as the story’s pace slows down the
seriousness clashes with the initial style and weakens the story as a whole.
I would have preferred to see this stay humorous throughout.
Overall, two strong entries that were both fun to read. My judgment goes to.
. .
[sblock]. . . Orchid Blossom. Her story was less complex, but it was
consistent in tone throughout and maintained momentum. That made the
difference in this case. [/sblock]
Maldur:
orchid blossom vs. Hellefire
Horseman, gods, horseman, gods, I have a sneaking suspicion you two read to
much Gaiman
But my vote goes to orchid, her use of the pictures was more....smooth,
intergrated.
Decision- [sblock] Orchid Blossom takes this in a split decision, 2-1.[/sblock]
alsih2o
First Post
Hellefire said:Congrats OB!
I feel pretty good about my first try in a writing competition really. Going to practice some more for next time though
Aaron
You held your own against a known heavyweight. That is impressive.
Sorry if we left you waiting. 3 judges in 3 times zones on 2 continents with lives gets messy. I hope you enjoyed it, and look forward to seeing you continue to comment on this one and play with us again.
What a day! I must tell somebody this, so it's going here. First I had something personal come up that made me take my second-to-last day off work. I had to go on a little trip that ended up at some relatives of my girlfriend, one of whom I can't stand. To make things better, while I was changing my daughter's diaper, in the 0.02 seconds she was undiapered, she decided to hug me and pee on my shirt and pants. So there I am, over an hour from home, wet, trying to politely leave (in Poland there are strict rules of hospitality, from both sides). So, I get home, immediately change, and after much ado and refreshing get my judgement. Ok, I lost, and yeah I would have been happier to win, but I was relieved to at least KNOW and I really do feel good about the whole thing. So I finally open the bottle my girlfriend and I have been saving for the occasion, pour 3 glasses of red wine (she had a friend over, and those hospitality rules again) and carried them to the living room, where she and her friend were trying to put our daughter to sleep. I tried to hand her one, but since the room was dark I misjudged which glass she had and let go of the wrong one. It fell straight down, did not break, and spewed wine straight up....on to me. So there I was, drenched....again. I took my daughter and sang her to sleep, chuckling the whole time. And now, I go to bed to prepare for both my last day at work for the next 7 months, and my entrance into a new age category for the ENWorld age poll (33...shhhh, dont tell anybody). Damn but life is fun sometimes .
Aaron
.Aaron
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Thorod's post is edited so it's visible!
http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?p=2023556#post2023556
http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?p=2023556#post2023556
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