Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Piratecat said:You make baby Piratecat cry. Damn. And I was really looking forward to reading yours.
Have any portion of it to post?
That cat's got one too many limbs. Where's my hacksaw?
-
The VOIDRUNNER'S CODEX is coming! Explore new worlds, fight oppressive empires, fend off fearsome aliens, and wield deadly psionics with this comprehensive boxed set expansion for 5E and A5E!
Ceramic DM Winter 07 (Final Judgment Posted)
- Thread starter yangnome
- Start date
That cat's got one too many limbs. Where's my hacksaw?
Berandor
lunatic
Just a short commentary on the entries.
[sblock]
mythago: I love trickster stories, in part because I think they're hell to write. Your story has a nice foundation, but it could have used some finish in order to make it flow better, to tie the pictures stronger into the narrative (the last one, for example). And, obviously, some more time to spend with the wax man (to better feel for him) or Jackal (to enjoy the story more; he's more a side player here). I hope you'll have some more time next round – it seems your opponent was even more stressed out. I'm looking forward to it.
carpedavid: Once again, a wonderful story. Your characterization here is top-notch, not only of Shijo, but of all characters (except perhaps the robotic dog). And it's funny! A cat as a boss, and how it's disposed, and the hungry skeleton, and... really, a wonderful, complete entry. No doubt there were things to catch or to improve, but on my single perusal I didn't notice them. Thank you.
BSF: Damn, you're unlucky this time around. First against Piratecat (and believe me, I know now how that feels), now against carpedavid. Your story is very nice, as well, though I would have liked a little more meat. Some dialogue, or something. I realize this may have betrayed the narrator's identity earlier, but then I'm not sure that would have harmed the story. As it is, we learn about the cat-thing just as he's kicking the dog, and so I had to accept the talking animal thing AND his lucky kung-fu kick in the same line. Also, I was a little pulled out of the story by the dead girl; the story seemed more or less ironic in tone as opposed to dark, and dead children seemed too dark somehow. Still, a very enjoyable entry, albeit one that I'm not sure will survive against carpedavid. Thank you.
[/sblock]
[sblock]
mythago: I love trickster stories, in part because I think they're hell to write. Your story has a nice foundation, but it could have used some finish in order to make it flow better, to tie the pictures stronger into the narrative (the last one, for example). And, obviously, some more time to spend with the wax man (to better feel for him) or Jackal (to enjoy the story more; he's more a side player here). I hope you'll have some more time next round – it seems your opponent was even more stressed out. I'm looking forward to it.
carpedavid: Once again, a wonderful story. Your characterization here is top-notch, not only of Shijo, but of all characters (except perhaps the robotic dog). And it's funny! A cat as a boss, and how it's disposed, and the hungry skeleton, and... really, a wonderful, complete entry. No doubt there were things to catch or to improve, but on my single perusal I didn't notice them. Thank you.
BSF: Damn, you're unlucky this time around. First against Piratecat (and believe me, I know now how that feels), now against carpedavid. Your story is very nice, as well, though I would have liked a little more meat. Some dialogue, or something. I realize this may have betrayed the narrator's identity earlier, but then I'm not sure that would have harmed the story. As it is, we learn about the cat-thing just as he's kicking the dog, and so I had to accept the talking animal thing AND his lucky kung-fu kick in the same line. Also, I was a little pulled out of the story by the dead girl; the story seemed more or less ironic in tone as opposed to dark, and dead children seemed too dark somehow. Still, a very enjoyable entry, albeit one that I'm not sure will survive against carpedavid. Thank you.
[/sblock]
Herremann the Wise
First Post
Judgment for the spectacular match-up between Piratecat and Berandor almost complete - give me another hour or two to polish it up.
Mythago,
I understand and commiserate with your obvious frustration.
Contestants, you should always put something in, even if it makes you squirm really bad to press the submit reply button. Otherwise it seems more like you looked at the pictures, found them too tough and looked for the nearest excuse. If you can't compete due to obligations, it is far better to announce this before your match than after. An alternate from the previous round can usually be organised.
Now I better get back to my judgment otherwise I'll be the pot calling the kettle black. Work has been exceedingly busy.
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
Mythago,
I understand and commiserate with your obvious frustration.
Contestants, you should always put something in, even if it makes you squirm really bad to press the submit reply button. Otherwise it seems more like you looked at the pictures, found them too tough and looked for the nearest excuse. If you can't compete due to obligations, it is far better to announce this before your match than after. An alternate from the previous round can usually be organised.
Now I better get back to my judgment otherwise I'll be the pot calling the kettle black. Work has been exceedingly busy.
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
orchid blossom
Explorer
Mine is also currently being worked on. I've been under the weather for a couple days but my head is pretty clear now. So hopefully what I write will make sense!
KidCthulhu
First Post
Rodrigo Istalindir said:
It's baby Piratecat. He was young then and still had all his limbs.
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
mythago said:
Mythago, I feel your pain. It looks like you had a hard time getting your story done, but you made the valiant effort. I'll do an impolite reply for you.
I wrote my story with one of the worst colds I've ever had, going to school full time, working full time and going through a divorce. Classwork, just not a good enough excuse IMHO.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Ok, all done. I'll sleep on it tonight in hopes of additional brilliance, and post in the morning. Balls in your court, tadk.
Sialia
First Post
Comments on Piratecat v Berandor.
[sblock]
Babykillers, I agree mostly with what Gulla said.
Additional comments: Piratecat, I think you have in past competitions created stronger narrators with more personality --as with your first round story this competition, I think the story holds together well enough, and the picture use works, and you have both something to get across and an interesting way of getting it there, etc. but it lacks your very best sparkle because you haven't spent enough time developing the persona of your narrator. If you can step back from that bland generic first person voice and really know who's talking, you'll hear those "level up" bells go off. My favorite part of this story is the calcuation of an individual's odds of redemption, and the exploration of why a messiah might not be the best thing to ever happen to the majority of the population of the planet. To me, it was fresh.
Berandor, I'm tempted to say that "my only visceral response to your story was that I threw up, but I was planning on doing that anyway," except that that would be both unnecessarily harsh, and also untrue.
The better way of putting it was that I desperately needed to go throw up, but I was so busy reading your story I made myself wait until I was done reading it to go puke. That has to be some sort of testament to a worthwhile read, because if it had been less compelling, it would have gotten shelved along with everything else I haven't gotten around to in the past month because I've been busy puking. So you get points for distracting me from my misery for a while, even if it was only to gloat over someone else's.
Thanks both for a tight and competitive round. [/sblock]
[sblock]
Babykillers, I agree mostly with what Gulla said.
Additional comments: Piratecat, I think you have in past competitions created stronger narrators with more personality --as with your first round story this competition, I think the story holds together well enough, and the picture use works, and you have both something to get across and an interesting way of getting it there, etc. but it lacks your very best sparkle because you haven't spent enough time developing the persona of your narrator. If you can step back from that bland generic first person voice and really know who's talking, you'll hear those "level up" bells go off. My favorite part of this story is the calcuation of an individual's odds of redemption, and the exploration of why a messiah might not be the best thing to ever happen to the majority of the population of the planet. To me, it was fresh.
Berandor, I'm tempted to say that "my only visceral response to your story was that I threw up, but I was planning on doing that anyway," except that that would be both unnecessarily harsh, and also untrue.
The better way of putting it was that I desperately needed to go throw up, but I was so busy reading your story I made myself wait until I was done reading it to go puke. That has to be some sort of testament to a worthwhile read, because if it had been less compelling, it would have gotten shelved along with everything else I haven't gotten around to in the past month because I've been busy puking. So you get points for distracting me from my misery for a while, even if it was only to gloat over someone else's.
Thanks both for a tight and competitive round. [/sblock]
Sialia
First Post
Mythago, that is one of the greatest opening paragraphs you have ever written.
I can see why you feel this one is still a bit rough, but I liked what you tried to do with it. It took me someplace unexpected and I liked being there. I loved the narrative voice, and the setting. I just wanted a whole lot more of it, and the ending felt a bit too sudden.
This is worth going back to finish when you have time.
I can see why you feel this one is still a bit rough, but I liked what you tried to do with it. It took me someplace unexpected and I liked being there. I loved the narrative voice, and the setting. I just wanted a whole lot more of it, and the ending felt a bit too sudden.
This is worth going back to finish when you have time.
