Chrisis Over for now. (I'm going insane! Need help from my friends!)

[Argent Silvermage]

Thanks to you all!

Here is the skinny.
She met him 6 weeks ago through my other sister's friend. They have gone places together with other people. Last night was the first time alone together. He seems like a really nice guy. He's a devout Muslim and loves my sister. It's obvious. He has no family in america and is lonely because of this.

He has not been outside the "arabic getto" in Philly much and so has learned only a little english above the basics needed to get by in America. He has a greencard and he has much more money than my sister thus he's not after any of the things I assumed.
He respects my sister and is not asking her to change to his religion of wear a vail or anything. He realises due to my sister's age that they will not be having any of thier own kids but he wants to addopt my nephew and then maybe 1 or 2 more kids.

Honestly I'm Agast. I expected an idiot looking to prey on my sister... I found a gentleman with all the right intentions. He's even invited me to his batchelor party with the belly dancers! How cool is that?

 

[Isida Kep'Tukari]

I'm glad to hear the guy seems really nice. Best wishes to both of them on their wedding day, and good luck to you to.

 

[William Ronald]

Argent,

As long as he seems to be an honorable man, who truly loves and respects your sister, welcome him into the family. Maybe try to help him find a good English class.

I am glad that everything is better than you feared. I hope your sister and her new husband will be happy together.

 

[Silverglass]

Think of her kid though. If I was him I would be seriously F-ed up if my mom up an married some foreign guy who can't speak english all of a sudden.

I don't see why that should be a given. When he first met me my stepson spoke about 30 words of English and my Russian was almost non existent, just tourist speak. After a couple of months of sign language it didn't take him long to expand his vocabulary a thousandfold and now, after a year we have no real problems talking.

While I do think that you can know whether you love someone enough to marry them after a very short time I think that a decent engagement period is a better idea than a quick marriage, but really its up to your sister, as people have said it really is her life and her choice, you probably should raise your concerns for her that maybe she is rushing the marriage a bit but you should also support he final decision. Remember however to not be confrontational or judgemental.

Posted this before reading your latest update, as meeting seems to have allayed some of your concerns I would say that you should be supportive of you sister in her choice.

 

[Argent Silvermage]

I don't see why that should be a given. When he first met me my stepson spoke about 30 words of English and my Russian was almost non existent, just tourist speak. After a couple of months of sign language it didn't take him long to expand his vocabulary a thousandfold and now, after a year we have no real problems talking.

Michael seems to really like him but there is a respect issue that Mike will have to get used to. He's a real brat.

While I do think that you can know whether you love someone enough to marry them after a very short time I think that a decent engagement period is a better idea than a quick marriage, but really its up to your sister, as people have said it really is her life and her choice, you probably should raise your concerns for her that maybe she is rushing the marriage a bit but you should also support he final decision. Remember however to not be confrontational or judgemental.

Posted this before reading your latest update, as meeting seems to have allayed some of your concerns I would say that you should be supportive of you sister in her choice.

I'm supporting her all the way. That was never an issue. She is my sister and there are only the 5 of us in the family. Me my two older sisters and my two nephews. We have little to no contact with the rest of our family and our parents both died many years ago.
She says she was joking about the "Rush" aspect of the wedding but she wants to get it overwith for Michaels sake. He doesn't do well with upheavals. (he has some psychological problems) He's a good kid if some what a brat and very smart. He understands that his life is about to change and Jean and (I/m so bad with names...) His "american" name is Alex wanted to reduce the trauma to him by not prolonging the event. I can understand that.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

Well,

Being 100% anti-marriage as I am (no comments, please) I may be slightly biased but I see one BIG problem here, worse than barely knowing the guy, worse than not being able to speak the same language as the guy (if that's what she meant).

She said "I want to do this quick, before he changes his mind".

That to me idicates that she is afraid of losing him and thinks walking down the aisle and having their "love' signed into law is the only way to keep him. This sort of reasoning, tends to eventually lead to heartbreak.

Talk to her. Make sure she is sure. Make sure she knows the seriousness of marriage and how very difficult it is to go through a divorce if it fails, which, I think something like 53% of marriages do (And I'll presume a fair amount of those who do not get divorced, wish they could, but don't for various reasons).
Make sure she signs a pre-nuptial agreement. Make sure she takes finances into account.

I think less marriages would fail if people thought long and hard about real life before jumping into situations without considering the real, non glamorous reality of it or if people didn't feel pressure to get married at all. I think once people get engaged and put money down, they are afraid to back out. I was , even though I knew the guy was abusive, drank heavily etc. etc. because I didnt want to dissapoint my parents. Sure the big day is fun. Mine was. That ended , literally a week later, as I figured it would, and the process to get it annulled was expensive and took longer than any wedding planning for a wedding I didn't want to go through with anyway, but was afraid to back out of. Wearing the princess dress and having all the cake and flowers and attention is a blast. But then you have to settle into real life with this person. You should really think about whether or not you love them, or even like them or if you just love the idea of being a bride/groom.

I am going through a similiar situation with my beloved brother who is 21 and marrying his 20 year old girlfriend in less than a year. They have been together for less than a year. I'll be there for him, but I don't see what the rush is. I have a good friend who is marrying someone she constantly fights with and I worry alot about her too.

But I keep my anti-marriage speil to myself and just try to be there for them.

I'd suggest you talk to your sister very honestly about this and try to find out what the rush is for. Hopefully she's just wildly excited about this guy and really thinks it will work out, but i don't see how with a statement like "I want to get married quick before he changes his mind" can indicate that. I really do wish you, and her the best.

Good luck,
Sheri

 

[Argent Silvermage]

Well,

Being 100% anti-marriage as I am (no comments, please) I may be slightly biased but I see one BIG problem here, worse than barely knowing the guy, worse than not being able to speak the same language as the guy (if that's what she meant).

She said "I want to do this quick, before he changes his mind".

Good luck,
Sheri

Thanks Sheri,
Shwe was just joking when she wrote that. I met him and they are very obviously in love and both want the quick marriage.
Whatever comes of this is on trhier heads but I'll support her all the way. (and hurt him bad if he hurts my sister or nephew.)

 

[alsih2o]

Well,

Being 100% anti-marriage as I am (no comments, please)

what is with this?

you know this is a messageboard, right? i mean, people come here almost solely for commenta and commentary.

i am always amazed at people who post and try to make demands on how people respond, as if posting foirst gives them the right to determine all future responses.

esppecially throwing out something as loaded as this.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

what is with this?

you know this is a messageboard, right? i mean, people come here almost solely for commenta and commentary.

i am always amazed at people who post and try to make demands on how people respond, as if posting foirst gives them the right to determine all future responses.

esppecially throwing out something as loaded as this.

I don't see how this was bad. Many people on this board know my anti marriage stance, and I wanted to mention it, before someone else brought it up in a comment, and also explain that my view may be very different from others.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

Thanks Sheri,
Shwe was just joking when she wrote that. I met him and they are very obviously in love and both want the quick marriage.
Whatever comes of this is on trhier heads but I'll support her all the way. (and hurt him bad if he hurts my sister or nephew.)

Good to hear Congrats on your soon to be brother in law