Chrisis Over for now. (I'm going insane! Need help from my friends!)
- Thread starter Argent Silvermage
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First, for Alsih2o -- I think that Djeta's point is that she didn't want to hijack this thread with a debate on the relative merits of the institution of marriage. I, for one, will let it suffice to say that SHE does not believe in it, but is not preaching this belief. That's enough for me.
As far as Redundant Silvermage's sister is concerned, I think everyone is pretty much already right-on with the advice. It's exceedingly hard to tell a fellow adult what is best for her. Djeta is right that the wedding day itself is magical in a different way than life afterwards can be. I do hope, however, that a 47 year old woman is mature enough not to be motivated by dreams of long white dresses and expensive floral arrangements.
If I may ask, is relgion an issue? If he were to adopt your nephew and/or any other children, would he really be comfortable not raising them to be muslims? That could be a scary and difficult issue for a couple already dealing with cultural and language barriers. Not an insurmountable issue, but a serious one nonetheless. It might be nice to talk about some of these things with your sister.
The other important thing is probably to make sure someone talks to your nephew about how this will change his life. He is a bit young to be part of the decision-making process, but he does need to have people talk to him and explain things to him.
I do commend you for approaching the situation with an open mind. That's very hard to do, especially if you had your doubts beforehand.
As far as Redundant Silvermage's sister is concerned, I think everyone is pretty much already right-on with the advice. It's exceedingly hard to tell a fellow adult what is best for her. Djeta is right that the wedding day itself is magical in a different way than life afterwards can be. I do hope, however, that a 47 year old woman is mature enough not to be motivated by dreams of long white dresses and expensive floral arrangements.
If I may ask, is relgion an issue? If he were to adopt your nephew and/or any other children, would he really be comfortable not raising them to be muslims? That could be a scary and difficult issue for a couple already dealing with cultural and language barriers. Not an insurmountable issue, but a serious one nonetheless. It might be nice to talk about some of these things with your sister.
The other important thing is probably to make sure someone talks to your nephew about how this will change his life. He is a bit young to be part of the decision-making process, but he does need to have people talk to him and explain things to him.
I do commend you for approaching the situation with an open mind. That's very hard to do, especially if you had your doubts beforehand.
Djeta Thernadier
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Czhorat said:
Thanks Czhorat. That's exactly what my point was. You worded it much better than I did
Dirt
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Czhorat said:
This IS probably a good question to ask. I could be wrong here, but I would say that he wouldn't be comfortable not raising them to be muslims.
I don't think that this is necessarily a bad thing though. I have friends that are devout muslims. I've found their religion to be very welcoming, and the ideals are not a far stretch for those with Christian beliefs (well...with the exception that muslims don't deify Christ). As far as I'm concerned, the concept behind religion is to have a community, and the muslim faith certainly provides that.
Personally, I'm not a religious person. I say - if the guy is nice and your sister loves him, that should be all that matters. But, some people attach more significance to religious preference than I do...
On a side note - 6 weeks is very quick...wow...I hope that it works out. Yes, a quick wedding would be better for the child, but if a divorce happens because your sister didn't have enough time to make a good decision, it will be more traumatizing in the long run...
Tom Cashel
First Post
Djeta Thernadier said:
It doesn't at all seem to me that you're close to mastering this skill. Keep at it, though!
I'm with Clay. No need to turn a conversation about someone else (that really has no place on these boards) into a conversation about your own personal beliefs about marriage (which really has no place on these boards, and might be considered against the rules).
Not mad atcha, Djeta...just explaining why its not cool to use Argent's thread as a soapbox.
Fathead said:
This is a major oversimplification. Loving eachother is a great start, but that's all that it is. There are also about a million ways you need to be able to get along so that you can actually live together. How they raise their kids is perhaps the biggest such question. Imagine, for example, that Agmage's sister were a devout Catholic, for example, and wanted to raise her children in her faith while her new husband wanted to raise them muslim. There's no easy answer to that question and it might be enough to drive them apart. It doesn't sound to me as if this is the case - that the new groom doesn't expect his bride to wear a veil is a very good sign. I'm just pointing out that love does not conquer all. It's a start, but that's all that it is.
Tom Cashel said:
I might be missing something here, but Djeta's statement of her opinion on marriage was ONE LINE in a very well thought-out reply to the actual question. How is that worse than, for example, your posting with NO purpose save to attack her position?
As another aside, these message boards have so many off-topic discussions that I can't see why Djeta's talking about her view of marriage is any worse than Silver Argentmage's bringing up this story in the first place.
Tom Cashel
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Czhorat said:
You're right, they're equally off-topic and equally inappropriate.
As for Djeta, she could have made the reply without saying "I'm 100% anti-marriage and everyone knows it." I replied to the original poster without any reference to my own feelings on marriage, because they're irrelevant. She's the one who brought it up.
And as an aside, was I even talking to you? What are you, Djeta's husband or something?
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