College Woes

[Mr. Draco]

This fall, I'll be starting my third year at Caltech (a science-math university in Pasadena, CA).

The most valuable advice I can give you is to try new things, and don't be afraid to just jump right in (with the clear exception of drugs and other nasties). Some of the greatest and most fun things I've discovered came along shortly after a thought of "why not?" followed by a spurious decision.

In high school, I ran track (hurdles/400m sprint). I got to college, was all set for track there, and decided about two weeks before pre-season training to ditch the running and sign up for PE84 - Table Tennis. I played in my backyard and had a lot of fun with it, so I figured, why not? Once the year began, I discovered that the table tennis coach was a former US champion and olympic athlete who immigrated from China in the late 70s. Now I'm captain of the school club and team and I'm having more fun than I imagined possible.

Last year, I volunteered to be in charge of a large party that my House (a cross between a dorm and a fraternity) throws every year. We decided on Moulin Rouge for a theme, and after two and a half months of leading the construction effort (with 25 hours working weekends, every weekend), we had built from scratch an entire wooden dance floor, a 25ft tall windmill, a 20ft wooden elephant (my own design ), and finished painting more than 30 8'x4' wallboards. It was a blast.

Next year, the first thing I'm doing at the club fair (once I get a break from running the table tennis booth) is signing up for the ballroom dance club. I've never had formal dance training of any sort before, but I'm sure it'll be great fun.

In short, be sure to go around with open eyes, and you'll find plenty of very neat opportunities waiting for you. Don't dismiss something as too dorky, or too jock-ish, or too out-there. Explore and be safe and you'll have lots of fun.

Edit - Out of curiosity, where are you headed?

 

[Harmon]

In that case, Galeros- have fun, find new adventures, do not regret, be proud of the life you have lived, and find a smile in every thing you do.
​

 

[Belen]

Go to school, have fun, and have lots of sex. You will never again meet so many different people or have some many opportunities with the opposite sex as you will in college. After college, your world will grow small again.

So have fun. You're only experiencing fear of the unknown.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Go to school, have fun, and have lots of sex.

Dangit! I KNEW I forgot to do something!

 

[Tinker Gnome]

Sorry it took me so long to reply. But I thank everyone for all their encouragement, as it makes me feel better and more confident.

 

[Rel]

I can remember back that far

Let me dissent a little. Sooner or later, you're going to have be a little more independent. Nows a good time to start. It will be rough at first, and you're going to be tempted to call home every night, sit around the dorm and mope, etc.

Start right now steeling yourself not to do that. Don't cut yourself off completely, but start with calling home every other day. Get that down to 1/week if you can. If you find yourself not making (or breaking) plans to do something so you can go back to the dorm and call home, that's probably not good. Also, keep the trips home to a minimum. Fall semester, maybe one trip in early October after you've settled in, then its just a few weeks to Thanksgiving, then a short hop to Christmas.

With your own room it's going to be really easy to retreat, so you'll need to make an extra effort to get out. (In the olden days when it was 2 or 3 people to a single room, it was a lot harder to hide). Eat in the dining halls/cafeterias instead of cooking or ordering food and eating in your room.

Find on-campus gaming clubs, or other interest groups. Most decent sized universities have a student group for just about everything under the sun. Early on I got involved in the student judicial system and the group that organized guest lecturers. Neither sucked up an inordinate amount of time, and neither was something I thought I'd be interested in and just sort of fell into, but ended up being something I did till I graduated.

Talk with your parents about this. Some parents have as hard a time as the students, and if they are pressuring you to call every night or come home every weekend, it's going to be rough on you. Hopefully they went to college too, so they'll understand how easy it is to get totally swamped. Email is a great alternative. IM less so, since that creates the expectation of an instantaneous response.

Finally, if you are really worried about this, identify student mental health resources ahead of time. Almost everyone gets homesick, and the college will have people on staff who are experienced in dealing with this. There's nothing wrong with talking to someone, and its all confidential so you don't have to worry about roommates teasing you or whatever. It can be really hard to tell the difference between a bad bout of chronic homesickness and real depression.

Good luck -- I bet by the end of Christmas break, you'll be anxious to get back to your new friends and activities at school.

/old man voice

Man, kids today. Freshman semester, they were overbooked and I got stuck for a month in a room with 3 other guys. There were 56 students on the floor, and there were two communal bathrooms iwth communal showers. No maid service, no cable TV in our rooms till junior year. No email, no IM. Long-distance phone calls cost an arm and a leg. If we wanted to watch TV, we had a common room that the whole floor shared. Same with the kitchen. Enrollment was 36,000 and they were trying to cut that to 33,000, so there was very little effort on the part of the U to cut anybody any slack. It was an absolute blast.

I agree with everything in here. And not just because being independant will make for a better experience at college.

The one thing in all the world that a woman doesn't want to marry is a "momma's boy". If you EVER want to be married, you need to learn to put a little distance between you and your mother. I don't mean you don't still LOVE your mother and enjoy her company. But you have GOT to be able to stand up to her when you think she's wrong or interfering in your life too much. And believe me, mothers will meddle in your life if you let them. It's not that they're trying to make trouble. It's just that running your life has been THEIR JOB for almost two decades! Most will happily continue doing it for another two decades if you let them.

Aside from that I agree with those who say, "Enjoy this time." These are important years in transitioning from a kid to an adult but it doesn't mean they can't be fun too.

And Belen is spot on about the sex thing.

 

[Umbran]

And Belen is spot on about the sex thing.

No, he isn't. He missed one very important thing - for the sake all that is good, don't have kids and don't get sick! It sounds like a no-brainer, but it needs to be said. Having fun is one thing, changing the course of your life for a moment of fun is another.

 

[Rel]

No, he isn't. He missed one very important thing - for the sake all that is good, don't have kids and don't get sick! It sounds like a no-brainer, but it needs to be said. Having fun is one thing, changing the course of your life for a moment of fun is another.

I didn't say don't be careful.

 

[Tinker Gnome]

No, he isn't. He missed one very important thing - for the sake all that is good, don't have kids and don't get sick! It sounds like a no-brainer, but it needs to be said. Having fun is one thing, changing the course of your life for a moment of fun is another.

Haha, I would not worry about that. My main concern right now is just getting good grades. So, I have no intention of being in any sort of relationship.

 

[Umbran]

So, I have no intention of being in any sort of relationship.

Usually, when you have no particular intention of doing a thing is exactly when it'll be a problem.

And in college, one's abilities to keep to one's original intentions is... well, "laughable" might not be too far off the mark. You're entering a new world of people and opportunities, and closing yourself off to them sight unseen would largely miss the point of the exercise.

This goes for things other than relationships. Work your butt off to get good grades, yes. You're paying good money for that transcript and the jobs it'll get you. But all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - extracurriculars are an important way to stay sane and grow as a person.