Consent in Gaming - Free Guidebook

[Campbell]

Well the pamphlet includes references to the gaming table being a Safe Space, especially in the quotes. Personally I don't find that sort of language at all appropriate - some tables may be set up as Safe Spaces by the GM & players, but by default they are no more a Safe Space than any other form of social interaction between friends, acquaintances or strangers. GMing in a pub, like many London RPGers, I aim to keep the norms appropriate to southern English pub culture - except I ask for no RL political conversation during the game, since players are going to have widely varying political views. Is a pub a Safe Space? That will depend on what your triggers are, if any.

Conversely I did run a different game (high fantasy BECM Karameikos/Mystara) with a specific request to keep it Family Friendly since my 8 year old was playing his first D&D campaign, and I felt pretty annoyed with the player who thought it appropriate to bring in highly adult themes like her PC brutally murdering another PC's parents in their bedroom (after they had adopted her PC), then her plotting to abduct and do horrible things to the husband of a third PC (whose player is her RL boyfriend). I definitely felt she had violated the table social contract (at the least), but I was stuck since I always prioritise letting PCs act, then following through with the natural consequences. If there had been an X-card, well, I very much doubt I would have reached for it in the moment. I guess the best solution would have been calling a time out & discussing it once her intentions became clear.

I think good faith is always necessary. In the case of this problem player, in a different game her behaviour might not have been inappropriate but I got the impression it was the 'happy shiny' nature of the high fantasy setting that attracted her to want to enact her dark fantasies there.

The X-Card in particular is not really a technique I favor. Mostly, if someone is uncomfortable with something I find it more helpful to check in and take a breather so we can actually resolve things. I get its purpose, especially for public games. I want to be open enough that we can actually hash things out in a home game.

 

[Zardnaar]

(a) I didn't go into detail there, but f on m rape & castration was involved in her plan.
(b) Didn't bother my 8 year old, but bothered me the social contract was being violated.

Fair enough but did you say hey guys my 8 year old is gonna play tone it down?

One thing I have noticed with gamers is assumptions, while some things need to be spelled out.

I got in trouble with 1 DM who didn't want the messenger chat to be used for D&D just the campaign explicitly.

No one told me until later though.

 

[S'mon]

Fair enough but did you say hey guys my 8 year old is gonna play tone it down?

I said it was a Family-Friendly game in my recruitment posts (April 2015). Players signed up. This stuff happened over a year into the game.

 

[Zardnaar]

I said it was a Family-Friendly game in my recruitment posts. Players signed up. This stuff happened over a year into the game.

Fair enough, I would have a word with the players or boot them.

 

[S'mon]

Fair enough, I would have a word with the players or boot them.

Basically the PC became an NPC, new PC was initially ok but started trending same way; eventually player left.

 

[Zardnaar]

Basically the PC became an NPC, new PC was initially ok but started trending same way; eventually player left.

This is why most of the time D&D has been family and friends.
25 years in first campaign with gamestore type folk.

Last 17 years has been with my wife, I remember in the 90s try hard idiots listening to gangsta rap acting like gangstas in a group that was half female.
. They would be yelling at them to turn that crap off.

Dice box in face and punches thrown happened back then. Can't really do that now. The "gangstas" were 15/16 middle class white dudes listening to NWA imagining they were straight outta Compton. In New Zealand.

Got easier once my best friend dumped one of them. They were roll playing something I suppose.

 

[S'mon]

I said it was a Family-Friendly game in my recruitment posts (April 2015). Players signed up. This stuff happened over a year into the game.

One thing I remember about this player was that her go-to response to objections was "But I'm an innocent young girl! " - she was a student, age around 20/21. I think she probably did get away with stuff because of her looks, age & gender.

Edit: Although, realising that her boyfriend was a big old cheater and had likely been cheating his dice rolls for years was arguably more traumatic for yours truly. Really terminated my desire to GM that campaign.

 

[Zardnaar]

One thing I remember about this player was that her go-to response to objections was "But I'm an innocent young girl! " - she was a student, age around 20/21. I think she probably did get away with stuff because of her looks, age & gender.

Edit: Although, realising that her boyfriend was a big old cheater and had likely been cheating his dice rolls for years was arguably more traumatic for yours truly. Really terminated my desire to GM that campaign.

I would be fine with what she did just not with an 8 year old.

I wouldn't mix adults and kids game unless the adults were their parents and family.

 

[S'mon]

I wouldn't mix adults and kids game unless the adults were their parents and family.

Adults & kids is fine IME.
Adolescents (including 20 year olds) and kids, OTOH...

 

[Campbell]

Although, realising that her boyfriend was a big old cheater and had likely been cheating his dice rolls for years was arguably more traumatic for yours truly. Really terminated my desire to GM that campaign.

Yeah. Fudging dice rolls (cheating) on either side of the screen is one of my hard lines. If we do not want to accept the results then we should not be rolling.