Courtesy in Restaurants

[Ranger REG]

Since the thread on dealing with disruptive kids was so popular, I thought I'd try and find out what people think of this one.

Recently, my wife and I were dining out with some friends of ours in a restaurant. My wife's phone rang, and she answered it. She then had a conversation, in a normal voice, with the person on the other end. It made no difference to the noise level, given that she'd previously been having a conversation at the same volume with the three of us who were there.

Personally, had it been my phone I would have stepped outside to answer it. Do you think she was rude not to?

There were only two other customers. The topic of their conversation turned to how rude my wife was by answering her phone. They kept to that topic for several minutes. As we were sitting five feet away in an otherwise empty restaurant, I could hear it quite clearly, but they did not approach us to complain.

If you do think it is rude to make a phone call in a restaurant, do you think it is a worse offense to discuss other dinners, in their earshot, in a disparaging manner?

(I do, but since it was my wife they were criticising I am clearly biased )

You see. That's why I go to Luke's Diner, even though he has a girlfriend who answers her cell INSIDE the diner, and that goes double for the girlfriend's daughter who's now in the DAR.

It depends on the surrounding (if, for example, it's a romantic restaurant), but in all honesty, one should keep the phone conversation short. Or better yet, switch it to voicemail.

Of course, if she's always answering her cell while you're together having a discussion or trying to have a romantic dinner, then there may be some other issues.

 

[Jonny Nexus]

I was going to make a point about this...

She then had a conversation, in a normal voice, with the person on the other end. It made no difference to the noise level, given that she'd previously been having a conversation at the same volume with the three of us who were there.

...but then Wombat pretty much said what I was going to say:

Couple this with the fact that it is usually harder to hear yourself speaking on a cell phone than on a cradle phone (due to lack of feedback), people tend to actually become louder when speaking on them, this leads to a lot of disruption.

That's the reason why I don't talk on a mobile in a restaurant (I go outside) and why I try to cut calls on trains as short as possible (i.e. I say, "I'm sorry, I can't talk. I'm on a train. Can I call you back?")

Because I know that I talk just that *little* bit louder on a phone than person to person. In a restaurant I tend to keep my voice down when talking because I'm in a public place - I talk quieter than I would than if I was with friends in my front room, for example.

That's why I personally find it annoying when people have extended conversations on the train (because you can hear the sound of a cell-phone conversation above all other chatter).

So I guess my question is: "Are you absolutely sure that your wife was talking at *exactly* the same volume as she had been previously?"

(Although I still think the other table were being a tad rude in a passive-aggressive way).

 

[JoeBlank]

Its possible that he calls them back right afterwards and just says, "yeah, I wasn't answering my phone but I heard the message...." Not choosing to answer your phone isn't rude, but someone making an active point of it would strike me as a little... off, politeness-wise.

I wouldn't say I make an active point of choosing not to answer the phone, but close to it. I just don't jump and run to the phone when I hear it ring. If I am doing nothing else or the phone is nearby, I will check to see who is calling. If I want to talk to them, I will answer. Otherwise, I check any voicemail left and decide if it is urgent.

I've never really liked talking on the phone, to be honest. I do it enough at work. The phone is a tool to be used to make or maintain contact when you are unable to do so in person. I will gladly talk for extended periods to friends and relatives who live far away. Most members of my family I see once or twice a week, so any phone conversations are usually just to arrange get togethers.

Honestly, I'm not a jerk about it. My parents are now pretty much used to it, and are not as grumpy about it as they used to be.

 

[Belen]

You see. That's why I go to Luke's Diner, even though he has a girlfriend who answers her cell INSIDE the diner, and that goes double for the girlfriend's daughter who's now in the DAR. .

Please tell me you are not talking about the Gilmore girls. :\

 

[DreadPirateMurphy]

Talking on the phone (cell or otherwise) is not rude. What is rude would be:

- ignoring your dinner companions,
- being disruptive to others in the vicinity.

If I get a call while I'm talking to someone, I check the number, and if it is urgent/important (e.g., the doctor, or somebody I'm meeting later), I say, "Excuse me, I need to get this." Then I try to make the call as brief as possible. Otherwise, I ignore it.

Talking on your cell on a train is not rude unless you are so tightly packed that you're speaking directly next to the ears of other passengers, or you are being loud and boisterous and/or using inappropriate language.

Talking in a fast food restaurant, diner, etc., is the same. Calls in nicer restaurants should be kept brief. Many really nice restaurants ask you to turn off your cell phone. I still remember the maitre dis at Comme Chez Soi in Brussels rushing onto the floor to find the offender who dared let his cell phone ring at the table.

Taking a call in a theater of any kind is grounds for summary execution. Letting one ring is grounds for stoning. Letting it ring repeatedly deserves stoning followed by execution.

Talking on your cell without a headset while you are driving is dangerous and foolish. I cannot count the number of people I have seen driving too slowly, or weaving, or ignoring light changes because they have their hand to their ear, mouth in motion. If you think you are capable of doing it safely, you are fooling yourself. I have done it myself a few times, and each time has convinced me further that it is a bad idea.

In any event, your wife was probably minimally rude, at worst. The people at the other table were very rude -- they acted as if you weren't really there, rather than dealing with you in a civil fashion.

 

[Ranger REG]

Please tell me you are not talking about the Gilmore girls. :\

You gotta problem with that?

 

[was]

-I think that I'd have to ask what sort of restaurant you were dining in first before coming to any sort of conclusion. If you were in a fast-food place or in a casual sit-down environment, then I would have no problem with cell phone calls. If you were in a formal restaurant where people dress up to dine there, then I might say the call was a a tiny bit rude.

-However, the other customers were extremely rude. If they lacked the courage to come over and politely ask you not to take calls, or to have the waiter do it for them, then I think they should have kept quiet about it. As was stated earlier, this passive-aggressive nonsense was extremely rude.

 

[Hypersmurf]

I don't have a mobile either.

But when my girlfriend's land-line rings, and she just decides she can't be bothered answering it... it does my head in!

"... aren't you going to answer that?"
"Nah. Don't want to talk to anyone."
"... but... what if it's important?"
"Then they'll try my mobile."
"... well... can I answer it?"

Maybe it's just how I was raised... but I can't not-answer a ringing land-line!

-Hyp.

 

[Zappo]

Not rude, if the phone didn't have a loud ringtone, if she was indeed talking at a normal volume, and if the conversation was brief. The other customers OTOH were definitely very rude!

Personally, my mobile is always on vibration alone (I'll delete the ringtones to free up memory as soon as I figure out how). I honestly don't get why I am alone in this. I don't see why everybody in the room needs to know that someone is calling me.

 

[glass]

My take:

It's not rude to take the call at the table, unless she talked for ages.

I would have been different if there had just been the two of you. In that case it would have been rude to take the call whether she stayed at the table or not, unless it was a real emergency and very brief.

OTOH, it was very rude of the other patron to talk disparigingly about your wife knowing she would hear, but not saying it to her face. Rude and as other have said, passive agressive, which IMO is worse.


glass.