Dating someone older or younger- seriously.

[jeff37923]

This is going to be another Something*Positive storyline, isn't it?

 

[The_Universe]

Not in Illinois and not according to the Model Criminal Code followed by many states. Sexual contact on anyone under the age of consent is a crime - even by another under the age of consent. Admittedly the penalties go up significantly if the age difference is more than five years apart.

And the age of consent in Illinois is 18? Interesting (in an academic way, sickos!). I can't say for Virginia/DC/Marlyand, but I know that it is 16 in South Dakota.

 

[mythago]

What pogre said--don't assume that because you heard somewhere that some state has a "Romeo and Juliet" law, that you're OK, or that 16 is probably old enough. Every state varies. And if you're a heterosexual couple, there's that little "contraceptive failure" issue to worry about, y'know?

I have generally dated older guys and only once dated somebody significantly younger (never. again. NEVER!). My husband is 12 years older. My observations--

--The age gap looks very, very different from the older side. When I was a teenager, the idea of dating a college-age guy seemed perfectly normal. When I was college-age, I could see that the guys my age who dated high-schoolers did so because they saw those girls as cute, easily manipulated and disposable. I myself dated somebody "just legal" when I was a law student. He got very badly hurt, because I mostly saw him as somebody cute and fun to hang around, while he, being inexperienced in relationships, really had no frame of reference for dealing with his emotions about the whole thing.

--The age gap matters more when you're younger. 14 and 20 is a much bigger gap than 40 and 50.

--LIfe experience matters more than numbers. When I met my spouse, I'd already been living on my own, had been married and divorced, and gone to law school. If I'd been typical for my age at the time and had just gotten out of college, we would have had a lot less to talk about.

and here I am having waded through Undergrad and some Graduate courses and now Law school; I've little to say that they can relate to

Try the misogyny jokes! Older chicks think they're adorable.

 

[AFGNCAAP]

My current girlfriend is about 3 years younger than me, & our ups & downs are normal relationship-based ones rather than age-based ones. My previous girlfriend was about 3 years older than me, & age wasn't much of an issue there, either (long-distance was, tho).

I'd say it ultimately depends on the people involved. My dad's 20 years older than my mom (3 generations worth of tension/arguments there), and though they've had rough patches, they're still together (though my dad can be a stubborn old crank, he's a good-hearted, nice guy overall). My uncle is in a similar situation, though his marriage isn't very rosy ATM--it's more a matter of expectations and personalities overall, FWIW.

For me, I'd have to say that a decade of difference is the cut-off point, but ultimately it's a matter of if the couple's personalities & interests mesh well at all (which is important to a relationship despite age). Age & life experiences have an impact on this, but the two don't always go at the same rate for some.

 

[Orblivia]

I mean, has anyone out there dated someone three or more years older or younger than them? If so, did it work? How was it viewed? Did anyone give you crap about it? Did the other person's parents have a good or bad opinion of the relationship?

I DO care how people view my relationships, because if I'm going to date someone, I don't want my friends to view my relationship in a negative manner, and I sure as heck don't want my partner's parents (or my parents) giving me crap about it. So is there anyone out there who's been in such a situation? How did it go?

Well UltimaGabe-

I can tell you I hit the cusp of this, my boyfriend and I are 3 years apart, I am 27 and he is 24. It works very well for us but there have been some maturity issues at various points, him expecting too much or me expecting too much. This was early on, and through very frank discussions and realistic compromise worked it out. It works but we both had to realize we are in slightly different places, I am firmly entrenched in my career now and he is getting underway in his. When we met I was just starting out and he was searching. It is a great deal of growth and going with the flow. However if love is there, as well as trust, understanding, humor and respect - it should work. It depends largely on the people.


As to crap a bit. My parents wanted me to date older than myself, his family was ok with it. His friends were ok with it as were mine. Not that I really ever looked to them as the arbiter of my choices. Parental approval is nice and he recieved it in time.

That said if your going to worry about negative viewspoints on your relationship with another I would find out how those people you worry so much about feel about such things. It beats hurting a young man or woman by having them see you be embarassed of them, or try to hide them.

Also if your 40 and she is 15 your a Humbert and need to seek help.

Just some thoughts.

Best of luck.

 

[ph34r]

You can find the age of consent by state here:
http://www.webistry.net/jan/consent.html

 

[Piratecat]

Try the misogyny jokes! Older chicks think they're adorable.

But only when you refer to them as "chickie-boos." I have it on good authority that they like that especially.

 

[Angcuru]

Well, one of my professors, who worked on developing Megan's Law, has, with some of his collegues, delveloped a theory about this sort of thing. To find someone's relative maturity by age, add 5 years if they're female, and subtract 5 years if they're male. Makes a LOT of sense to me. But as with everything, there are exceptions.

 

[Felix]

But only when you refer to them as "chickie-boos." I have it on good authority that they like that especially.

Yeah, that one works wonders!

"Breeding stock" on the other hand will earn you a red handprinted face. For the life of me I don't know why.

 

[Piratecat]

"Breeding stock" on the other hand will earn you a red handprinted face. For the life of me I don't know why.

Hijack: in a very memorable gaming session, the PCs ran across interplanar slavers. The group was really restraining themselves, trying to parley, until one of them poked the female ranger in the chest and said "You will make excellent breeding stock."

The carnage was mighty. You can still make the player grimace by mentioning those words to her.