Dealing with a problem player...

[Janx]

comments about other players of that nature would have been a firing offense in the office. That's a clue right there of what to do.

You got a lotta reasons that the player is disruptive and should be dumped.

Dump him.

Make sure has none of your stuff. Call him or talk at a neutral place, and tell him the group has discussed it and he is being let go.

If you DO cite reasons, be brief and to the point (use a note card if you have to). Do not let it drag out. Either way he'll probably be hurt and angry. Therefore, it is in your best interests to keep it short. Telling him reasons won't work, because if he could acknowledge his flaws, he'd already be reigning them in. The real reason he'll bring them up, is so he can argue that you're wrong, and he is right.

 

[Dykstrav]

Thanks for all the input. Now that I've had some time to think about it... I kinda knew that I'm going to kick this person out, I just needed to hear some validation that I'm doing the right thing to work up the gumption to do it.

Seems like I should clarify a bit though...

Out of curiosity, is the player playing at level 2 because she forgot to add the exp points to her sheet, or because she missed that many sessions?

She's missed an odd session here or there, but her experience point total was hovering around 5,300 xp when she realized that she never leveled her character up. Yes, she's almost fifth level and didn't realize it. Her explanation for this was that she assumed the character generator on DDI allowed the DM to update xp totals for their players through the application and she didn't realize that she'd gained two levels already. She also knows that I'm not using DDI.

The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back came this morning when she posted a message to our group's board about it. She's basically planning to skip next week's session, is being kinda snotty because she wants the xp anyway, and feels that I should give her xp as a (direct quote) "good faith gesture." She wants me to bump her xp total to equal that of the group's highest-xp character. She's not happy with the situation because I make tracking xp incumbent on the players--I give out individual xp rewards for roleplaying, individual story goals, participation in skill challenges and the like.

The players have different xp totals from one another, and a one-level gap is pretty common. We even have two-level gaps from time to time. Our current group has seven characters, most of which are fourth level. Despite the "no game, no xp" policy being pretty much iron-clad, my impression is that she's either too lazy to track her own xp or she's trying to act like she was uninformed about what the character builder and DDI do.

You sound reluctant, why?

I kinda am. A big part of my occupation is to be confrontational and point out what others are doing incorrectly. I don't enjoy being confrontational at work and then having to be confrontational at the game table. It's a failing and I'm going to address it.

There's a pity issue too. She's been through a terrible divorce and is constantly dealing with family issues. We're basically her only "friends," but as I get to know her better, my impression is more and more that we're simply the group of people that put up with her for now. Still, having a bad romance or family situation explains why you might be upset or sensitive, it doesn't give you carte blanche to be a jerk. She's pretty much exhausted any empathy I had for her though.

Take him up on the offer...he might become a better player afterwords.

The problem player is actually a woman. While attempting to respect the "Eric's grandma" rule, suffice to say it's a big "no." You wouldn't be interested, trust me. The way this incident played out... We had a friend in town who was basically only able to play one session. When she left, the player commented that she wished the guest player was bi. I immediately told her that no one wants to hear about that particular area of her life, wherein she promptly stuck her foot in her mouth by telling me that she wished my girlfriend was bi because she's been interested in threesomes before. Yes, I immediately stopped what we were doing to tell her that it wasn't cool. In all fairness, I can't tell if she's joking or not.

This dude sounds like a jerk and is using political correctness as some kind of crutch or something.

It seems like it. For starters, we're frequently reminded that there aren't enough women in our group. In respect to ENWorld's "no politics" rule, I won't go further than that. Suffice to say that we've mutually agreed to not talk about politics and she does it anyway.

 

[Raven Crowking]

DMing is not an obligation.

Playing in your game is not a right.

In the words of Dan Savage, DTMFA.


RC

 

[thatdarnedbob]

Look, there are many different styles of player, and the skilled DM has to learn to deal with them as individuals and give them the kind of game they can enjoy. You've already identified what kind of player she is, so why can't you be a good DM and tailor your style to make her experience more enjoyable? It's clear that in this case, the problem lies in your control-freakish nature and unwillingness to bend your rigid rules. Also, try to be a bit more open-minded about your players' personal lives; what right do you have to judge what their sexual preferences should be?





But in all seriousness, kick her to the curb.

 

[fanboy2000]

Thanks for all the input. Now that I've had some time to think about it... I kinda knew that I'm going to kick this person out, I just needed to hear some validation that I'm doing the right thing to work up the gumption to do it.

Hey, it's not often we get such a clear-cut case for booting a player.

That said, there might be a more passive-agressive way of getting rid of her. For example, you could:

1. Change the location of the game and forget to tell her.

2. Kill her PC and make her start at 1st level.

3. If she's not coming this session, you could simply encourage her to continue to skip sessions. You know, something along the lines of, "You know, this session is really just a continuing of last session. You'd be lost if you came in now, why don't you go clubbing instead?"


Or you could say "Hey, you missed the last two sessions, so we used your character as a meat shield, and hey, while I've got you on the phone, could you roll a d20? Uh-huh. That's not good, I'm afraid that you PC died. Why don't you stay home the next game game session and make-up a new PC at first level." And then, if she's still thinking about coming, "You know, we can't integrate a new PC into the party, they're nowhere near a tavern and it'll be a while, why don't I call you once there's an opening?"

 

[vagabundo]

Well you've given her enough time to change her ways, you have two options now:

* Kick her
* Tell her your going to kick her and give her a last chance.

I doubt she can change really.

 

[pawsplay]

ha, I nearly booted an old college buddy of mine from our game for talking too much about how he wished my wife would play her character in combat.

 

[Janx]

Look, there are many different styles of player, and the skilled DM has to learn to deal with them as individuals and give them the kind of game they can enjoy. You've already identified what kind of player she is, so why can't you be a good DM and tailor your style to make her experience more enjoyable? It's clear that in this case, the problem lies in your control-freakish nature and unwillingness to bend your rigid rules. Also, try to be a bit more open-minded about your players' personal lives; what right do you have to judge what their sexual preferences should be?





But in all seriousness, kick her to the curb.

This was written as a joke, and the OP has acknowledged he needs to kick the problem player out...but here's an applicable rebuttal anyway:

D&D is a DM's market. If you are a "good" DM there are plenty of players who will play what you're offering. Therefore, you do not have to bend to the wishes of whackjob players. That player can leave the group, and you will find an eager replacement.

As for fanboy2000's passive aggressive suggestion, I hope he's joking.

Passive-aggressive strategies are cowardly and spineless. They often cause more problems and resentment. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You can be diplomatic about it, but don't dance around a problem.

 

[Nifft]

That said, there might be a more passive-agressive way of getting rid of her.

Nooooooooooooo!

"Don't give in to the Dark Side!", -- N

 

[Nightson]

Do the other players want her gone? If they do, you owe it to them to inform her that she won't be playing with you.