Dealing with a problem player...

[Betote]

I always find those kind of problems odd, as I only game with friends and I've always assumed everyone did the same.

There have been times when I've games with "a friend's friend", or a convention game or something like that, but my regular, fortnightly game is for friends.

 

[Oryan77]

Look, there are many different styles of player, and the skilled DM has to learn to deal with them as individuals and give them the kind of game they can enjoy. You've already identified what kind of player she is, so why can't you be a good DM and tailor your style to make her experience more enjoyable? It's clear that in this case, the problem lies in your control-freakish nature and unwillingness to bend your rigid rules. Also, try to be a bit more open-minded about your players' personal lives; what right do you have to judge what their sexual preferences should be?

Haha, good one. You had me all the way to the end. I thought it must have been opposite day or something.

I'm so surprised by the amount of people suggesting that the player be booted. People used to blabber on about sitting down and talking it out first....now it's, "dump him...NOW!"

It's nice to see people finally caring about their game & good players first instead of worrying about looking like a meanie. I always tried to talk it out first, and it never worked. Now I have no tolerance for problem players and my games have been so much more fun.

The less we tolerate these players the more likely people will knock it off and shape up

 

[SteveC]

This is one of those situations that seem to crop up all too often in gaming, largely because many gamers will do anything to avoid a conflict.

You don't have to be mean or a jerk, just let her know that things aren't working out at the gaming table, both due to play styles and being uncomfortable outside of the game. I'd say "I hope you find a group that's a better fit," and call it a day.

I think that will remove a huge weight from your shoulders when you do it. Good luck!

--Steve

 

[fanboy2000]

As for fanboy2000's passive aggressive suggestion, I hope he's joking.

Passive-aggressive strategies are cowardly and spineless. They often cause more problems and resentment. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You can be diplomatic about it, but don't dance around a problem.

Hey, I just provided suggestions. I never said they should be put to use.

Nooooooooooooo!

"Don't give in to the Dark Side!", -- N

"The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural."

 

[frankthedm]

I always find those kind of problems odd, as I only game with friends and I've always assumed everyone did the same.

There have been times when I've games with "a friend's friend", or a convention game or something like that, but my regular, fortnightly game is for friends.

The situation i prefer as well, but it is not always the case for all game groups.

Here is a great link JIC it did not get posted yet.

Five Geek Social Fallacies

 

[ppaladin123]

The player is openly bisexual (which no one really cares about in and of itself), the problem is that the player openly discusses what they'd like to do with same-sex players when those players are not present. That's made everyone uncomfortable, but no one wants to say anything about it because they don't want to violate political correctness.

She can't hide behind political correctness if she is making crude sexual remarks about other players (male or female) and making sexual advances toward the DM. If it is unwanted and you've told her to stop before then it is a form of sexual harassment. It doesn't matter whether she is homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual or sexual attracted to dolphins, her behavior is inappropriate. This applies equally to men and women alike.

 

[delericho]

They refuse to read the rules on the basis that the character builder on DDI prints out cards with all their powers and associated text.

I'm not sure this by itself is a big problem. For the most part, the rules are simple enough that they should be able to pick them up as they go. However...

During the game, they sit there and doodle or work on other things until their turn comes up, then deliberate for minutes about what to do.

I would simply not allow this. In my games, once a player's turn arrives, they have to promptly declare at least their first action for their turn, or they simply lose their turn. (Of course, "I delay" is a valid answer.)

I've asked this player to stay more involved in the game and pay attention when their turn isn't up, and after five months, there's been no change in the behavior.

Boot them. If they're not actually interested in the game, get rid. There's no shame in that - it's not a judgement on the individual in question. But if they're being disruptive, and aren't going to change, it's time for them to go.

In my campaign, I have a fairly strict, "you don't play, you don't gain XP" policy. I don't want casual players breezing in and out if they feel like playing this week or not, and it's the only policy I've ever found that effectively addresses the issue.

I would advise against this policy. The issue there is that if a player is borderline on whether they're enjoying the game and so missing sessions, seeing their character fall further and further behind won't encourage them to come back - it will simply cause them to enjoy the game less and less, and so cause them to miss more and more sessions.

So, these days I advise that all PCs should maintain the same XP total (even if the player can't make it, and even if it's a replacement PC for one who has died). However, if a player isn't attending as regularly as they 'should' (as defined by the group/DM), then they would be asked to improve their attendance or leave.

This morning, the player flat-out asked me to bump their experience total to that of our highest-xp party member on the basis of their ignorance, citing the DMG's guidelines about keeping players on an even footing.

You said "no", of course? Did he also cite the DMG's "say yes" advice to you?

Ultimately, the running of the game is down to the DM, not the DMG. Of course, the DM should take player views into consideration (and give them serious consideration), but the DM really does have to be the final arbiter.

On a personal level, this player wanted to dicuss political issues until the group made it clear that we don't all share their opinion--at that point, the player got snotty and insisted that we can't discuss politics or religion when they are present.

The player is openly bisexual (which no one really cares about in and of itself), the problem is that the player openly discusses what they'd like to do with same-sex players when those players are not present. That's made everyone uncomfortable, but no one wants to say anything about it because they don't want to violate political correctness.

Stuff that. Consider: if the problem player in question were a straight guy, and the player he was mouthing off about were an attractive female gamer, would you have a problem speaking up? If it were your girlfriend, would you have a problem?

No? Then speak up now. A simple, "Dude! Inappropriate!" should suffice. If it persists, tell them in no unceratain terms to stop talking, or promptly invite them to leave.

This player has managed to piss off everyone at the table pretty severely. Every session, this player pushes a button or rubs someone the wrong way and it affects their enjoyment of the game. The other players have petitioned me to kick them out for months now, and I've basically either put it off with hopes of them improving, or viewed it as personality conflicts between players with abrasive personalities and thin skins.

Boot them. If the player was annoying just you, or if the player was annoying just one member of the group, then you might be right about "personality conflicts" or "abrasive personalities and thin skins". But once it's one guy causing grief for everyone, the thing to do is eliminate the common factor: the problem player.

And, bluntly, if it has been months now, what are you waiting for? Is it really going to take a mass walk-out by your other players before you take action to get rid of the one guy you don't like anyway?

Get rid. Do it now. And stop poisoning your game.

 

[roguerouge]

May I ask a question? Why do you have to do this? Why can't your players take some ownership of the table? It's their game too, and, since you agree with them, why not do it as a group?

 

[SiderisAnon]

May I ask a question? Why do you have to do this? Why can't your players take some ownership of the table? It's their game too, and, since you agree with them, why not do it as a group?

I can answer that without ever having met this gaming group.

They players are passing the buck to the DM. They don't want to deal with the confrontation and so the DM gets the happy "responsibility".

It's such a common human reaction that I've seen many long threads on EN World alone about just this situation.

 

[Inyssius]

Kick their ass out.