dungeon blaster
First Post
Let's hear about the time your 7th level wizard baleful polymorphed his archenemy into a cat...who promptly tore him to shreds. Give me your stories of ineptitude, stupidity, embarassment, and humiliation!
Describe your most humiliating defeat
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Crothian
First Post
Shadowrun back in the winter of 94
We have a good group of highly compitant freelancers. We are chasing a bad guy who just blew up out riggers truck. So, we spot a 18 wheeler and we go to steal it to give chase. There was a truckdriver in it. A normal guy, nothing special about him. My troll goes up rips off the door and tries to remove him. In shadowrun, you roll bunches of d6s over half of them turned up ones. He punches me. The DM rolls 3 sixes, rolls them again they all come up 6's and again they all are 4 or higher. I get knocked out on a single punch. That night the dice were against us, we got our butt kicked by a truck driver. We had guns, it didn't matter, we had cybertenics, didn't matter. WE rolled terrible, the DM rolled amaizingly well. We call him the Truck driver from Hell.
We have a good group of highly compitant freelancers. We are chasing a bad guy who just blew up out riggers truck. So, we spot a 18 wheeler and we go to steal it to give chase. There was a truckdriver in it. A normal guy, nothing special about him. My troll goes up rips off the door and tries to remove him. In shadowrun, you roll bunches of d6s over half of them turned up ones. He punches me. The DM rolls 3 sixes, rolls them again they all come up 6's and again they all are 4 or higher. I get knocked out on a single punch. That night the dice were against us, we got our butt kicked by a truck driver. We had guns, it didn't matter, we had cybertenics, didn't matter. WE rolled terrible, the DM rolled amaizingly well. We call him the Truck driver from Hell.
Delemental
First Post
Torg, several years ago.
We were trying to stop an insane cultist from completing a ritual that would turn the population of Cairo into zombies under his control. We find the cultist, but he has a ward up that prevents anyone from getting closer than 50 feet. Unfortunately, our entire party is comprised of close combat or short-range characters. What few attacks we can make miss pathetically, and our attempts to overcome the ward also end in failure. So basically we got to watch the ritual be completed without interruption. The only survivor was my character, who used a dimensional travel power to escape before the ritual's power zombified him (and before you ask, the dimensional travel power was only grossly accurate, so it was not possible to use it to get inside the ward).
It was after this that we all started contemplating making sniper characters...
We were trying to stop an insane cultist from completing a ritual that would turn the population of Cairo into zombies under his control. We find the cultist, but he has a ward up that prevents anyone from getting closer than 50 feet. Unfortunately, our entire party is comprised of close combat or short-range characters. What few attacks we can make miss pathetically, and our attempts to overcome the ward also end in failure. So basically we got to watch the ritual be completed without interruption. The only survivor was my character, who used a dimensional travel power to escape before the ritual's power zombified him (and before you ask, the dimensional travel power was only grossly accurate, so it was not possible to use it to get inside the ward).
It was after this that we all started contemplating making sniper characters...
WayneLigon
Adventurer
Steading of the Hill Giant Chief, 1983-ish.
My thief character is inside the stockade walls and is trying to gather intel on the area. The cave bear sniffs him out and is going to charge. Thinking 'Aha, the cave bear will trip and fall, giving me time to scamper over the wall', thief pulls out his Oil of Slipperiness and hurls it in front of the charging cave bear. Thief then turns facing the wall to begin climbing.
The cave bear's feet become frictionless surfaces, the bear goes 'Mrrph?' and his entire half-ton bulk accelerates dramatically, crushing my character to death against the steading wall.
My thief character is inside the stockade walls and is trying to gather intel on the area. The cave bear sniffs him out and is going to charge. Thinking 'Aha, the cave bear will trip and fall, giving me time to scamper over the wall', thief pulls out his Oil of Slipperiness and hurls it in front of the charging cave bear. Thief then turns facing the wall to begin climbing.
The cave bear's feet become frictionless surfaces, the bear goes 'Mrrph?' and his entire half-ton bulk accelerates dramatically, crushing my character to death against the steading wall.
Rel
Liquid Awesome
It wasn't my character and it wasn't exactly total defeat, but it was humiliating.
We discovered that a Werewolf that had been terrorizing this small town was the son of a powerful wizard. We hunted down the Werewolf and killed him, discovering in the process that his father had been knowingly covering up the murders. So we found a back way into this wizard's castle and snuck inside. We fought our way through the guards and finally managed to confront the wizard and his illusionist wife in their chambers.
The monk in the party managed to score a critical strike that precisely knocked the woman unconscious. The rest of us ganged up on the wizard and beat him hard enough that he fled, flying, through a window.
His speed was such that the only person who could keep up with him was the monk, who promptly dove through the window in pursuit and chased after the wizard. Unfortunately the monk had no ranged attacks whatsoever and couldn't do much about the wizard getting away. Finally, in utter desperation, the monk simply yelled up at the wizard:
"HEY!!"
This got the wizards attention and he circled back to hover some 30 feet over the monk, "What?"
The player running the monk hadn't honestly thought the guy would respond and had no idea what to say. As the rest of us watched on in silent anticipation he finally said, "We've got your wife!"
The wizard promptly lightning bolted the monk, very nearly killing him outright and the monk fled, limping, back to the castle.
Ever since then whenever a character pauses for a long time wondering what to say to an NPC, we always blurt out, "We've got your wife!"
We discovered that a Werewolf that had been terrorizing this small town was the son of a powerful wizard. We hunted down the Werewolf and killed him, discovering in the process that his father had been knowingly covering up the murders. So we found a back way into this wizard's castle and snuck inside. We fought our way through the guards and finally managed to confront the wizard and his illusionist wife in their chambers.
The monk in the party managed to score a critical strike that precisely knocked the woman unconscious. The rest of us ganged up on the wizard and beat him hard enough that he fled, flying, through a window.
His speed was such that the only person who could keep up with him was the monk, who promptly dove through the window in pursuit and chased after the wizard. Unfortunately the monk had no ranged attacks whatsoever and couldn't do much about the wizard getting away. Finally, in utter desperation, the monk simply yelled up at the wizard:
"HEY!!"
This got the wizards attention and he circled back to hover some 30 feet over the monk, "What?"
The player running the monk hadn't honestly thought the guy would respond and had no idea what to say. As the rest of us watched on in silent anticipation he finally said, "We've got your wife!"
The wizard promptly lightning bolted the monk, very nearly killing him outright and the monk fled, limping, back to the castle.
Ever since then whenever a character pauses for a long time wondering what to say to an NPC, we always blurt out, "We've got your wife!"
RECON/Palladium Fantasy
This was in high school, many many moons ago when the gaming was fast and furious. My players were RECON characters, vietnam era soldiers, and I wasn't quite as meticulate checking their character sheets as I have learned to be nowadays. They were transported into the past and after a number of minor encounters the brave soldiers came across the boss, a hydra. Jeremy, a good buddy of mine back then, happened to be toting a .50 cal heavy MG. To my dismay, he apparently had jotted down a belt of nothing but explosive rounds. If I was running the game now I would have had a chance of the belt jamming or something ackward happening, but back then all I could do is gape as he figured out the damage after he emptied the belt in full auto into my poor hydra and ended the climatic battle in a single round. But, a GM rolls with the punches..
after the hydra was completely annhilated by the thousands (yes, as in multiple 0s) points of SDC damage, the hydra's *magical* heads began to fly around a la Freddy's Dead. Yes, weak, I know, but I had to come up with something on the fly (get it, fly??). The party actually had a challenge in killing the seven flying heads.
Thank goodness I've learned a thing or two since then.
This was in high school, many many moons ago when the gaming was fast and furious. My players were RECON characters, vietnam era soldiers, and I wasn't quite as meticulate checking their character sheets as I have learned to be nowadays. They were transported into the past and after a number of minor encounters the brave soldiers came across the boss, a hydra. Jeremy, a good buddy of mine back then, happened to be toting a .50 cal heavy MG. To my dismay, he apparently had jotted down a belt of nothing but explosive rounds. If I was running the game now I would have had a chance of the belt jamming or something ackward happening, but back then all I could do is gape as he figured out the damage after he emptied the belt in full auto into my poor hydra and ended the climatic battle in a single round. But, a GM rolls with the punches..
after the hydra was completely annhilated by the thousands (yes, as in multiple 0s) points of SDC damage, the hydra's *magical* heads began to fly around a la Freddy's Dead. Yes, weak, I know, but I had to come up with something on the fly (get it, fly??). The party actually had a challenge in killing the seven flying heads.
Thank goodness I've learned a thing or two since then.
GMing this one in an Eberron campaign:
The players: Vel (human ranger and expatriate pirate from the Lhazaar Principalities), Corden (rogue, scion of House Orien), Corden's poor cleric companion, and Vanity (Vel's dinosaur companion).
Vel and Corden are transporting the body of Aric d'Tharashk to Korth to be raised in a proper Church of Vol, after he's died in a duel in Aundair. Now, while transporting the body on the lightning rail, the party has already been beset by a band of Valenar horsemen looking to take the body. To make a long story short, they COOPERATE with the train robbers, go with them, and escape with the body cross-country when orcs attack. After sneaking through the countryside to the border into Karrnath, Corden acquires the coach that's been reserved for them and, only a day behind, they get on their way.
Now, the corpse is hiding an artifact inside it (unbeknownst to the party), and the only thing masking it from popping up on every wizard's radar was the sarcophagus that the body was in. Which, of course, was left behind in the cross-country escape.
So they get stopped by the Karrnathi Customs Officers, who would like to check out the coach. After some dissembling, Vel figures the proper action is to whip the horses and high-tail it out of there. So the coach takes off at a high rate of speed, with the cleric and dinosaur inside, Corden on the roof firing a crossbow at the pursuing Customs officers (mounted on horseback) and Vel urging the horses faster and faster with successful Handle Animal checks.
The border town was designed like San Francisco, my idea of a stereotypical town on a bay. Complete with large hills and sudden turns. Well-telegraphed, mind you, but still unwise at high speeds. Rushing down a hill, the horses are running at breakneck speed and Vel is burning Action Points to maintain control.
GM: "Okay, there's a T-junction up ahead. Left or right?"
Vel: "Right! We could see the exit to town that way and we'll be through the gates!"
GM: "All right, at a flat run, pulling a coach, on a well-kept street, going downhill - I'll call it DC 14. Make your Handle Animal check."
Vel: *rolls a 1* "Burning an action point?" *rolls a 1* "Oh, fudgesicle (edited for Eric's grandma)."
Corden: "Fudgesicle?"
Vel: "Modified... 7?"
GM: "One of the horses throws a shoe and stumbles. The harnesses snap and the horse is run over by the coach in the chaos. Handle Animal check of DC 16 to keep control of the other horse (I was being overly generous here, I think), DC 16 to regain control of the coach."
Vel: *rolls a 2* "I'm out of Action points. Modified 7?"
GM: *sigh*
Corden: "Oh maaaaan..."
Figured that at the speeds they were going, to treat it as a fall at pretty close to terminal velocity. Coach runs over horse, goes airborne, meets wall of shop at high rate of speed.
Vel - reduced to -17 HP. Thin red paste
Cleric cohort - reduced to -24HP. Thin red vapor
Vanity - thrown clear at *1* hit point
Corden - rolls a natural 20 on Reflex save, flies through second story window and onto bed, breaks bed, reduced to 6HP.
Body of noble? torn to shreds in the crash
That kind of killed the campaign right then and there.
The players: Vel (human ranger and expatriate pirate from the Lhazaar Principalities), Corden (rogue, scion of House Orien), Corden's poor cleric companion, and Vanity (Vel's dinosaur companion).
Vel and Corden are transporting the body of Aric d'Tharashk to Korth to be raised in a proper Church of Vol, after he's died in a duel in Aundair. Now, while transporting the body on the lightning rail, the party has already been beset by a band of Valenar horsemen looking to take the body. To make a long story short, they COOPERATE with the train robbers, go with them, and escape with the body cross-country when orcs attack. After sneaking through the countryside to the border into Karrnath, Corden acquires the coach that's been reserved for them and, only a day behind, they get on their way.
Now, the corpse is hiding an artifact inside it (unbeknownst to the party), and the only thing masking it from popping up on every wizard's radar was the sarcophagus that the body was in. Which, of course, was left behind in the cross-country escape.
So they get stopped by the Karrnathi Customs Officers, who would like to check out the coach. After some dissembling, Vel figures the proper action is to whip the horses and high-tail it out of there. So the coach takes off at a high rate of speed, with the cleric and dinosaur inside, Corden on the roof firing a crossbow at the pursuing Customs officers (mounted on horseback) and Vel urging the horses faster and faster with successful Handle Animal checks.
The border town was designed like San Francisco, my idea of a stereotypical town on a bay. Complete with large hills and sudden turns. Well-telegraphed, mind you, but still unwise at high speeds. Rushing down a hill, the horses are running at breakneck speed and Vel is burning Action Points to maintain control.
GM: "Okay, there's a T-junction up ahead. Left or right?"
Vel: "Right! We could see the exit to town that way and we'll be through the gates!"
GM: "All right, at a flat run, pulling a coach, on a well-kept street, going downhill - I'll call it DC 14. Make your Handle Animal check."
Vel: *rolls a 1* "Burning an action point?" *rolls a 1* "Oh, fudgesicle (edited for Eric's grandma)."
Corden: "Fudgesicle?"
Vel: "Modified... 7?"
GM: "One of the horses throws a shoe and stumbles. The harnesses snap and the horse is run over by the coach in the chaos. Handle Animal check of DC 16 to keep control of the other horse (I was being overly generous here, I think), DC 16 to regain control of the coach."
Vel: *rolls a 2* "I'm out of Action points. Modified 7?"
GM: *sigh*
Corden: "Oh maaaaan..."
Figured that at the speeds they were going, to treat it as a fall at pretty close to terminal velocity. Coach runs over horse, goes airborne, meets wall of shop at high rate of speed.
Vel - reduced to -17 HP. Thin red paste
Cleric cohort - reduced to -24HP. Thin red vapor
Vanity - thrown clear at *1* hit point
Corden - rolls a natural 20 on Reflex save, flies through second story window and onto bed, breaks bed, reduced to 6HP.
Body of noble? torn to shreds in the crash
That kind of killed the campaign right then and there.
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
Game of Mage. I was a scrying junkie in the game, very good at it. Decided to do a routine scry on the enemies.
Here's how Mage works:
-You have a pool of dice: the better at a skill you are, the bigger the pool of dice is. (I had six dice).
-YOu have a target number you're trying to reach. Each die at or above that target number is a "success." The more successes you get, the better job you do at the task. (My target was eight).
-Every one you roll cancels out one success. If you roll more ones than successes, you botch: the more ones you've got in a botch, the worse things go.
So I rolled:
1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 4.
My routine scrying almost killed me.
Daniel
Here's how Mage works:
-You have a pool of dice: the better at a skill you are, the bigger the pool of dice is. (I had six dice).
-YOu have a target number you're trying to reach. Each die at or above that target number is a "success." The more successes you get, the better job you do at the task. (My target was eight).
-Every one you roll cancels out one success. If you roll more ones than successes, you botch: the more ones you've got in a botch, the worse things go.
So I rolled:
1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 4.
My routine scrying almost killed me.
Daniel
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
Rel said:
Wise words!Daniel
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