DM Dilemma - Need Help

[Fast Learner]

Most of the other posters (except the clueless "molesting" guy) have it: If Rick was a female and Ken a straight male, you'd surely not put up with her being harassed. This should be treated as an identical situation: unwanted sexual advances after having been clearly told they are unwanted are simply unacceptable. Make absolutely certain Ken knows it's not ok by specifically talking to him about it privately. The next time he flirts immediately pull him aside and tell him that's an example of what's not acceptable. If he can't figure it out/stop/help himself, tell him that you require that your players have a level of social maturity that Ken doesn't seem to have and that he's no longer welcome at your game.

 

[Bryan Vining]

A different take

The problem here is that Rick isn't making himself clear, even though he thinks he has.

Rick is doing something to allow the behavior to go on. My guess, knowing no more than I do, is that he isn't saying something as soon as the hitting on begins, thereby letting Ken know that he will tolerate some amount of this behavior.

What should you do? Well, if you wish advice, I'd suggest to you that you have a conversation with Rick, and then one with Ken. Let each of them know what is bothering you about his behavior. Be open and honest and welcome anything they say. Pass judgement on none of it, and try to be as neutral as you can. Then, urge them to talk with one another. The other option is to boot one of them from the group, since that will be the eventual outcome if this is dealt with surreptitiously.

Good luck!

 

[Angelsboi]

As Teflon Billys Resident Homosexuall Mascot i have this to say.

Its hard to judge as we only know YOUR side of the story. I play in a sunday game with me and another gay man and the rest are straight guys. One of them is a Paladin of Tyr. Marcus of Tyr. I am Bernedette deChantraine, A Caller.

Now, David (Marcus) and myself had a talk about this as Bernedette was flirting with Marcus. Shes into bookbinding and he has calligraphy. Shes even making him a nice book with Tyrs symbol in stones on it as a gift.

He even went so far as to put himself (at 3 HPs) to protect Bernedette (0 HPs) from an onslaught attack.

I told David, "Hey, if you feel uncomfortable, let me know. I just thought it was interesting our characters have the same thoughts, opinions and you have calligraphy and i have book binding."

His response? "Im an adult. I know the difference between fantasy and reality."

Make sure BOTH players are aware of Fantasy and Reality. Maybe Rick isnt blunt about it. Maybe Ken is RPing. Maybe Ken is pushing himself on Rick and maybe Rick is being blunt.

Just make sure both know the difference.

 

[Shadeus]

As Teflon Billys Resident Homosexuall Mascot i have this to say.

Its hard to judge as we only know YOUR side of the story. I play in a sunday game with me and another gay man and the rest are straight guys. One of them is a Paladin of Tyr. Marcus of Tyr. I am Bernedette deChantraine, A Caller.

Now, David (Marcus) and myself had a talk about this as Bernedette was flirting with Marcus. Shes into bookbinding and he has calligraphy. Shes even making him a nice book with Tyrs symbol in stones on it as a gift.

He even went so far as to put himself (at 3 HPs) to protect Bernedette (0 HPs) from an onslaught attack.

I told David, "Hey, if you feel uncomfortable, let me know. I just thought it was interesting our characters have the same thoughts, opinions and you have calligraphy and i have book binding."

His response? "Im an adult. I know the difference between fantasy and reality."

Make sure BOTH players are aware of Fantasy and Reality. Maybe Rick isnt blunt about it. Maybe Ken is RPing. Maybe Ken is pushing himself on Rick and maybe Rick is being blunt.

Just make sure both know the difference.

Wow, great response Angelsboi.

I would be afraid to "lay down the law" on Ken if he is only RP-ing, so then you lose a friend and a gamer. I would definitely approach Ken privately and just say that Rick had mentioned he feels uncomfortable with his advances. Is he just RPing or is there an out-of-game interest? And, as Angelsboi just said, know the difference between the two.

 

[Glamdring]

If you're all adults, then I think Rick can take care of himself. If it starts to disrupt what you're doing, then you can step in and say something. I certainly would, even if a female were hitting on a male player at every moment, taking away from true role-playing.

 

[Angelsboi]

Exactly Glam. As i was talking to David about Marcus and Bernedette, we started joking about making the Paladin blush. She was talking to him when the other gay man (shayne, who plays a gay druid Bernedette became friends with) was standing bhind Marcus so Bernedette could see him making kissy faces at the two. SHe started waving her hands as in a 'shoo-ing' motion.

Marcus got suspicious and she said calmly "Flies. Damn barbarians."

She doesnt openly flirt with him, though the group knows she likes him (and Marcus is oblivious).

And a simple way of flirting is her bookbinding. She bought archment and the materials needed to make his book. A simple, hand made gift is all it takes.

Talk to him about flirting in not so obvious ways *IF* its a RPP flirting.

May i ask how old these people are and what everyone else in the group thinks?

The reason i ask is another story ....

I played back in Arizona with a bunch of straight people. I was the only gay guy DM. One of my straight players played Sasha (to balance out the fact everyone (even the girl) was playing a guy), who, fell in love with my God Morpheus. They develeoped a love relationship and there were a couple of scenes that Steve had started that *I*, as a gay man, felt uncomfortable. But i knew he was staright.

Rick may not be comfortable with who he is and age may be a big factor in all of this ...

 

[Glamdring]

If you're all adults, then I think Rick can take care of himself. If the advances start to interrupt the game for everyone, then I would definitely say something at the table. Disruption is disruption. Even if it was a female hitting on a male I would stop and demand it stop, especially if it gets in the way of true role-playing.

 

[Glamdring]

This is the second time the site has forced me to double post. I apologize.

 

[cousin_avi]

has anyone else had a problem like this, I mean simular but different problem, like a cheater who disrupted the game or something?? just so popinsky (the original poster) will have some situations he can fall back on. I am curious as well to see how various people problem solve.

Later Gators

 

[The_Gneech]

The phrases, "okay, that's enough," "stop that," and "knock it off" come to mind. An ambivalent reluctance is pretty hard to read; an explicit "Stop!" is hard to ignore.

There are some guys, and mind you I know 'em, that won't stop even if told in no uncertain terms. The only solution is to show them the door.

-The Gneech