DM's Campaign Vision vs. Player preference

[DonTadow]

OK, here's the latest problem with my problem player.

Her cleric was not working out. She was completely taking advantage of the Elements of Magic point based system I use for magic so we scrapped her character and she developed a rogue/ranger/bounty hunter.

The race of the character is a dark elf. However, I am using the elfclash setting for the elven portion of the game, whereas the dark elve's are a completely different race than the drow. The dark elves in the game have a heavy tan. They've been enslaved by the gilden elves for some time. The drow in the game have now begun enslavhign the dark elves, so a distinction between teh two has become very importanat.

I've explained this thouroughly to the party. In my campaign, characters pic or draw portraits of their character. Despite explaining asclearely as I could what the Dark Elves look like (African-American Elves essentially), she sends me pics that are completely off the mark. She's sent me two drow and two normal looking elves. I told her that she'd have to pic pictures that are more in flavor with how the dark elves are described.

I declined the pics based on my experience with previous DMs. I remember one DM I wanted to play a johnny depp like halflings, so i literally picked a picture of johnny depp for my character. He declined it telling me that it didnt fit with the fantasy of the campaiagn. So he sent me a pic and it worked for the character. I was hapy and he was happy.

With my player I did the same. After 5 emails of correspondance and she "still not getting it" I sent her a pic of the dozen dark elf invisions I have (I am collecting them for various NPCs). She told me it didn't fit the flavor of the character. I told her that we'll use this pic untils he finds something else.

Now its a month later, and her play style (let me see what I can get away with and I know when I reach my limits when the DM says something) is annoying me. I have unpurposely stopped hiding my annoyance with her (no you can not shoot into complete darkness without penalties). She sends me another round of pics, none of them dark elves. Part of me just wants to say yes to one to get on with it and compensate for me hating her asa player. But as a DM, I feel I should stick to my guns for the flavor of the world.
BIG QUESTION AND ISSUE

It's not about her behavior, its about the image of the character. She keeps sending me images of normal elves and drow which are not dark elves. I'm nearly exausted with the player's in game exploits and am wondering should I allow the non-dark elf pic for her character just to get over THIS issue. Or should I continue with my stance and keep the picture I selected until she sends me a picture of a dark elf.

At issue is what I deem the integrity of the campaign. If I allow her to sya she's one race but describe herself as another it hurts the believablity of the world. If I tell you I have a dog and you come over and I show you my dog and it looks like a cat, it would be quite odd.

The big question is, how far do you go to keep your world at least seaming somewhat realistic.

 

[BSF]

I'm not completely sure where the problem actually is with this. Is it because the player is playing a PC that doesn't behave as a 'dark elf'? Why not accept the PC's behavior and just tell the player that the behavior & description fits one of the other elven races?

On a seperate note, if you are not having a good time playing the game with this person, why are you?

 

[DonTadow]

I'm not completely sure where the problem actually is with this. Is it because the player is playing a PC that doesn't behave as a 'dark elf'? Why not accept the PC's behavior and just tell the player that the behavior & description fits one of the other elven races?

On a seperate note, if you are not having a good time playing the game with this person, why are you?

Her husband is one of my favorite players. But honestly the cost vs. benefit is waining.

Let me be more clear with the problem. I"m already annoyed with her. She does more annoying things in game. I find myself often declining some of her actions because of rules that she always tries to sidestep (firing in darkness, loading her bow, combining rapid shot with mulitishot). She knows I"m annoyed with her. Now she sends me more pics that she wants to replace the one I picked out for her. She's playing a dark elf but the pictures she sent are of drow and normal elves.

It's not about her behavior, its about the image of the character. She keeps sending me images of normal elves and drow which are not dark elves. I'm nearly exausted with the player's in game exploits and am wondering should I allow the non-dark elf pic for her character just to get over THIS issue. Or should I continue with my stance and keep the picture I selected until she sends me a picture of a dark elf.

At issue is what I deem the integrity of the campaign. If I allow her to sya she's one race but describe herself as another it hurts the believablity of the world. If I tell you I have a dog and you come over and I show you my dog and it looks like a cat, it would be quite odd.

 

[BSF]

Just politely tell her that the PC she seems to want to play does not mesh with race X (in this case, dark elf) and her character better matches race Y. Suggest that rather than be mutually frustrated, it would be easier to change the PC's race.

 

[WayneLigon]

After about the second round of this, assuming you have carefully described and discussed the differences between normal/drow/dark elves, I think you have to assume she's doing this on purpose. She does indeed completely 'get it', but she doesn't like it and wants you to change your vision and world to match her Mary Sue preconception of her character. Or, since you say you're not hiding your antagonism anymore, she's doing it just to cheese you off.

You should keep the picture you selected. It fits your concept of the world and it's denizens. If she continues not to 'get it', suggest she play another race.

 

[DonTadow]

Just politely tell her that the PC she seems to want to play does not mesh with race X (in this case, dark elf) and her character better matches race Y. Suggest that rather than be mutually frustrated, it would be easier to change the PC's race.

Thing is, her character's background captures the dark elf feel. She plays the character like a slave girl, which is the feel of the dark elf. The only thing is she refuses to describe herself as a dark elf.

In other words her character has a dog's background, a dog's voice and acts like a dog. But she wants the dog to look like a cat.

Apart of me thinks this is so minor, but the dm in me knows that this is bigger than this. I can't let pcs change the way races of the world looks like because they don't like the pictures. I"d be forced to throw away or explain why certain npcs look one way and others look another.

 

[wuyanei]

Eh? Why not have the player PC be the (likely unwilling) child of a drow and a darkelf slave? It happens all the time in real world where slavery happens...

 

[DonTadow]

Eh? Why not have the player PC be the (likely unwilling) child of a drow and a darkelf slave? It happens all the time in real world where slavery happens...

The drow didn't show up on the plane until 3 years ago, however I could go the route of having the child be the bastard of gilden and a dark elf.

 

[The Shaman]

Perhaps she can't find an image that meets your extremely narrow concept of what is "correct?"

And why is it so important that you have an illustration of the character? What's wrong with a simple description?

 

[gizmo33]

If we tried hard enough we could probably search the real world and find someone who looks just like a dwarf even though they're human.

Your cat and dog analogy might be going too far because there probably isn't nearly as much difference between elf subtypes. Even humans and elves can have children, so why couldn't elves of different subtypes. And perhaps the result would physically resemble one of the subtypes, while the culture and abilities resemble another.

It's not "typical" for your campaign world, but PCs aren't typical AFAIK.

Of course if this is really about a power struggle, and not the particular issue, then I guess it's better to focus on that.